The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, And Jackie
by Michelle Lacie Kat
Summary: Three crazy friends, nicknamed The Three Musketeers, somehow end up in the world of the Hobbit. Despite being 100% useless and one obsessed with a certain golden elf, they try to learn how to fend for themselves and deal with some odd (at least odd to them) romances. This truly is a manic adventure indeed!
1. Chapter 1

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

**Chapter 1: The Daughters of The Intolerable Pigs Scrotums**

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><p>The sounds of happily chirping birds whistled with the wind, opening her eyes drowsily the dark brunette was blinded by the bright light of the sun.<p>

"Hm?" Blinking and groaning, the girl finally managed to clear her vision so that she could see. "Where am I?"

Pushing herself up, she noticed she was laying on grass that was lush and without any garbage among it. The trees looked like something one would see in a painting or drawing, too full of life to be real.

"Am I dreaming?" She asked herself softly, glancing at the beautiful scenery around her.

"I doubt that lass." The girl turned her left to find a strange short man on a small horse. Bulky and giving the impression of someone who sees himself as noble, he certainly wasn't a sight she was use to. "And why, may I ask, is a girl lost in a forest all by herself?" The short man was a sight she hadn't see before but she hadn't cared much.

The girl looked around, she wasn't alone when she passed out if her memory served right. "I don't know." She knew she was last with her best friends but where they could be she didn't know.

The short man sighed, he knew he couldn't leave her alone out here. It was against his traditions to abandon females as females were always valued "Come with me then."

"Huh?" the girl was hesitant to greedily accept the man's proposal, her imbedded _stranger danger_ alarm was going off. "Um, I-I don't want to sound rude or ungrateful of you request but I don't know-"

"My name is Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror. Dwarf king of Erebor" he said to her, he was a bit pleased to see the display of shock that she showed toward the fact that he was a king. "I am traveling to the Shire to meet with my companions."

The girl looked at him funny, Thorin? The Shire? Erebor? Why did those name sound familiar? "I-I guess that works." Technically since he introduced himself he wasn't a stranger completely.

"And you girl?" he asked, giving a gesture toward her, "Your name?"

"Oh!" she blushed, "My name is Sam. Short for Samantha."

He gave her a funny look, she knew her name was common, though not popular, so she expected him to know it but he looked at her like he had never heard of it. Still, he said nothing about it so she didn't say anything else.

He nodded, "I won't make you walk, hop on." He scooted forward on his saddle to make room for her.

Sam stood from the spot she laid and made her way to Thorin, she really didn't think she could fit behind him on such a small animal. "Um, are you sure?"

"Would you rather I leave you?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at her. Sam was testing his patience and he was wasting enough time as it was.

"No, thank you I'll go." she hurried over to Thorin and his horse, which she now realized was a pony. Hopping on, she was surprised that the small animal could support her weight.

"Let us hurry, we should reach the Shire by night."

"Alright." Sam smiled though she was having butterflies in her stomach. Something was nagging at her about all this, something important.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere another girl awoke to a stranger wondering if she was alright. This stranger was taller and older than the girl, dressed in rugged, grey robes, and carried a tall staff.<p>

"What does a girl, so young and odd, doing out here alone and unarmed?" the elderly man asked, leaning against his staff.

The girl looked at the old man with a highly perplexed expression, "Huh?" her lip curled a bit, though not in disgust. The girl knew she was last with her friends and now they were gone.

The man sighed, the girl obviously wasn't from around here if her clothes were anything to judge by. Where could this child be from?

"Where am I?" she blurted out, looking at her surroundings, "Uh, Dude?"

The tall man looked at her, befuddled at the use of a word he had not ever heard of. "Do you speak to me child?"

The girl looked around and then turned to him sarcastically, "Uh is there anyone else around that I could be talking to? Yes, you."

"If you wish to speak to me, I would prefer you start by addressing me with my name instead of this 'dude'."

She looked at him with a blank expression, "You don't know what a dude is do you?" she rose her eyebrow as she spoke.

"No I do not." he answered with a curt nod, "And that matters little to me at the moment."

"Right," she agreed, standing up since she disliked sitting on the grass for too long. "and I would like to know where I am so could ya help me out?"

He sighed in slight annoyance and replied, "You are near the border of the Shire, home to hobbits. Did you have business here?"

"Hobbit?" she squinted her eyes a bit, "What's a hobbit?"

The man cocked his head to the side in confusion, "How can you not know what a hobbit is?"

"Uh, I don't know." she answered looking at him with a mix of annoyance and sarcasm, "Probably because I've never been here before! Like ever! In my life! Much less heard of the word!"

"Then my suspicion stands true, you are not of this world." he said, "And if that is so then you must have been sent by Mahal then."

"Who?"

He shook his head and continued, "Do not bother yourself with that. For now we should become properly familiar with one another."

"M'kay." she was confused with this man but then he probably was the same with her, "My name is Zee."

"Zee." he said her name a few times to get use to her name, "I am Gandalf the Grey."

"Gandalf?" the name sounded familiar but she couldn't pinpoint where she recognized it. "Huh, alright. Well then, I obviously have no clue where I am or what to do.."

"Worry not child." he smiled, extending his hand toward her, "You may join me on a quest."

"A quest?"

"Yes, I am traveling with thirteen dwarves and a hobbit on a quest of a lifetime."

Zee rolled the idea around in her head before deciding on going, "Ah fuck it why not."

* * *

><p>Sam felt uncomfortable just sitting in silence, Thorin spoke little about where they were going or who they were meeting. She normally wasn't bothered by silence if it was her being quiet, she wasn't use to being in silence that could only be broken if she spoke.<p>

"We should stop soon." Thorin said in his rumbling, deep voice, "We need to rest a bit before going on."

Sam nodded though she knew he would not see the gesture, "Okay." She was a bit afraid to say more, when she did try to spark a conversation he would only give her annoyed grunts and small growls.

When they reached a comfortable destination, Thorin and Sam dismounted the pony. The animal was happy to have both riders off and trotted around for a mere moment.

"You are truly a curious girl." Thorin commented randomly, "You remind me much of my nephews."

Sam kind of smiled at the comment, she wasn't sure if that was good or bad but it was something. "Really? Are they like me?"

"When it comes to asking questions." he answered, "I imagine you are aware of your home over the world."

Sam looked at Thorin, slightly offended but at the same time admitting she probably didn't know the horrors of this place she was now in. "Well maybe more so of this place. I'm not from here." She figured he knew that considering she was only dressed jeans and T-shirt.

Thorin looked over his shoulder a bit, she noticed that he did that whenever he was thinking about something. "I assumed as much, you do not dress like any woman I have ever seen."

Sam shrugged, she could take it as an insult but it was true. She had yet to see anyone else but if his clothing was something to judge by she was a strange sight for the rest of this world.

"I don't suppose I could just leave you in some town of men," he said aloud, though he was looking directly at her it still sounded like he talking to himself. "I should take you with me on our journey."

Sam looked at him funny and asked, "Journey? What journey?"

"That would be why we are heading toward the Shire." he explained, he seemed to have a knack for sounding like everything is so obvious. "I wish to reclaim my homeland, a lonely mountain that lays in the East."

"Reclaim?" Reclaim meant to take back, who or what in the world stole Thorin's home? "What happened?"

Thorin shook his head, "It is a long tale and we do not have time for me to explain, maybe when we are in the Shire I will tell you."

Sam smiled and reminded herself to remember that promise, she wanted to know and it would drive her insane if she never found out what happened. Chances were it was something bad but she still wanted to know.

"So," she said after filing away the promise, "what's in the Shire that we need to do?"

"We need to see a hobbit." he told her before ending their longest conversation they had since they met not too long ago.

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><p><em><strong>Hey Hobbit Fans, I hope you guys will like this Girl-in-hobbit-world fanfiction. This is a dedication for my besties TurnerzNike(Zee) and Crazy4books126(Jackie), neither have stories of their own but visit them if you want. Please keep in mind, we are (Zee and I) violent and use vulgar language, You have been warned.<strong>_

_**Another thing, the pairs are**_

_**SamxFili-ZeexLegolas-Jackiex(Bilbo Vs Bofur or Tauriel Vs Singrid) Jackie it bisexual so I tried to take that into consideration but it created more problems for me. Eh, you guys will get a kick out of it.~ Michelle Laice Kat**_


	2. Chapter 2

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 2: Friends Reunite**_

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><p>Zee wasn't sure what to think when night fell and she was found in the company of eight rowdy dwarves. She tried to remember all their names as they introduced themselves to her but all she could recall was that their names rhymed when they were related. As they headed back to this Bag End that Gandalf kept mentioning Zee was beginning to feel like there was something to be recalled, something to do with these dwarves.<p>

"So lass," one of the dwarves asked, he was a goofy looking one with twin braids that reminded her of hairstyle a little girl would wear and a weird snow hat. "Gandalf said you were accompanying us."

Zee shrugged, she wasn't feeling like she could talk to these dwarves on the same level as she could her friends so she actually carefully worded her response. "I guess but I doubt I'll be much help."

He chuckled at her honesty, "Aye, that we can all see."

Zee was slightly offended by that comment but it was true; she admitted it herself. She saw their huge axes and swords that she knew she would never be able to to lift let alone drag. The only dwarf probably just as helpless as her was the innocent one she took to walking with. If her memory served, his name was Ori.

"You could learn though." he added, "One of us could teach ya."

She nodded at him and thought about it, "Yeah, I wouldn't mind learning."

"Kili could teach ya." he grinned, "He's our archer."

"Archer?" she asked happily, Zee always wanted to try archery as she felt it would be fun to do as a hobby. "I'm looking forward to it already!"

The dwarf gave her a hearty chuckle, "I'm sure he'll be just as thrilled to teach ya."

She didn't say anything else, the name sounded so familiar to her but her excitement over finally learning archery. She had horrible aim, with random moments of genius, she figured this Kili could help her out, hopefully.

"I hope Thorin doesn't get mad about the lass joining us." Zee heard the dwarves talk lowly among themselves. She was almost bothered by the fact she was the subject of their conversation.

"Aye, but where can she go?" One of them defended for her, "Gandalf said he found her alone and homeless, even though she's a child of man we can't leave her."

"I know." the goofy one added, "but I'm sure he'd appreciate the extra hands."

Who was this Thorin they were talking about? Was he their leader? Zee recalled that Gandalf had said something about a dwarf king joining them, was that Thorin then?

"Worry not Miss. Zee." Gandalf spoke to her without turning or looking over his shoulder. "I will deal with Thorin."

"Who is he?" she asked quietly so that the dwarves wouldn't hear her.

"He is the king of dwarves and leader of the quest." Gandalf answered, "Of all the dwarves he is the most stubborn and prideful."

"Why would it bother him that I would be tagging along?" she asked curiously, what would bother him? The fact she was a stranger to him?

"Dwarves are protective of their women." he explained, "Therefore they do not like to have women partake in dangerous chores."

"Because I'm a girl?" Zee wasn't a feminist but tell her she can't do something because she's a girl and hell have no fury like her rage.

"Women are rare to to their race." he added, sensing the homicidal rage from the girl. "Only one-third of their race is female."

Zee widen her eyes, "Wow.." Okay, so they had a bit of an excuse but still! She didn't need to to be babied completely.

"Do act respectful when we meet with Thorin." he told her, "He does not take disrespect well, neither do the other dwarves."

Zee bit her lip, she was so use to her blunt and honest ways that it was gonna take some work to not accidentally insult someone. "I'll try."

Gandalf took that small promise, he would be asking for far too much if he asked for more.

* * *

><p>Bilbo was horrified with the two dwarves in his home, he hadn't minded the girl he took in but this was a bit too much!<p>

"Please calm down Bilbo," His female house guest begged as he tried to kindly inform the dwarves to leave. She was small but taller than the hobbit and overweight, though it didn't look bad for her. Unlike some, she preferred more comfortable clothes that suited her just fine and she held great respect for herself. "you'll kill yourself."

Bilbo sighed forcibly and was about to give the girl a response when another round of knocks came from the door. Both went to the door, the girl wanted to make sure Bilbo would do nothing rash, and they found two more dwarves on the hobbit's door step.

They looked like complete contrasting characters, one being a blond with thick hair, a beard, and a braided mustache while his companion had dark hair and stubble dusted across his face.

"Fili." the blond said, introducing himself to them.

"And Kili."the brunette added for himself.

Bowing in synced unison, they said, "At your service."

When they rose again the brunette smiled cheekily, "You must be Mr. Boggins."

Bilbo angrily shook his head, "No, no, you can't come in." However, as he tried to shut the door Kili stuck his foot in the way, forcing the door back open.

"Has it been canceled?" he asked confusingly.

Fili joined Kili in the same boat, "No one told us."

The girl, who wanted Bilbo to have just the briefest moment of not having to deal with a dwarf, answered, "No, nothing's been canceled."

The two dwarves pushed Bilbo aside and smiled, "Well, that's a relief!" They entered the hobbit hole, leaving Bilbo unsure of whether he should snap or just die in that very moment.

The girl let out a pained sigh as she saw her attempt to help Bilbo out was wasted, he still looked like he was gonna die of a heart attack. These stubborn and dismissive dwarves were going to be the death of him yet!

"Careful with these," Fili turned to the hobbit and handed him his weapons, "I just had them sharpened."

Bilbo looked the pile of sharp weapons in his arms, almost afraid to move out of fear of being cut by them. It was painfully obvious that Bilbo never once touched a real blade, he probably wouldn't know what to do with one if he ever did.

"Nice place," Kili commented about the hobbit hole, "You build it yourself?"

Bilbo shook his head nervously, "N-No, it's been in the family for years." As he spoke Kili wiped his muddy boot on a glory box that belonged to Bilbo's mother. "D-Don't do that, that's my mother's glory box!"

"By the way," Fili interrupted Bilbo's panicking, "who is the lass?"

The girl took in a deep breath and answered, "My name is Jackie, Bilbo was kind enough to let me stay with him for a while."

"Oh?" Kili approached the girl and grinned, "I thought you were his wife!"

Bilbo, upon hearing that his guest was confused as his wife for a minute, blushed madly while Jackie wasn't at all bothered. "No, besides I'm too young for that yet."

Before the duo could ask for her age, one of the dwarves who arrived first came and whisked the two away. They talked about moving this to fit others, which was just enough for Bilbo to get a bit furious.

"What is going on?!" He exclaimed, "Why are there dwarves in my house?!"

Jackie rolled her eyes, "You're gonna kill yourself if you keep this up Bilbo, just relax for a minute."

"That's a bit hard when you have dwarves rearranging your entire house!" he snapped, "Not to mention that I don't even know them!"

"It could be worse," she told him, how much she was annoyed with drama. "A lot worse." All she got was a glare until there was third round of knocks.

Bilbo turned away from Jackie, shouting to the door, "No! No one's home!" he almost marched to the door but then remembered that he had Fili's things still. Tossing the blades on to a near by table, Bilbo marched to the door shouting that he did not want anymore dwarves in his house.

Jackie, not wanting hear anymore about blasted dwarves, decided on at least helping Bilbo out by making sure the dwarves didn't destroy anything else. When Bilbo agreed to house Jackie, he had proudly went on to tell her about his prized possessions. From the glory box to Grandpa Mungo's chair, she knew what was available to guests and what wasn't.

Jackie had barely given the dwarves her attention when the sounds of the door opening and something heavy hit the floor. Grumbles and groans followed the loud sound.

"Get off me you great lump!" she heard a thick accented voice say from the doorway.

"Ah! They're here" Kili grinned as the four dwarves went to greet their fellow dwarves.

"Who's here?" Jackie asked, though she was ignored just like Bilbo.

"Bilbo," an elderly voice said happily, "I hope we haven't intruded on anything."

With all the dwarves around, Jackie hadn't been able to see Bilbo but she saw a familiar someone. Smiling just a bit she clapped her hands happily, "Zee!"

Feeling a bit out of place, Zee perked up when she heard the familiar voice. "Jackie!?" Leaving Gandalf's side and pushing aside a few dwarves, Zee was reunited with her friend Jackie. "Dude, I totally missed you!"

"I missed you too Zee!" the two embraced, earning a few chuckles about their sissy hug.

Gandalf watched the two in amusement and curiosity, "So, you girls know each other?"

The two nodded, "Yeah, we've been friends for a while now."

Gandalf hummed to himself before he and the dwarves went to work on their dinner with Bilbo following in an attempt to save his pantry. Not wanting to get involved in that madness, Zee and Jackie decided to head to the small living room to talk with each other until dinner was ready.

"How did you get here?" Zee asked, "The last thing I remember is all of us being together."

Jackie shrugged, "That's all I remember too, I just woke up here and Bilbo took me in."

Zee sighed and leaned back, "Great..."

"But," Jackie added, "if we were separated then where is Sam?"

Zee sat on that idea, where could their overly blunt and brutally honest friend be? Sam probably was out there somewhere but where could she be? This is a foreign world to them, who knew where she was.

"Hopefully she's okay." Jackie sighed, it wasn't exactly something she could totally count on but a little hope couldn't hurt.

"She's not the type to go quietly." Zee grinned, she knew her best friend fairly well so she was pretty confident about Sam's well being.

Just then, the goofy dwarf who's name was Bofur, came in and told them that dinner was ready. "You lasses must be starving!"

Zee, who was starving and was a food fiend that did not pass up the chance to eat, drug Jackie to the small dining room, the dwarves were already eating like wild, starved dogs, taking bets, and chugging ale. Luckily, Zee and Jackie wouldn't have to fight for their food since the dwarves were kind enough to make the girls their plates before feasting.

"Yay!" Zee grinned as she and Jackie sat themselves outside the room housing the ill-mannered dwarves.

Jackie, having eaten little when the dwarf named Dwalin arrived, also eagerly ate the food given to her. She felt bad about eating Bilbo's food, especially since where they sat they could see where his pantry was completely empty.

"People gotta eat." Zee said when she noticed the damage, "They could've done so much worse."

Jackie shook her head, "Only you and Sam would think that."

Zee grinned in response, the comment was something be expected of the two. It was too bad that one wasn't there.

"Either way," Jackie continued, "I still feel bad."

"Yeah, yeah, I know you have a heart and Sam and I don't." she laughed, "That just might never change."

Jackie smiled and continued to eat what was on her plate. She felt a little bit better to eat when she realized that Bilbo had stopped freaking out for a moment, allowing her to eat in peace.

* * *

><p>Sam and Thorin had been in the shire, for awhile actually. Thorin had out right refused to ask for directions to where a hobbit hole called Bag End was, hence why they were lost.<p>

"Seriously Thorin!" Sam snapped at him, "Why can't we ask for help?"

"Dwarves do not ask for assistance!" he snapped back, "Beside, the wizard said it was easy enough to find."

Sam rolled her eyes and let Thorin wander aimlessly. She was beyond annoyed with the dwarf but since he was taking care of her, she said nothing more for a moment.

"Damn these hobbit holes!" Thorin cursed as he tried to tell one hole from another.

Having enough with the dwarf's stubbornness, Sam decided to end the search briefly. "I've got an idea. You're never going to get us anywhere if this keeps up so let's review what the wizard told you."

Thorin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He said to look for a green door with a marking on it."

"Oh," she sighed irritably "how specific. Okay, so then we need to look for green doors.

"We checked all the doors here." Thorin argued, "and not one has a mark."

Sam looked around before noticing a hill they had yet to check. "There's one on that hill." She pointed at the hobbit hole whose lights were still on. "We could try up there."

Sam had already started for the hill with Thorin trudging behind her, pulling their pony beside him. He had to admit, Sam had the exact personality of a female dwarf and it irritated him greatly. No child of men should be so much like a dwarf but at the same time he knew she was not trying to be a dwarf. The way she acted was far too natural for him to presume she was faking it.

"There's a lot of ponies up here." Sam noticed as they got closer, "Unless these guys are having a party I think we found it."

"I feel this might be our hobbit's home." Thorin replied as he listened in on the noise, "If the noise is anything to judge by."

Sam kind of giggled at his comment, she only knew what Thorin was like over the other dwarves and she felt like she could get along with the others if they were fun. Actually judging from the sounds, they sounded like they had a few.

When the two reached the top, Sam found that the door was green and had a mark on it. "Look!" she grinned cheekily at Thorin, "Here's our stop!"

Thorin grumbled about how unladylike she was as he tied his pony to a near by fence pole.

"Be good Minty!" Sam smiled at the pony before turning her attention to the hobbit hole, I assume they're having a blast!"

Thorin rolled his eyes, during his brief time with the girl he learned of some of her strange talk. When they came to the door Thorin banged on it so that the residents inside would hear him. It worked seeing that everyone fell quiet. The door opened, revealing twelve dwarves, a nervous hobbit, and an old wizard.

"Gandalf," Thorin came in, followed by Sam.

"Thorin." Gandalf greeted the dwarf king kindly.

"You said this place was easy to find." he said with a tone of inconvenience, "We lost our way, twice."

_I found this place asshole! _Sam mentally growled, not wanting to piss Thorin off and damage his pride. _I didn't get lost, I made the mistake of following you!_

"And who is this?" Gandalf asked, "Do you intend for her to join us?"

"Her name is Sam," he answered, "And yes I do...Why?"

Before anyone could either object or agree, Zee and Jackie came into the room and Zee squealed at the sight of her best friend.

"Sam!" Zee shoved aside a few dwarves and bear hugged her friend. However, since Sam was taller than Zee the two fell with Zee on top. "Oops!"

"You idiot!" Sam groaned, "Why would you do that!"

"Because I missed you!" she said happily, still awkwardly hugging her friend, "And I didn't know where you were. The three musketeers have been reunited!"

"What a glorious day!" Jackie added for a laugh.

Sam shook her head and shoved Zee off of her, "Well I'm here now so get off." After Zee finally got off of her friend, Sam realized there were a pair of blue eyes one her. She expected the dwarves to be looking at her funny but this was a bit more...intense.

"You know these girls?" Thorin asked, glaring a bit at the duo. "Are they your friends."

Sam nodded, "They are, my best friends."

"I see." Thorin said before turning to Gandalf, "May we speak in private Gandalf?"

When Thorin took off with Gandalf, he looked rather upset about something, Sam, Zee and Jackie decided to wait in the living room while the dwarf, Bombur, fixed Thorin and Sam a plate to eat.

"So did anyone else just realize that we're in _The Hobbit_?" Sam asked when she sat down, "Or am I the only one?"

The other two nodded in agreement, somehow, with all of them together, they recalled the dwarves and hobbit from the fantasy story.

"I wonder how we got here?" Jackie mused, "I didn't think we did anything for us to end up here."

"All I last remember is that we had the accident where-" Before Zee could finish, Sam covered her mouth and glared at her.

"We do not speak of that embarrassing moment ever again." she growled to them both, "We all have too much pride for that!"

Zee angrily licked Sam's hand and told her to never do that again, "But I agree, it was an embarrassing situation we should keep to ourselves."

Jackie nodded as well, "Alright but what do we do now?"

Sam grinned, "What else? We go on this adventure of a life time."

"What?" Jackie asked, "Last I recall, this is a dangerous adventure and none of us are fit enough for that!"

Zee was about to agree with Jackie until Sam added, "We'll get to see Legolas in person Zee! You might have a chance at actually marrying him!"

Zee hopped up and glared at Jackie, "Do not try to keep me from my golden elf."

Jackie put her hands up, "Okay, okay! I get it!"

Sam grinned in triumph, "Alright! The three musketeers are going on an adventure!"

"And we'll see my golden elf!" Zee sighed dreamily, "No one will get in my way!" She looked at Sam and Jackie for their promise that they wouldn't interfere with her love. Yup, she was crazy.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Yes, Zee is the crazy one and we have several jokes about her and Legolas. She even has already planned her meeting with the elf (I call him a squirrel now, he jut reminds me of a flying squirrel!) so yeah. This will be quiet the show. ~ Michelle Lacie Kat <em>**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 3: The Eventful Dinner**_

* * *

><p>Sam and Thorin sat at the opening of the dining room with Zee, Jackie, and Bilbo behind them. The stew Bombur made them was filling and fair, considering where most of the ingredients went. Sam, Zee, and Jackie decided to not talk during the meeting unless they absolutely have to, reason being that they were afraid of accidentally telling the dwarves that they know how the journey would end. Technically only Sam and Zee really knew, Jackie wasn't a nerd for <em>The Hobbit<em> like they were.

"Any word from the Iron Hills?" Dwalin asked, all the dwarves were eager to hear the news of if they were backed up by other dwarves.

"Aye," he sighed, "And they said the journey is ours and ours alone."

The mood kind of fell right there, the dwarves must have felt more confident with the help of the Iron Hill than alone. Sam so badly wanted to cheer them up but she wasn't sure she could without letting out a slip

"Well I'm not afraid!" Sweet, innocent Ori said proudly, the girls didn't believe he wasn't afraid his voice almost quivered in fear.

"Right!" Kili added, "And we have a wizard to help us!"

Gandalf suddenly got flustered when Kili said that Gandalf had to have killed tons of dragons, obviously that wasn't true. Wishing to move the spotlight, Gandalf pulled out the map of Erebor so they could discuss their plan.

"The gates are sealed." Balin said gravely, "There's no way in."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked without exactly meaning to, she suddenly felt her heart miss a beat when everyone stared at her, "I-I mean, where we're from, people liked to have secret doors in their houses. I would imagine there had to be one for you guys too."

Gandalf smiled, "There is one." he pointed at Erebor and continued, "There's an invisible door somewhere on the mountain."

"Really?" Thorin asked.

"The only problem is,"Gandalf sighed, "I do not know where it is but the answer is somewhere on this map."

"Where?" Zee asked, peeking over Sam's head, "I don't see anything."

"I'm not sure," Gandalf answered, "but I do plan on finding out."

"And what happens when you guys get in?" Jackie asked, she was still mad that Zee and Sam managed to convince Thorin to let the extra two to join them.

"We need a burglar." As soon as the words left Gandalf's mouth, everyone turned to Bilbo.

The poor hobbit panicked, "W-What?! You-I-huh?!"

"They want you to be their burglar." Zee said, it sounded more like a question which was what Zee wanted.

"What? No-No!" Bilbo hurriedly said, "I can't!"

"I agreed with Bilbo." Balin said, "He's hardly fit for the dangers of the wild."

The dwarves started arguing over Bilbo, it was both annoying and comical to Sam and Zee (not really for Jackie). When Gandalf had enough of the debate, he bashed his hands on the table which did a wonderful job scaring the crap out of the girls.

"If I say he is our burglar then that is what he is!" he snapped, "Hobbits can be seen if they wish and are very quiet. Not to mention the scent of hobbits are completely unknown to Smaug."

"That does sound incredibly useful." Sam offered to Bilbo who reluctantly listened to Gandalf.

Thorin glanced at Balin, "Give him the contract."

Balin nodded and handed Bilbo the super long contract that listed his job description as well as other arrangements. "Up to but not exceeding one fourteenth of the total profit, if any." he muttered to himself, he actually looked like he was going to sign it when he came across another arrangement. "Incineration?!"

"Aye lad." Bofur grinned, "He'll melt the flesh straight off your bones in a blink of an eye!"

Sam, catching the color fade from Bilbo's face, turned toward Bofur, "Uh dude, I think you should zip it."

"Are you alright lad?" Balin asked Bilbo.

"Yeah, I think so." he was gonna faint, the three could see that easily.

"Just think, furnace with wings!" he continued even though Sam was trying to shut him up.

"I-I need air."

"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!"

"BOFUR!" Sam snapped angrily before heard a nope came from Bilbo and he face planted into the floor. "Great..."

"Well that was lovely." Zee groaned as she moved aside for Sam to get out, "We'll leave this to the people who caused it." The three girls did leave, going to the spot where Bilbo said they could sleep for the night.

"We're gonna have an awesome trip." Jackie told the other two sarcastically, "You two are going to age prematurely by the middle of this."

"That's not true," Sam argued with a grin, "Zee will make it longer than me so she can see her squirrel."

Zee turned ever so menacingly toward Sam for calling Legolas a squirrel, she absolutely hated it when Sam call her Boo that. It was demeaning to his beauty as an elf. "Whatever." she said mockingly, doing a weird little head nod to emphasis her displeasure.

"Oh hush it squirrel lover." Sam rolled her eyes at Zee and went to go find Bilbo to see if he was okay. She felt bad that Bofur just scared the poor hobbit shitless.

"Excuse me?" Sam turned as saw a blond dwarf standing in the hall, "I don't believe we ever got acquainted."

Sam blushed, despite realizing she had spent a few hours alone with Thorin she never did grasp completely that she'd meet Kili and Fili in person. "Uh yeah, we never did."

"I am Fili, son of Dis and heir to Thorin." Fili bowed to her and kissed the top of her hand. If she lived in an anime, her face would have turned a hundred percent red.

"Uh, I'm Sam." he said hurriedly, damn her shy nature around strangers! "Um, would you know where Bilbo is, I just wanna make sure he's still alive after Bofur's lovely comments."

Fili laughed though she did miss the strange twitch of his lip, "Gandalf took him to the living room."

"Oh!" Sam should have known, she loved Unexpected Journey a bit more that Desolation Of Smaug! "Duh, where else would Gandalf take the poor guy, I'm such a ditz."

Fili gave her a funny look, he didn't understand her strange use of common tongue but it enticed him greatly. "I was about to go see how he was as well, we can go together."

Sam immediately noticed something was off, she did not recall any of the dwarves checking on Bilbo. Thorin and Balin were the only ones remotely near by when Gandalf and Bilbo talked, why was Fili suddenly interested in Bilbo so soon? Not to mention that she knew Fili was going in the opposite direction of the living room.

"Sure." Sam smiled regardless, "I wouldn't mind at all."

Fili seemed rather pleased that Sam took his request and Sam made a mental note to keep an eye on the blond dwarf. She didn't want to jump to any conclusions when she's only met the guy.

"Where are you from Sam?" Fili asked as they snaked through a few other dwarves, "If you don't mind me asking."

"Um," Okay, she always meant to learn the map of Middle-Earth but never got to it. Well, she was a truly terrible liar so it would best to be a bit more honest. "Kind of far away from here, it's hard to explain."

"Really?" he asked, "How so?"

Damn, he had to keep asking, how could she get out of this? She tried to think of a response that didn't totally give away what they were hiding. "No one has really heard of our people," she lied, "We are secretive and do not leave our community."

"And why did you three leave?"

"We hated it there," she continued to lie, she was going to have to inform her friends of the story she just made up for them. She hoped they didn't mind the slight Children Of The Corn reference she made, it wasn't like she was making them crazy religious. Hopefully. "The isolation sucks."

"Sucks?" he gave her another funny look, "I'm afraid I do not understand your strange language."

Sam grinned evilly, "I'd tell ya but if it bugs you so much I think I rather let you suffer." she continued toward the living room with Fili not saying a word about her comment.

When Sam and Fili got to the living room, Gandalf was going off about how Bilbo use to be when he was a little kid.

"You use to get dirty Bilbo?" Sam interrupted with a grin, "I can't imagine! How are you doing?"

"Fine." he answered, taking a sip of his tea.

"I'm guess from Gandalf's raving you don't wanna come with us." She concluded sweetly, just because they agreed to keep their knowledge a secret didn't mean they couldn't mess with things a bit. "Why won't you come Bilbo?"

Gandalf was almost bothered with Sam poking her nose in their conversation but at the same time he saw that Bilbo didn't seem to refuse the girls like he did the dwarves.

He sighed and shifted uncomfortably, "I'm a Baggins, a hobbit of the Shire, I can't-"

"You can stop right there Bilbo." Sam told him, holding up a finger. "I think you wanna go but the fact you supposedly have all this honor or reputation to hold up is keep you from joining us."

"But-"

"Now, now." Sam continued not letting Bilbo speak, "True, things are gonna happen that could change you but trust me, I know you'll come back."

Bilbo looked down at his cup and then a bit back at Sam, "What makes you so sure?"

Sam grinned, "Because I just do, if you ain't optimistic then you're never gonna get anywhere."

Bilbo looked down again, he was unsure of how to turn down the offer when it came from Sam. Her persistence was going to grind away his resolve to not get involved. "I'm not so sure..."

"Okay then tell you what." Sam said, her natural lawyer side suddenly came out. "We'll leave in the morning, you won't find a trace of us except for that contract. You'll know what to do then." Deciding she messed with the poor hobbit enough, Sam left to go back to her friends. She hadn't noticed that Fili was still with her.

"What makes you so sure Bilbo will come?" he asked curiously.

Sam looked over her shoulder and grinned like a fool, "A woman's intuition, that's all." _Not to mention I've watched the movies I don't know how many times. _

He smiled back, "Does this intuition have anything against taking a bet?"

"No one damn bit." she turned around completely and grinned, "Whatcha betting sir?"

"Ten pieces of gold." he grinned back, "And you?"

"Hmm.." she thought about that, she had no money to bet with so she was gonna have to play the innocent card, "I'm afraid I have nothing to bet with."

"That's not true," he had a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. "How about I get to put a braid, in your hair, with this clasp." He pulled a braid of his forward to view to show her his clasp.

Sam rolled that idea around and nodded, "Fine."

* * *

><p>The next morning they all set out early in the morning, of course that didn't sit well with Zee.<p>

"This fucking sucks!" Zee groaned as she held onto Kili, they all had to choose who to ride with and Zee decided to ride with the brunette of the brothers. "Why so early?"

Sam and Jackie started to giggle at Zee's anger at waking up so early. "Dude relax." Sam loved to wake Zee up early in the morning on weekends as well as during the summer. She would text her at nine in the morning, while Zee was still in a deep sleep. Of course that was texting, Sam knew better than to do that with her anywhere near by. Which was also why she told Bombur and Kili to wake her up.

As they rode away from the Shire, the other dwarves started to take bets about Bilbo coming. Leave it to darn luck that Sam decided to ride with Fili.

"Don't forget our bet." Fili grinned to her over his shoulder, "I'm looking forward to braiding your hair."

Sam grinned back with full confidence, "That ain't gonna happen sweet pea." _In fact, he should be on his way now!_

"Oh yeah?"

Sure enough, they all heard Bilbo shouting after. "Wait!" Bilbo was running awfully fast, managing to catch them all while being barefoot. "Wait, I signed it."

"I cant-" Fili gasped angrily.

"You best believe Blondie." Sam grinned happily, using her fake British accent. "Looks like I am owed ten pieces sir."

Fili mumbled to himself angrily as he dug into his pocket and pulled out his small pouch of gold. "I can't believe this..."

Sam just grinned like a dork while Zee and Kili seemingly found something amusing, they found the small bet too interesting to ignore.

"Does Fili like her?" Zee asked Kili quietly, she didn't want to gain attention from anyone else.

"Of course he does." Kili answered, "He bet that if Bilbo didn't come he could braid Sam's hair."

"Why's that a big deal?"

"Braids have very special meanings." Kili said softly, "When a male braids a female's hair with his clasp he is marking her as his One."

"His what?"

"His One." Kili repeated, "It means she's his one and only love."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Zee said, she smiled though she wasn't exactly happy. She was actually caught between laughing and being worried. "You don't mean like a soul mate do ya?"

"That's exactly what I mean." he grinned, "Dwarves can tell at first sight if someone is there mate."

"B-B-But she's apart of the race of men, like me and Jackie." she knew that was a dumb argument but dwarves were secretive creatures, there's no way they'd let a human girl in.

"It doesn't matter." he said before stilling, "Okay it might be a bit of a problem."

"Huh?"

"I-I can't tell you." he said quickly, "And whatever you do, don't tell Sam. Dwarves have to win their mates and you telling her will kind of mess with that."

"You want me to hide something from my best friend and almost sister?" she asked, "That's gonna cost you."

"What?" he asked, he couldn't believe this girl, "You can't be serious."

"Fine then." Zee smirked evilly, "Besides, how do you know she hasn't, at least, figured out that he's acting funny with her."

"Uh!"

Zee grinned in victory, she knew Sam could be completely airheaded at any time but Sam knew a bit more about dwarven culture than she did. All Zee really had to do was remind Sam of what she already knew.

"What do you want.." he sighed, "What's your price?"

"Teach me archery." she grinned evilly, too bad the second dwarf prince never was warned about Zee's devious ways."Teach me or I will scream everything you just told me right now."

Kili glared over his shoulder but agreed, "Fine, we'll start your lessons when we stop."

"Okay!" Zee smiled, hugging him a bit tighter. "Thank you Kili."

"Yeah, yeah." Kili now wished that Zee rode with Balin instead, he wouldn't be digging his own grave if he let her ride with Balin.

Jackie, who rode with Bofur, never once noticed that Bilbo was looking at her and Bofur rather intently. Bofur, however, did.

"I wonder what's wrong with Bilbo." Bofur said as he noticed that Bilbo kept looking back at him. "He's being rather moody."

"He doesn't like that pony." Jackie stated, thinking nothing of the hobbit, "Not to mention it was probably Sam's persistence that convinced him to join us."

"Maybe." he sighed, "Still, I'd rather he not be turning around all mad."

Jackie shrugged her shoulders but spoke no more, she didn't see it as something she should care about. She only associated herself in Sam and Zee's problems because they were funny. These guys were more dramatic then her friends, how could that even be possibly!? Zee's whole '_The Gates of Heaven Opened!_' episode was even beat by these guys.

"Anyways," Bofur continued, "I'm curious to know about you and your friends."

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like how did you meet." he said, "All of you are completely different personalities."

"Oh," Jackie shrugged again, "I met Sam first, she actually didn't really like me at first but I never noticed. About two months later we became friends."

"And what about Miss. Zee?" he asked, "When did you meet her?"

"Sam met her first," Sam already told them about her lie of where they were from so they managed to come up with a complete exploitation they all could remember. "They met during lessons and eventually Zee got Sam to open up and they've been best friends ever since."

"And when did ya meet her?" he asked again, "Did Sam introduce you?"

"Yeah sort of, Sam liked to hang out with Zee a lot and I sort just found my way into their little duo." Jackie wasn't even sure how that happened actually, it was kind of a blur. Sam said she felt the same way when she thought back to when she met Zee.

"Interesting." he hummed, "And now your all close like family huh?"

"Sometimes," she answered truthfully, "there are times where we annoy the crap out of each other."

"I say," he laughed, "I don't understand your odd talking lass, do you mind teaching me?"

Jackie shrugged again, "Sure why not, I'm not devilishly evil like Sam and Zee are."

Again, Bofur laughed at Jackie's comment of Sam and Zee and, of course, the two getting laughed at heard. They and their chariots were not that far from the goofy dwarf and their friend to not hear, though it could be said they both were listening quite intently.

"The nerve!" Zee hissed, "I am not that cruel!"

"I'm not that much of a raging bitch." Sam added with a pout.

Fili and Kili rolled their eyes at the girls' complaints, "You won't teach us your little language you speak."

"That's not cruelty." Zee told them in a half monotone voice, "That's funny. There is a freaking difference."

"Not to mention we were planning on teaching you eventually." Sam added, "Now I think we won't, right Zee?"

"Right." Zee nodded her head and huffed like she was offended before breaking their act, "Now that I think about Bilbo is looking at them kind of weird."

Sam poked her head out from behind Fili and caught Bilbo casting a glare at Bofur and Jackie. "Yeah he is. What's up with that?"

"It seems that he's jealous." Fili said as he too took a glance at the scowling hobbit. "I can't imagine why though."

"He had her first." Kili said without thinking, "He also got quite red when I said that I thought she was his wife."

"You thought that?" Sam giggled, "My god, that's kind of funny."

"But anyone would get embarrassed if you thought a stranger was married to them." Zee argued, "But I have to say, there is something going on here."

"And we must get to the bottom of it!" Sam added for Zee as they both peeked their heads over the brothers' shoulders.

"What?"

"You two are going to help us." Zee smiled in fake innocence.

"Or we will have some horrible punishment planned for you." Sam grinned like some twisted horror movie character.

Fili and Kili's eyes went wide and both nodded in agreement out of fear of what she could possible have planned for them.

"Good!" Sam smiled sweetly, her previous evilness vanished so quickly. "Now then, here's what you're gonna do."

"You two will keep tabs on Bofur while we deal with Bilbo." Zee told them, she kind of sounded like a general, "If you learn anything juicy, you come and tell us. In secret of course."

"What is tabs?" Kili asked, "and what do you mean something juicy?"

Sam and Zee groaned in annoyance, they should have really carefully worded their demands.

"Okay," Sam said, "what we meant was you two watch Bofur for any odd or unusual behavior regarding our friend."

"When he does things that seem intriguing that involves our friend, let us know." Zee finished, "Do we have an understanding now?"

The brothers nodded, "Yes." So they got a bit of a lesson of their way of speaking out of the two and were now they're associates in this plot, the journey could have started in worse ways.

Sam and Zee, on the other hand, were just perky and giggly about poking their noses into Jackie's love life, even if the girl wasn't even aware that she probably had a love triangle. It would work as something to keep Sam and Zee from annoying the crap out of Thorin or the other dwarves.

"So what exactly do we look for?" Kili asked lowly, he was slightly afraid of this mission.

"Just little things for now." Sam said, "Like how he talks about her, if he ever does, that'll work for now."

And if he doesn't talk about her?" Fili asked, thinking he found a way out of this mess.

"Then ask him!" Zee hissed, "You can totally bring up the subject of her quite casually!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>So the whole Gates of heaven story is funnier if watched but what happened was that Zee tripped on a piece of metal that was sticking out of the ground and she claimed that as she near fell to the earth that the gates of heaven opened up and God( or Jesus) looked down and said "You're back!?" It was really funny for me and Jackie.<strong>_

_**Also, while we are at Starbucks, Zee forgot that she had to pick her mom up from work! I didn't know you could forget your own mother! I knew you could forget kids, wives, husbands, siblings but your mother?! How did that happen!? Either way the situation is being fixed.**_

_**The braids thing, I've read a lot of fanfics that say braids have meanings and I love the idea so Imma rolling with it.**_

_**Anywho we have our first follower, 1Corinthians 1313. Thank you so much darling for the support!**_

_**See ya next time**_

_**~Michelle Lacie Kat**_


	4. Chapter 4

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

**_Chapter 4: Detectives Sam and Zee On The Case!_**

* * *

><p>When the company stopped at a cliff ledge, Kili and Zee left to go start her practice. Some of the dwarves went to go watch while the rest stayed to set up camp. Sam would have gone to watch but Jackie and Bofur went and Bilbo stayed at the camp, it was the perfect opportunity for her to get some dirt.<p>

"Here," Sam said as she hurried to a confused and slightly helpless hobbit, "let me help you out Bilbo."

He had been assigned the job of tying up the ponies and Minty was being a bit of a rambunctious one. "Thank you." he sighed when Sam calmed the pony down.

"Don't worry about it." she smiled, "Thorin had me tie Minty up when we took a break before heading over to Bag End."

"At least you know how to deal with these animals." he groaned, "I do not like them."

"Really?" Sam always wondered why Bilbo never like ponies in the movie, "How come?"

"They're bigger than me." he said quietly, "They scare me."

Sam smiled sympathetically, "I use to be scared of horses because of a bad experience but I got over it."

"How?" he asked.

"I never really blamed the horse anymore." she said, "The poor thing was just as frightened as I was and plus no one else who was there made it any better."

"What are you saying?" he gave a weird look like he knew what she meant but wasn't all that sure.

"Animals can sense fear of its handlers and riders," she said as she pet Minty's muzzle, "it bothers them when you're afraid. That's probably why Minty started to get all goofy."

"I can't help that they scare me." he said as they both started to help Bombur with dinner.

Sam nodded, " I know but just give them poor creatures a chance, they are not all that bad."

Bilbo sighed but agreed with Sam, "I guess I'll try."

Sam perked that she was getting him to agreed with her, It might help in getting him to talk. "So Jackie said you were kind enough to let her stay with you before the dwarves came."

Bilbo blushed a deep red, "Y-Yes! I didn't want her wandering by herself."

Sam smiled happily, "I'm glad!"

"But I feel that maybe she didn't appreciate it." he sighed, "She hasn't said thank you yet."

"She probably did." Sam said, Jackie was always the one to be polite before Sam and Zee. "She talks rather softly so maybe you never heard her."

"Really?" he brightened up rather quick.

Sam, seeing this reaction, plotted a rather evil idea, "I'll ask her just to be sure but I must say, you really are fond of Jackie huh?"

"W-What?" he blushed again, "W-What do you-?"

"Oh, calm down Bilbo." she laughed, "I just meant that you seem to like her a bit."

"W-Well she's r-rather kind yes..."

"She's a super good friend but she's really quiet." Sam could have just dropped the subject but being suggestive was too much fun. Too bad Zee wasn't here.

"I im-imagine so." he looked down at the ground, "She had said something about being too young to marry when Fili and Kili came to my house..."

"Well yeah, she's only seventeen."

"That is still very young!" he exclaimed in shock, "And you and Zee?"

"I'm seventeen too but Zee is sixteen." Sam didn't see anything wrong with their ages but then she remembered that people of middle-earth just might.

"The three of you should not be on such a dangerous journey." Bilbo said in a hushed voice, "After all, you have so much to live for and this could take it all away."

Sam shook her head, "Where we're from, we're almost adults so no, we don't care. Besides, we want to be on this adventure!"

"Does Jackie?" he asked.

"She tags along with the stupid things Zee and I do so not really." Sam probably could have lied but if what she thinks is true he'd probably ask her and then she'd say no. "But she'll thank us later, I'm sure of it!"

"I feel you are far too confident." Bilbo told her, "Why are you so sure?"

"I told you," Sam hated to repeat herself but she held her tongue, not until they get better acquainted, "if you don't believe you'll never succeed."

Bilbo gave her a funny look but said nothing more about her weird beliefs. He wasn't so sure he could believe her but maybe she was on to something. Maybe, just maybe.

* * *

><p>That night, Sam, Zee, and Jackie slept near the fire as Fili and Kili kept watch. Of course, with Sam being a bit of an insomniac, she decided to spend her time talking to the brothers.<p>

"Why are you so interested in learning our street talk?" Sam asked them quietly, "I mean, surely you guys have your own slang don't you?"

"We want to understand you." Kili said, he didn't exactly want to sell Fili down the river yet and nor did he want Zee to do so.

"Okay but I don't get why." she continued, "In fact, I thought maybe Thorin wouldn't approve."

"He understands you more than we all do." Fili argued, "He told us a bit but even he wasn't all that sure."

"Well," Since Thorin told them, she figured it didn't exactly count and she didn't want them to use certain sayings wrong. "what did he tell you?"

"He said that blast meant having a good time." Fili said after a moment of thinking, "He said that when you use the word c_rap_ it's not meaning an actual crap, same with shit."

"He said it was an expression." Kili added, "Are those correct?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah it is."

"So now we know three." Fili said, "But there's more."

"It's not that hard to figure out." Sam said, she was still laying down as he spot was surprisingly comfortable. "You just have to think about it."

Just then, Bilbo got up from being unable to sleep and went to feed one of the ponies. Sam had suggested that when Bilbo asked her, as a way to change the subject from Jackie, what to do to gain the animals' friendship. However, a loud and shrilling shriek sounded from the land below, killing his moment with the animals.

"What was that?" he asked, looking around rather panicky.

Sam looked at the brothers, immediately noticing that they were going to pick on the poor hobbit. "Oh no."

"Orcs." Kili said lowly, like he was afraid to speak loudly because it would attract attention. "They creep into camps in the middle of the night, no noise just lots of blood."

Bilbo really started to worry but then Sam decided to break the tensions. "And if any blood is coming around here it'll be from me hitting you!" she glared at the brothers, "One more horror story out of you two and they'll be the least of your worries."

The two nodded with wide eyes, truly their mother's temper wasn't one to mess with and they dare not tempt Sam's. They saw Thorin get a pan in the face when their mother got mad, they didn't want the same with the mortal girl.

"You have a fierce temper lass." Balin noted aloud, "Already they fear you."

Sam looked at Balin, then at the brothers and shrugged, "I don't like to hear what could happen in the night okay, that bugs me so much."

Balin gave a chuckle, "Aye lass, I can see that."

"But I agree with her." Thorin said, "Do you think an orc raid is a joke?"

Fili and Kili lowered their head, "We didn't mean anything by it."

"Of course not." Thorin scolded them, Sam even felt cold even though he was agreeing with her. "You know nothing of the world."

Sam spared the brothers a glance, they seemed genuinely ashamed of themselves for their joke. She knew how they felt but that didn't mean it was okay to make those jokes..

"Don't take it to heart laddie, Thorin has more reason to hate orcs than anyone here." Balin said as Thorin headed to the edge of the cliff.

_Gah! The story of how Thorin got the name Oakenshield! _Sam said to herself, she knew right here would be where Balin would retell Thorin's battle with Azog the Defiler. Glancing at the still sleeping Zee and Jackie, Sam was stuck between waking them or letting them sleep through this.

However, Balin had already begun the story, telling about how they went to Moria to claim it. Only they hadn't anticipated the orcs who lived there. Sam wasn't sure what to do so she chose to just lay there and listen to the story. Hearing it in real life was far more touching than in a movie theater or on a television.

When Balin ended his story, all the dwarves were awake and standing. Then, of course, Zee awoke and was mumbling like an idiot.

"What's going on?" she grumbled loudly, "Why's everyone standing? Why are we all looking at Thorin," She groaned as she stretched, "I mean, I know he's beautiful in the moonlight but to keep that up Thorin, you need some sleep. You might want to catch winks to keep that up if you wanna stay all glistening...and cute...Is it morning...?" then she just fell back to sleep.

Sam blushed at her idiotic friend's sleepy rambling, she was going to chew Zee a new ass for this awkward moment.

"Cute?" Thorin said in a combination of disbelief and borderline offense, "Did she just call me...cute?"

"Uh..." she looked around, a few of the dwarves were amused with the little show. "Nooo...she says random crap when she's half asleep...so don't mind her. Don't mind her at all!" Of course, leave it to Thorin's bloody nephews to keep it going.

"But Uncle," Fili said with an grin, "it's so true! You look so dashing in the moonlight!"

"And it's not like you can help it!" Kili continued for his brother, "It does run in the family!"

Thorin's infuriated glare didn't stop the jokes, Fili and Kili continued on about how good looks run in the family, ending with them in particular. They did stop when Thorin threatened to cut their servings for a week. That didn't save his pride though.

* * *

><p>Zee awoke to a swift kick in the butt from Sam, Sam would not let Zee forget what she made her go through last night.<p>

"You bitch!" Sam hissed at the grumbling girl, "I cannot believe you called Thorin cute!"

"What are you talking about?" Zee mumbled as she stretched, "I never-"

"Last night after Balin finished telling us about how Thorin got the name Oakenshield!" Sam growled when none of the dwarves were near by, "You woke up and said Thorin needed sleep to stay beautiful and cute!"

"Zee?" Jackie giggled a bit, "Did you really?"

Zee stopped and thought about that, then her eyes widened just a bit. "I may have a slight recollection of this event."

"Well I remember the whole damn thing!" Sam did some embarrassing things in her life but she knew better than to ever call Thorin cute. Damaging a dwarf's pride was not and never will be on her To Do List!

"It couldn't have been that bad..."

Sure enough, here came Fili and Kili with wide grins one their face. "There's the sleep-talker!"

Zee blushed a bit, "Uh..."

Jackie looked at Zee and gave her a short laugh, "Yeah, it was bad."

"Did you forget?" Kili grinned, "How did she say it Fili?"

"_I know he's beautiful in the moonlight but to keep that up Thorin, you need some sleep. You might want to catch winks to keep that up if you wanna stay all glistening and cute._" The blond mocked in an imitation of Zee's voice.

Jackie laughed so hard that she almost fell to the ground, she was hugging her ribs and turning red (which is amazing considering her brown skin normally makes it hard to tell.).

"Oh shut up!" Zee blushed, "It's not like I really meant anything by it!"

"Of course you didn't." they teased her for a moment more before Thorin said it was time to leave.

"Are you riding with me again?" Fili asked Sam, secretly he wanted her to say yes but she had the right to choose.

"Yeah why not?" Sam smiled as she approached his pony, "Unless you would rather I go with someone else."

"Of course not." He smiled, "I would be honored to let you ride with me."

Zee watched in confusion, at a distance of course, as her best friend was being flirted with. Sam had to know that he liked her, she couldn't be that dense. Could she?

"Uh Zee?" Kili waved his hand in front of Zee's face, "Zee, are you okay?"

"Huh?" That was just proof Zee wasn't paying any attention whatsoever. "When'd you get here?"

"I've been here a while." he sighed, "Now can we go?"

"Huh?" Zee hadn't noticed that everything was all packed and that everyone was hopping on their horses. "Oh!"

"I swear.." Kili grumbled as he and Zee mounted their pony.

"Oh shush!" Zee snapped, "I only had a squirrel moment."

"A what?" these girls were so confusing, Sam said it was easy to cypher what they were saying.

"Okay," she said, "A squirrel moment is when someone blanks out or gets distracted by something while doing something. Got it?"

"I don't understand why you can't talk like normal people." Kili sighed again with a shake of his head.

"Normal people?" Zee asked, "Why should we be normal? Do normal people have fun?"

"Just stop it Zee!" Sam called back to Zee, "I'd like to not make them brain dead so early, we still got a mountain to conquer!"

"But he said we need to be normal!" Zee complained, "I don't wanna be normal!"

"You can't even be normal!" Jackie called back while she was riding , "You'd probably burn!"

A chorus of of hoots and laughs sounded from all the dwarves and Gandalf, even Bilbo couldn't help but laugh at the joke. Zee, on the other hand, was nowhere amused and grumbled on about how heartless these people were to her.

"If you didn't want a smart remark," Sam laughed, "then you shouldn't have said anything!"

Just then, to follow Zee's sour mood, the dwarves and girls felt water drop on them. Not long after that, it started to down right pour on everyone.

"I know this started because of you Zenin!" Sam barked to her friend as her clothes became immediately soaked.

"I did nothing!" Zee shot back. "Do not accuse me of shit I haven't even done!"

"Sure."

* * *

><p>"Here Mr. Gandalf," Dori called to the wizard, "can't you do something about this deluge?"<p>

"It is raining master dwarf!" Gandalf replied, "And it will continue to rain until the rain is done!"

Sam and Zee almost giggled as they both thought about how Dori just got told by Gandalf. It was probably mean, after all everyone expects wizards to be able to do things like control the weather.

"If you wish to change the weather, you should find yourself another wizard."

There was the briefest moments of silence before Bilbo asked, "Are there any others?"

"What?" Gandalf asked.

"He asked if there were any other wizards." Jackie said as Bofur's pony suddenly sped up to follow Bilbo's.

"There are five of us." Gandalf answered, "There's Saruman The White, he's the leader of our order. Then there are two blue wizards. You know, I've forgotten their names."

"And the fifth?" Bilbo asked.

"That would be Radagast The Brown." he answered.

"Is he a great wizard?" Bilbo asked, "Or is he more like you?"

Sam nibbled her lip out of embarrassment, even though she did nothing it always bothered her when someone else says something wrong like Bilbo did. She knew he didn't mean to sound rude but it came out that way.

"I think he's a great wizard, in his own way." he said while not masking his offense, "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to Men. He keeps a watchful eye over the forests of the East and a good thing too; for evil will always try to get a foothold in the world."

Sam didn't like the sound of that, neither did Zee. Both knew that there was evil already at work, the evil known as the Dark Lord Sauron. How could they warn Gandalf without giving away their secret? How could they warn them of Azog still being alive and being a general for the Dark lord? How?

"You seem so cold Sam." Fili noted, "You were fine until Gandalf mentioned this Brown wizard."

"Yeah well," Sam said, "I guess the rain finally got to me."

"Really?" he asked, he didn't believe her. Actually, most of what she's told him of the life the three once held he did not believe. She was hiding something and he just knew it.

"Yeah, I like rain when I'm inside but when I'm like this, I hate it."

Fili laughed, all the dwarves hated rain when they were not near their homes, where nice, hot stew awaited them. "I agreed, the elements are not that pleasing right now."

"Where I am from," Sam said softly so no one else would hear, "little kids would sing a song to ward away the rain. It doesn't work but it's fun."

"Oh?" he asked, "Will you sing it?"

"I'm not one to sing." Sam blushed madly, she blamed on the cold and not that the dwarf prince asked her, the most horrible singer known to mankind, to sing.

"I doubt it's much of a song." he teased, he was curious to hear this little song. "Please?"

Sam sighed and gave in, "Fine..."

Fili grinned in triumph and patiently waited for her to start. "Anytime you're ready."

"Okay." Sam took in a deep breath and started, "Rain, rain go away. Come again another day. Daddy wants to play. Rain, rain go away, come again another day. Mommy wants to play."

"It's cute." Fili smiled, "Still not that big of a song."

"There's another one. " Sam added, "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring. He jumped out of bed and bumped his head and he couldn't get up in the morning."

"That's better!" Fili laughed, only to stop and realized that the rain was letting up. "It seems your song works after all, the rain is thinning."

"Yay!" Sam grinned, "I'm magical!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>I AM TOO MAGICAL! Don't you dare argue with me TurnerzNikes! On a side note: I have a cold Hot Cocoa! Okay the chocolate is getting to me. Bye! ~Michelle Lacie Kat<strong>_


	5. Chapter 5

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 5: TROLL DAY!**_

* * *

><p>With the sun shining bright once again, the chattering continued on happily. Occasionally a brave dwarf would imitate Zee's awkward moment of the previous night but for the most part it was all friendly and enjoyable for all.<p>

"So," Balin asked as he rode his pony beside Fili's, "What was your home like if you do not mind my asking?"

"Uh!" Sam blushed a bit, how could she be honest while she's still lying? She remembered what they discussed but more detailed things were not ever brought up. "It was okay I guess, we just hated how bad things were getting."

"What do you mean?" he continued, "Was there conflict among your people."

"Yeah!" Zee called back to them as Kili's pony was ahead of them, "We were on the verge of a civil war!"

"A civil war?" Dwalin hooted a laugh, "How can a war be civil?"

"It's a ridiculous name, yes," Sam agreed, "but the last civil war we had was rather disturbing so we left."

"Was the first war recent?" Dwalin asked curiously.

"No..." Sam tried to recall the exact number of years it had been since that war but it couldn't come up in her head. "It was many years ago, over a hundred for sure."

"How bad was it?" Ori asked, his journal wide open and surely filled with notes.

"Um," She knew how to describe it but she wasn't all that sure they would understand completely. "It was basically where families were torn apart and fighting against each other."

"What?" Fili was shocked, a war so awful that families were against one another? He heard of no such thing! "Why would they do that? Family is the greatest support you will ever have."

"Not during that war." Zee called back again, "And I think it's best we leave it at that, okay?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah, I really don't want to talk about our home anymore. We left it for a reason and we'd like not to dwell on that."

The dwarves agreed to drop it before Thorin called them to a stop. The ruins they stopped at seemed like they were once a small house and they were.

Sam and Zee held back on bringing up their knowledge and passed off their unease to just discomfort from riding for so long, not to mention that they never fully dried off from the rain.

"Fili, Kili," Thorin called to the brothers as they helped Sam and Zee walk because they were incredibly sore. "look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them."

Sam and Zee smiled apologetically to the brothers, such a job starts out fun but very quickly it turns boring. "See you boys later!" they waved as they approached the ruins, almost forgetting that Gandalf and Thorin would be arguing over going to Rivendell.

"I did not know it was your's to keep." Thorin gave Gandalf a look like he dare question his choice, upsetting the wizard greatly. Gandalf stormed past the girls and the dwarves angrily, if they didn't know the movie they would have thought that he was leaving for good.

"Gandalf?" Bilbo called to the wizard, "Where are you going?"

"To seek the company of the only one who has any sense!" he huffed, still heading back the way they came.

"Who's that?" Bilbo innocently asked.

"Myself Master Baggins!" Gandalf just about yelled, adding quietly afterwards, "I've had enough of dwarves for one day."

Sam and Zee glanced at each other awkwardly, neither were sure what to do or even say until Jackie came up to them.

"Are you two okay?" she asked worriedly, "You're both kinda pale."

"It's nothing." Sam answered quickly, "I just really hate it when people yell like that."

"It was super awkward." Zee added, sort of hugging herself, "Either way, I can't get archery lessons."

"Oh!" Sam remembered that the brothers were going to be busy with the ponies, "That's right huh? Looks like you're staying here with us then."

"No so fast lass." Dwalin said as he approached Sam, "Thorin said you three needed to learn to fight."

"To fight?" Sam asked, "You mean like sword fight?"

Dwalin nodded, "Thorin and I decided to teach you."

"But Kili's teaching me archery." Zee argued, "I don't wanna learn to use a sword!"

"Yeah that frightens me too." Sam grinned, "You'd probably kill one of us because you're swinging that damn thing around so much."

"I would not!"

"I agree with Sam." Jackie added with a laugh, "I don't even trust you with archery, you almost killed yourself a few times."

"Oh shut up!" Zee blushed angrily, she wanted to learn archery so that she had a better chance at bonding with Legolas.

"You're all still learning regardless." He told them, "Now hurry over there and Balin will help you find a suitable sword."

The three girls made their way over to a wider clearing suitable for such training where Balin already stood for them. He had some of their extra swords laid out for the girls to find one that they could manage. Unfortunately, these were dwarvish sword and made for dwarves, not weak human girls. The only one to not be all that bothered with the weight was Sam, oddly enough.

"Once you get use to it," she said as she gently swung it around, "it's actually not all that bad."

"I guess we'll start with you then Sam." Thorin said as he came over with his sword. "First, your posture."

Dwalin and Thorin spent a good twenty minutes adjusting Sam's posture before actually teaching her to fight. It actually surprised the girls how well Sam was receiving the lessons, it was almost worrisome.

"This is kinda fun!" Sam smiled when she blocked an attack from Thorin.

"You're fair." Thorin told her as he swung at her again, her sword clashing with his, "How can you say you don't know how to use a sword when your actions say otherwise?"

"I swear to you Thorin," Sam said as she dodged another strike, "I do not know how to fight but, for some reason, I'm taking this in rather well." Just as she said that, her sword suddenly went cold with hard ice freezing over it then quickly caught fire.

"Whoa!" Sam dropped the blade, shocked to see that it returned to being a regular sword without any scorch marks or frost.

"What was that?" Zee asked as she and Jackie rushed over to her, "Sam, did you do that?"

"I-I" She couldn't talk, she glanced at her hands to see if she had any burns or frost, instead she found that where she stood looked like there was fire underneath the ground. "W-What is..?"

"Was that magic?" Ori asked eagerly, already he had his journal out and opened, "Can you do it again?"

"Uh..." Sam looked at her hands, a bit spooked at the idea that she was the one responsible for that. "I don't know how..."

"Pick up the sword again." Dwalin told her.

"H-huh?" Sam stared at him worriedly, "Why?"

"It happened when you had the sword." he reasoned, "Try again."

Sam hesitant, she didn't really like the idea of having magic as much as she probably should. It was just really weird to her. "Okay..." Sam picked up the sword, slightly relieved that nothing happened.

"It must have to do with her energy." Balin concluded, "When Gandalf comes back, we'll ask him."

* * *

><p>Sam and Zee were eating the stew that Bombur made for everyone when Bilbo started complaining about Gandalf being gone for too long.<p>

"He's a wizard," Bofur told him, "he does as he pleases."

That answer didn't sit well with Bilbo but there was nothing the poor hobbit could do. Sam always saw that Bilbo sort of clung to Gandalf in the Unexpected Journey so naturally he would be bothered by the wizard not being around.

"Here," Bofur handed Bilbo two bowls, "Give these to the lads."

"I'll go too." Sam put her stew aside and decided to join Bilbo, "It's gonna be a boring walk if you go alone."

Bilbo, grateful for the friendly company, agreed, "Thank you, Sam."

"No problem." She smiled at the hobbit, when the two were far enough Sam had to ask, "Bilbo, do you not like Bofur?"

"What?" He asked, blushing like a school girl, "What do you mean? Of course I like Bofur!"

"Well, you always glare at him when we're riding." Sam pointed out, "Not to mention you get really mad when he makes Jackie laugh."

Bilbo put his head down, "I-I don't hate him..."

"If you don't hate him then why glare at him?"

Bilbo didn't say anything for a moment then he finally sighed, "I guess I'm just a bit jealous..."

"Jealous?" This was what Sam was waiting for, "Why?"

"I-I think we should stop discussing this." Bilbo insisted, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Maybe it'll make you feel better." Sam continued to press for information, "I won't tell anyone! I swear!"

Bilbo built up a sheen of sweat across his forehead from her pressuring, "U-Uh..."

"C'mon!" Sam grinned happily, bumping his elbow with her's in a suggestive manner. "Spit it out!"

"Fine!" Bilbo blushed madly, "I fancy Jackie."

"Fancy?" Sam giggled, "You mean you have a crush on her?"

"What is a crush?" Bilbo asked, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

"It's the same thing as fancying someone." Sam quickly defined the word, "So you like her? That's why you're all jelly with Bofur! How cute!"

"Jelly?"

"Shortened version of jealous." Sam explained, "But really, you seriously have feelings for her?"

Bilbo didn't answer, just nodded his head.

Sam gave a small squeal, "I can't believe it!"

"Shush!" Bilbo quickly covered Sam's mouth, of course after setting down the brothers' meals. "You said you wouldn't say anything!"

Sam pushed away his hands, "Okay, okay! I'll keep it to myself."

"Thank you." he huffed, "I do appreciate that you'd respect that wish."

Sam just happily followed Bilbo to where the brothers stood stone still, gazing upon the ponies. Bilbo tried to hand them their dinner, only to realized that something was wrong.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"We were suppose to be looking after the ponies." Kili said, still staring off toward the animals.

"Only we encountered a slight problem." Fili said, turning to look at the hobbit.

"We had sixteen."

"Now there's fourteen."

Panic now swelled within the four, more so Sam as she knew where the ponies were. The three tried to determine what happened to the innocent creatures when Sam spotted the light of the trolls' fire.

"Look!" Sam whispered to them, "There's a light."

The trio hurried over to Sam and followed to where she was pointing, from here no one could see the trolls but Sam knew they would be seeing one very soon.

"I think we need to tell Thorin." Sam pleaded with the brothers, "Pretty please."

"Thorin has enough to worry about." Fili told her, "It can't be anything too serious."

Sam wasn't even reassured but did nothing to change their situation. She wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, the trolls weren't there and that the ponies got loose but her common sense told her to quit lying to herself.

They all followed the light, stealthily hiding behind trees, only to be nearly spotted by the thieving troll Sam was worried over.

"He's got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo urgently whispered.

"He has poor Minty?" Sam asked in shock, she adored Minty.

"Aye!" Kili whispered back.

"I think they're going to eat them." Bilbo hurriedly whispered, "We need to do something."

Almost like a light bulb, the brothers turned to Bilbo. "Yes, you should!"

Sam glared at Fili and Kili, "Oh no! You two are not sending him out to be killed!"

"He won't get hurt!" Fili told her, "He'll be fine."

"It's perfectly safe," Kili told both Sam and Bilbo, "we'll be right behind you."

Fili and Kili took the bowls from Bilbo and Fili pushed him toward the trolls' camp. "If you run into trouble hoot once like a farm owl and twice like a brown owl."

Just as Bilbo was walking toward the camp, muttering to himself on what to do, the brothers dragged Sam back to their camp.

"You can't be serious!" Sam hissed, "We can't just leave him!"

"Trolls favor the flesh of women." Kili told her, "You and the girls need to stay away and we're getting Thorin."

"Oh!" Sam barked a bit at them, "Now you're getting him?"

"Will you just promise you'll stay at camp?" Fili asked, "Please azyung?"

Sam stilled, she heard that word before (well not heard but read.) and she recognized it immediately for what it was. It meant something along the lines of love, _his_ love...Thanks to this sudden realization Sam finally understood why Fili wanted to put a braid in her hair. Braids done between a female and male were a symbol of their bond as each others' other half. How did she forget that?!

"Uh..." Sam blushed and nodded, "Y-Yeah okay, whatever!" Oh man! How embarrassing it was for her to realize these things! Not to mention she only just met Fili!

When they reached the camp, Thorin and the others hurriedly gathered their weapons and made way to the trolls' camp. Sam, Zee, and Jackie stayed behind as told.

"I'm so embarrassed!" Sam blushed as she explained her situation to her friends, "I can't be his One!"

"Calm down Sam!" Zee told her, grabbing Sam's shoulders and shaking them a bit roughly. "It's not that bad."

"Yes it is!" Sam argued back, like always Jackie refuse to get involved and just patiently waited for the company to return. "A dwarf either marries his/her craft or their One and do you know what happens when they find their One and lose them?"

"No." Zee said, not understanding where this was going, "What happens?"

"They wither away and die!" Sam felt like she was in-between a rock and a hard place. "I don't want to be responsible for that!"

"Okay, okay." Zee said, hoping to calm her down, "Surely you can't be his girlfriend, you're human."

"Hey," Sam smiled a bit, "you're right. Thorin wouldn't allow it."

"Huh?"

"Fili is Thorin's heir." Sam reasoned, "Surely a future king of Erebor can't marry a human girl!"

"Well there you go!" Zee smiled, "You figured out your whole problem!"

"And if you two are done with that," Jackie said to get their attention, "are you sure that they're going to be okay?"

"Well yeah." they both nodded.

"The trolls are suppose to catch them," Sam said as she recalled the exact scene, "and then Bilbo plays for time until Gandalf comes."

"But how do we know that's still gonna happen?" Jackie had a feeling that they have changed much of the story already with just their presence. "What if something changes?"

"Uh...?" Sam and Zee glanced at each other, it was a possibility and a pretty big one.

"We could just go look." Jackie suggested, "They can't smell us right?"

"Well," Sam chewed on her lip, "No they can't but Fili said trolls love the taste of women's flesh."

"We don't have to get all that close." Zee offered, "Just close enough to see what was going on."

"Okay.." Sam felt it wasn't a good idea but at the same time she was now concerned.

So the three tiptoed through the thick woods, following Sam's direction toward the other camp. They did all they could to be quiet and soon found themselves witnessing half the dwarves being cooked over a fire and the rest on the sidelines in sacks.

"Well this looks pretty bad." Jackie told them angrily, "You never said anything about them being cooked alive!"

"Bilbo's going to save them!" Zee snapped, "That's how this works!"

On cue, Bilbo stood up "Wait! You're making a horrible mistake!"

"See?" Sam smiled, "It all going according to the movie, we can't mess that up now!"

"But look!" Jackie said, "That one isn't buying it!"

"Hey!" Sam barked, "We agreed to not get involved!"

"But Sam, we can't leave them like this!" Jackie argued back at her, "And this is a perfect time to practice your magic."

"Oh c'mon!" Sam complained, totally not liking that idea."I could hurt one of them!"

"I agree!" Zee said, "Gandalf's coming!"

Suddenly, one of the trolls turned toward to where the girls were hiding. "Blimey!" he said, "I think there's more!"

The girls gasped, they forgotten how loud they could be! They were so into their argument that they failed to remember that they were hiding from nasty trolls.

"Fuck!" Zee exclaimed.

"Split!" Sam ushered, Jackie going to the left and her and Zee going to the right.

"Hey!" Zee turned a bit to Sam, "Where you going?"

"Me? What about you?!"

"Shit!" they both cursed, turning around to save their friend. "We left Jackie!"

However, the troll caught their friend long before they even realized that she was alone. He carried her back to the other two, earning approval.

"For fuck's sakes!" they both face palmed themselves.

Kili snapped his head toward the two idiots, "Sam? Zee?" his eyes widened in rage and disbelief.

Both girls raised one hand, giving Kili a timid wave and mouthing, "Hi..."

"What do we do?!" Sam asked Zee.

"I don't know!"

"Let's cut her up!" One of the trolls suggested, "Eat her raw!"

The two stopped their arguing and gasped in shock, "Aw hell no!" There was no way in hell they were about to let their friend be eaten.

Sam then noticed that the ground was freezing underneath her feet, "Zee, look."

"Huh?" Zee looked down and jumped away in shock, "Whoa!"

"I think we got my magic to work."

"No shit!"

"But I don't know how to use it at all!" Sam whispered to her, "Not to mention that they'll figure out it's me."

"Get emotional!" Zee told her, "Be Elsa! Even though I hate that movie right now! And we'll just fuck with them then."

"How?" Zee suddenly slapped Sam's shoulder rather harshly, "Ow!" Sam tried to swing at Zee using her right arm only to have a burst of ice shoot out toward the Trolls when she missed.

"Ah!" One of the trolls shrieked, "Something froze me buttocks!"

Sam and Zee shared a look, their evil minds synced together and devised a perfect plan. "You go left and I go right!"

The two ran in different directions, one using her new magic while the other threw fair sized rocks at the moronic trolls. The trolls, too busy trying to figure out where all this chaos was coming from, didn't notice Jackie tending to the dwarves on the ground.

"There's one!" A troll reached down and grabbed Zee, "Another female!"

"Let me go you fucking fucktard!" Zee shouted, kicking around like a wild animal, "This is a total lawsuit!"

"She's a squirmy one!" another said, "Those taste the best!"

"I swear vengeance upon thee if you do not unhand me!" She shouted at them, "I will sue for all you have, which probably isn't very much!"

Sam, still hidden, rolled her eyes and decided to screw all stealth for her friends. After all, with her magic it wouldn't matter if she got caught. "Hey!" Sam hopped out and sent another blast of ice at the Troll holding Zee. "Let her go you asshole!"

"Another one?" If Sam wasn't shooting ice at them they would be happy but be it as it may that was gonna take a moment.

The troll holding Zee let her drop onto the cold, hard ground, "Ow, you fucking douche-dick!" Zee, despite the pain, hopped up and ran toward Jackie to assist her. "Let's a go now!"

"What happened to_ Gandalf has to show up_?!" Jackie mocked as they freed the dwarves.

"He will!" Zee shot back, "Do not sass the Sass Master _princessa_!"

"Bert!" A troll howled, "They are freeing the food!"

The troll, Bert presumably, headed toward the two girls and dwarves but, without actually meaning to, Sam shot out a large flame from her left hand. "Blimey!"

"I've got fire and ice!" Sam happily grinned, "This is fucking awesome!"

As if choosing now to be his grand entrance, Gandalf finally appeared over the rock like he was suppose to. "And the dawn shall take you all!" He thrust his staff into the rock, splitting it so that the trolls were in the light of the sun.

The trolls screamed in agony and backed away in a futile attempt of hiding from the sunlight. Still, no matter the effort, the trio inevitably turned to stone.

Zee glared over at Gandalf, "It's about fucking time! Did you take a stroll before coming to help out old man? Seriously!"

Gandalf shook his head and made his way to the group, he settled on freeing those above the fire while the girls helped those on the ground. "You made it at least."

"You're amazing Sam." Ori said as he was freed, eagerly heading over to the girl. "Fire and ice, who'd have ever thought!"

"I can't believe you!" Fili huffed, storming toward her, "I told you to stay at the camp!"

"It wasn't my fault!" Sam argued, "Okay, a small percent is but Jackie was concerned so we came to check..."

"You could have been killed!" He growled at her, "Don't you ever do anything so stupid again!"

"Stupid?!" Sam gasped angrily, "Who's fault is it anyways that the Trolls took the ponies huh?"

Fili's face turned red, either out of anger or shock she didn't know but she certainly struck a nerve. Instead of replying, Fili stormed away to help Gandalf a bit more.

"Oh!" Zee said to Kili, leaning toward him so that only he would hear her. "First lover's quarrel! So special!"

Kili rolled his eyes and walked away to speak with his brother. It was obvious Fili was upset of Sam's point but he didn't really have much of a reason to be so angry, Sam was gonna be in danger so long as she was on this journey.

"Well that was a show Sam." Zee said, joining the other brunette, "You think he's gonna be pissy for a while?"

"More than likely." Sam sighed, "I hate being accused of shit."

"Obviously." Zee laughed.

"I'm impressed Sam," Gandalf said, coming over to the girls. "I knew there was something special about all of you."

"All of us?" Zee asked, "Only Sam has any powers."

"I do not believe that'll stand for long." he hummed, irritating Zee because he wasn't just out and telling them what he meant.

"Stupid riddles," Zee growled, "why does no one ever say what they mean?"

"Don't know." Sam said, "But you do remember what's happening next right?"

"The troll horde?" Zee groaned, neither of the girls wanted to go into a troll's horde. Everyone knows that nothing smells worse than that. "Kill me Sam, end it all please."

* * *

><p><em><strong>I have returned! Okay, so I realized that I never actually made and reference to what my friends and I were wearing so I drew up some reference sheets for me. I'll post them eventually for everyone to see. <strong>_


	6. Chapter 6

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 6: Wizards, Orcs, and Elves, Oh My!**_

* * *

><p>"There must be a troll horde nearby." Thorin told the group, "We might find some newer weapons."<p>

And so the company went on a small search for the horde that should contain valuables all while smelling worse than rotten carcasses. It wasn't hard to find, there was only one cave near by and it stank for miles.

"Whoa!" the girls groaned as the horrid smell greeted their noses, "Damn that's foul!"

Sam coughed and hacked, "I thought my dad's farts were deadly!"

"Air!" Zee gasped, hurriedly running away from the cave, "I need air!"

Thorin and Gandalf took Bofur, Dwalin, Gloin, and Nori into the horde while the rest decided to lounge around away from the mouth of the cave.

"Sam?" Kili asked as he came over to the girls, "Can I talk to you for a minute."

"Sure!" Sam agreed, forgetting that she was angry at Fili and that she was the same dwarf's One. "What's up?"

Kili nudged his head toward the small slope nearby, wanting to talk to her as privately as possible. "So," he nibbled on his lip, unsure of how to proceed with his task, "I assume you're still mad at Fili huh?"

"For yelling at me?" Sam asked, the answer was only so painfully obvious, "Is that why you asked me to talk? To discuss your brother's manginaness?"

"Man what?" he asked confusingly, "What is that?"

Sam blushed, nothing was more insulting to a guy's pride by saying he had a vagina. "Let's forget I used that word, but either way I am still mad at him."

"It's not his fault." Kili said, "It's just that.."

"It has to do with that whole _Azyung_ doesn't it." Sam asked, forgetting that she wasn't suppose to know what the word meant.

"W-W-What makes you think that's it?" Kili asked.

"It sounded like some weird endearment." Sam quickly said, covering up her knowledge. "What's it mean anyway?"

"I can't tell you." Kili said, "Khuzdul is a secret language."

"Well then," Sam sighed, "I don't know what's the point of this."

"Okay." Kili looked so pressured, "Just don't tell Fili or Thorin okay?"

"Fine." Sam agreed.

"Fili wants to make you his consort." Kili said with a sigh, "He knows Thorin might not approve but there's a huge process he has to go through to make you his bride."

"Wait, bride?" Sam asked, she almost fainted out of shock, "So he-you-I...You got to be kidding me here."

"He was mad because you put yourself in danger and he doesn't want to lose you." Kili continued to explain how Fili wasn't really that mad at her, just concerned.

"I-I" Sam lowered her head and blushed, "Kili, I'm a normal daughter of men, not a dwarven princess. I can't marry Fili."

"Do you not return his feelings?" Kili asked, "You're his One which means he's your One too, this isn't something that only one race can feel."

"We only just met!" Sam argued, trying to worm her way out of this, "Kili, people need time to develop feelings."

"When it's not their One they do." Kili pointed out.

"Okay," Sam sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I cannot say at this point that I have romantic feelings for him yet. I need time to process this."

"Alright," Kili nodded, "but please give him a chance."

"I'll try." Sam groaned, "But I'm serious Kili, I'm way too young for this. Isn't there like some age requirement, maturity point or something?"

"Of course." Kili nodded, "Dwarves reach maturity around their early seventies."

"Seventies?" Sam figured as much, seeing that dwarves live until they are of at least two hundred fifty years old, "Dude, I'm seventeen years old."

"But don't men age differently?" he asked, "Gloin heard you tell Bilbo your age and he said that for men, you're almost an adult."

_Damn it! _She was cornered, these bastards! The only thing she could consider hopeful is Thorin's rejection of the whole thing, it was slim but a hope nonetheless. "Alright fine," she sighed in defeat, "just don't bother me with it for a while okay. A day or two will suit me fine."

Kili smiled and nodded, "Will do Sam." he took his leave as Thorin and his small group exited the cave with new treasures.

"You okay, Sam?" Jackie asked when Sam returned to the other two girls, "You look kinda pale."

"Paler than usual." Zee added.

Sam didn't answer, she'd rather just stay quiet for a bit until her head cleared out all over exaggerations she had. She really just needed a moment to herself but among thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, her friends, and a wizard, where would she get that?

Before she could think of a solution for herself, Thorin alarmed everyone of an oncoming being.

"Thieves! Fire! Murder! " a scraggly voice called out and soon came a sleigh driven by rabbits that carried an old man with bird poop on his face.

"Radagast!" Gandalf said fondly, "It's Radagast The Brown."

The Brown wizard looked much more mentally frail in real life than he did in the movie, his eyes were wide with fear while at the same time it looked like he was wondering what he was doing there.

"What on earth are you doing here?" Gandalf asked a bit more quietly.

"I was looking for you Gandalf! Something's wrong. Something's terribly wrong." Radagast spoke so urgently and then it was like he just forgot.

"Yes?" Gandalf asked.

"Ooh!" Radagast moaned, "Just give me a moment. Ooh! I just had a thought and now I've lost it! It was right there, on the tip of my tongue!" Suddenly Radagast stopped and one could see that he did have something on his tongue. "Oh, it's not a thought at all!"

Everyone cringed as the wizard stuck out his tongue, showing that he had a stick insect in his mouth. "It's a silly old stick insect." Gandalf picked up the bug and handed it to Radagast.

"That's just gross man." Zee took a few steps away, the germophobe felt like she wanted to puke.

While Sam and Jackie were just as grossed out, they found themselves busy petting the sweet rabbits. "They're so cute."

Radagast, as if the rabbits had spoken to him, happily asked the girls to watch his rabbits, "They like you!" Was his exact words.

"We will be a moment." Gandalf said as he took his fellow wizard of to the side to talk.

"That was so weird." Zee said, kneeling down with Sam and Jackie to pet the rabbits, "They are cute though."

"They're so tame too." Jackie commented, "And he must have a special bond with them for them to be able to understand each other."

Sam nodded, the one she was petting seemed to enjoy it so much that he started to thump his little rabbit foot. "How adorable, he reminds me of Thumper."

The rabbit looked at her and started to hop around in excitement. Either he liked the name or that was his name, it was something about what she said.

"Is that your name?" Sam asked, when she received a shake she giggled, "Would you like it to be?"

The rabbit nodded happily and hopped into her arms. He nuzzled her neck, which happened to be a major tickle spot for Sam. For a moment, everything seemed so perfect until a loud howl from a warg was heard so close to where they were.

"W-Was that a wolf?" Bilbo stuttered worriedly, "A-A-Are there wolves out here?"

Bofur was the one to answer, "A wolf? No, that was not a wolf."

Zee turned toward the two and screamed when she saw the warg. "Son of a bitch!"

Everyone turned toward the warg, it jumped out at them only to be killed by Thorin and his new sword.

Another warg showed up behind Thorin and the king was unable to remove his sword from the first warg ."Kili!" Thorin called to the brunette, "Ready you're bow!"

It was shot by Kili but the arrow didn't penetrate the warg's hide enough to kill it so Dwalin smashed its skull. By this time, Gandalf and Radagast rejoined everyone and Gandalf looked none too happy.

"Warg scouts!" Thorin grunted as he removed his sword from the warg's head, "Which means an orc pack is not far behind."

"Orc pack?" Bilbo asked, the fear and panic he felt was shared among the girls.

"Who did you tell about your quest beyond your kin?!" Gandalf stomped toward Thorin angrily.

"No one." Thorin told him.

"Who did you tell!?" he demanded.

"No one, I swear!" Thorin raised his voice just a bit and Gandalf dropped the accusation but didn't looked one bit convinced. "What is Durin's name is going on?"

"You're being hunted." Everyone now held a look of fear and panic, even Dwalin.

"That just sounds fabulous!" Sam and Zee squealed.

"We have to get out of here." Dwalin told Thorin, they both ignored the girls' whine.

Just then, Ori and Bifur showed up as they were nearby with the ponies. "We can't! We have no ponies!" he told them, "They bolted."

"Bolted?" Jackie asked, "They took off on us?"

"This is really great!" Zee growled sarcastically, "Now what do we do?!"

Radagast, half leaning on his staff, offered to draw them off of the group's trail with his rabbit sleigh. Gandalf had refuse, stating that the rabbits wouldn't be able to outrun the Gundabad wargs but Radagast was insistent.

"These are Rhosgobel Rabbits!" he told Gandalf, gaining Gandalf's confidence, "I'd like to see them try."

* * *

><p>The one thing all three girls equally despised was running, it wasn't necessarily the running itself more so the fact that they were running for their lives.<p>

"I..totally..hate this." Sam panted as she ran along side Jackie and Zee, "I forgot about..this."

"I..did too..." Zee panted back, "Shit!"

The dwarves weren't having any trouble with running but with Radagast riding around so much it was rather hard to stay hidden from the wargs and orcs. They had to take brief stops randomly behind boulders and then start running again.

During one stop, Sam heard Thorin ask Gandalf where he was leading everyone. Gandalf never answered but his silence seemed to be an answer in itself for Thorin.

"Sam?" Zee asked her friend, "Isn't there suppose to be a warg and orc coming after us soon?"

Sam shot her a glare, bringing that up was not something she felt was exactly bright. After all, any of the dwarves could hear them and that would be just great. There's nothing they needed more than to let their whole secret come out.

Zee's question was immediately answered when their next stop was found with their enemy already on top of the boulder. He and his warg seemed to have caught onto their scent and that was probably not a very good scent at this point.

Thorin turned his head slowly to Kili and gave a nod of his head. Kili, understanding what his uncle wanted, took an arrow from his quiver and, with an obvious burst of courage, he ran from their spot to shoot the warg first. Once the warg was hurt, not dead yet, the orc tried to summon the others but Kili shot its horn out of its hand.

It took a few more shots to kill the warg and Dwalin had to kill the orc but regardless, they still caught the attention of the other orcs. Forced to flee again, this time in pursuit, the company ran into a valley that offered no shelter from the orcs.

Sam grabbed Zee and Jackie's arms and forced them to follow her, Sam made sure that they followed Gandalf to the secret entrance of Rivendell.

"Oh sweet, sweet hidden entrance to Rivendell!" Zee exclaimed, in her relief she forgot that she wasn't suppose to know about that.

Sam and Jackie shot glares at Zee but Gandalf, far more concerned with the dwarves, poked his head out and called to the fools.

"I swear," Sam hissed as they heard the dwarves coming, "I'm going to kill you for that slip."

"Sorry!" Zee sort of backed away, it wasn't that she was afraid of Sam but since Sam has her new found powers, the force is strong with Sam. "I didn't mean to let it slip!"

"Still!" Sam didn't say anything more as the dwarves were piling into the hidden entrance. They would be lucky if Gandalf actually wasn't paying attention to them but that was such an unlikely scenario. The dwarves heard nothing so there was a relief but if Gandalf did...Damn...

When Fili, Kili, and Thorin finally jumped down to the entrance the sound of horns and horses was heard. Not that long after the sounds came, a dead orc fell down into their hiding spot.

Thorin angrily reached down an pulled out the arrow that was in the orc's head. "Elves." he spat out the name.

Dwalin poked his head around the bend of a narrow pathway, "I cannot see where pathway leads!" he called to everyone, "Do we follow it or not?"

Bofur nodded, "Follow it of course!" The company, due to how narrow the path was, were force to walk in a single file.

"I think that would be wise." Gandalf muttered softly, taking to the back of the whole company.

"You know," Zee mumbled to Sam, "I'm not claustrophobic but this is bugging me."

"I'm with you on that." Sam groaned a bit, she wasn't claustrophobic either but she was feeling a bit bothered by how narrow the walkway was.

The walk, which felt like it took an eternity to reach the end, stopped on stone steps leading to the most beautiful place anyone could ever see. The place had an aura of comfort and welcoming while still looking so untouchable.

"The Valley of Imraldis." Gandalf announced proudly, none of the dwarves seemed impressed like the girls and Bilbo. In fact, they were rather furious about being here. "In the common tongue, it's known by another name."

"Rivendell." Bilbo breathed.

"Here lies the last homely house east of the sea."

"Wow.." the girls followed Bilbo's awe and gazed upon the beautiful city.

Thorin, stomping toward Gandalf, held no awe nor interest, "So this was your plan all along?" he accused, "To seek refuge with our enemy."

Gandalf, annoyed with Thorin's accusation, gave the king a stern look. "You have no enemies here Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself."

Sam and Zee had to bite their tongues to keep from saying anything that would get them on Thorin's bad side.

"Do you think they will give our quest their blessing?" Thorin asked, "They will try to stop us."

"Of course they will." Gandalf agreed, "But we have questions that need to be answered."

Thorin actually thought about that, it seems that in his hate he didn't realize he would actually need the help of the elves.

"If we are to be successful this will need to handled with tack and respect." He told Thorin, "And no small degree of charm. Which is why you will leave the talking to me."

The girls shared a look, they were a bit offended but at the moment they were also a bit freaked out over whether or not Gandalf heard Zee's little slip.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Yay! we made it to Rivendell and Zee may have just totally ruined our whole lie! Isn't that totally grand? <strong>_


	7. Chapter 7

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 7: Party At Rivendell!**_

* * *

><p>The company approached the elvish city, the girls stared in total awe just like Bilbo while the rest just followed Gandalf grumpily. They were so immersed in their surroundings that they never noticed the anger of the dwarves. Apparently their awe was an insult to the dwarves.<p>

"They seem to like the elvish city." Dwalin told Fili.

Fili growled some response that regarded Sam in Khuzdul but he was cut off when an elf gracefully appeared at the stairway.

"Mithrandir." The elf gave him a bow and wave as he approached, he seemed so kind and helpful to the girls.

"Ah," Gandalf turned around and greeted the elf, "Lindir."

As Sam and Zee, while still taking in the city, heard Thorin tell Dwalin to stay sharp. The girls rolled their eyes, the elves of Rivendell were different from those of Greenwood so they didn't understand why they were being such jackasses about being here.

Lindir, upon reaching the last step, began to speak elvish, Zee, who took it upon herself to try to learn elvish back in their world, whispered a rough translation which was along the lines of the elves hearing about Gandalf crossing the valley.

"I must speak with Lord Elrond." Gandalf told Lindir.

"My Lord Elrond is not here." Lindir told Gandalf in the common tongue.

"Not here?" Gandalf asked, truly confused, "Where is he?"

Just then the horns sounded and horses driven by elves came along. Of course, none of the dwarves found this to comforting and prepared themselves for a fight. One that was not coming at all. The elves probably didn't make it better by circling them.

"Whoa!" Zee snapped when a horse nearly stomped her foot, "Watch it!"

"Forgive me dear lady." The elf rider apologize to Zee. "You're mortal girls among dwarves?"

"Uh yeah." Sam said as she stood beside Zee.

"I've never thought young girls would travel with dwarves." he said in some disgust.

"Why?" Jackie asked, "They're not bad, just funny and a bit goofy."

The elf looked at them rather funny but then Elrond came up to Thorin and welcomed him and the company to Rivendell. Thorin was rather rude about it however, earning a groan from Zee.

"Dude c'mon!" Zee groaned at Thorin, stomping toward the dwarf king, "We do not need you taking their kindness up the ass."

Sam blushed madly and Jackie giggled, Sam was going to kill Zee for that! Why did she have to say that!?

"ZEE!" Sam shrieked, "Seriously! Watch what you say!"

"When do I ever?" Zee asked, swiveling her head toward Sam and spoke in her prissy, blonde imitation. "They need to get use to me somehow."

"You're so not gonna live long enough for them to even need to." Sam growled at her, in a whisper she added, "And if you want to live to see Legolas you will shut up!"

"Fine!" Zee huffed and turned her head away.

"Who are these girls?" Lord Elrond asked, "They do not look like average daughters of men."

"I thought the same." Gandalf said, "However, it might be best to speak about it after they bathe and relax a bit."

Lord Elrond smiled and nodded, "Of course, Lindir?"

Lindir came to his lord's side, "Yes Lord Elrond?"

"Take the young ladies to the guest rooms, send Arwen to the tailor to fetch some dresses for them."

"Of course." Lindir bowed and gestured for the ladies to follow him.

Fili, however, refused to let Sam go. Grabbing her shoulder, Fili tried to stop her from going. "I do not trust these elves."

Sam sighed and pushed off his hand, "Oh, come off it." She continued to follow her friends and Lindir, never realizing that even Thorin glared at her as Fili looked visibly hurt.

Lindir dropped Sam and Jackie off at their rooms while he took to talking with Zee about her friends. Zee didn't seem to care about how curious he was but, at the same time, all she wanted was to go to her room.

"I noticed that the blond dwarf was rather attached to your tall friend." Lindir said as they continued to walk, their rooms were actually far apart rather than being close by to each other.

Zee shrugged, "Yeah, he says she's his soulmate but she's not really liking that so much."

"Do you mean it's one-sided?" Lindir asked.

"No," Zee shook her head, "I think she likes him too. Sam's always been the type to do what she wants, she hates having to do what anyone else wants and, subconsciously, that's probably how she views this."

"Oh?" He should have figured as much, out of the three Sam definitely seemed like the type to never want to do as told. That could also just be because she was fighting her emotions at the moment and that was how she unintentionally expressed it. "And what about you?"

"What about me?" Zee asked, how she just really wanted to get into her room.

"Do you share any interest in your dwarf companions?" He was asking a personal question even though the answer was obvious.

"No." She told him sternly, "Dwarves aren't my type, I like them only as friends."

"Really?" Lindir seemed to perk up a bit and Zee immediately caught onto what was going on.

"My heart belongs to another already though." She added quickly, "He and I already plan to marry after this whole adventure of ours."

"You are already betrothed?" His smiled faltered, "Who might this man be?"

"I can't say." Zee hurriedly said, "Our engagement is secret."

"Why?" he asked, the two of them finally stopped at Zee's room. "I would think it would be such joyous news."

"It was my decision to keep it secret." Zee said, "Now, thank you for bringing me here. See you whenever." Zee hurried into her room and didn't dare move away from the door until she was certain that Lindir left. She didn't ever think Lindir would really be like this, he always acted so priss and proper in the movie.

_I sure hope Legolas is still a badass hottie like he is in the movie. _Zee thought to herself as she immediately went looking for the bathroom.

* * *

><p>Sam, already immersed in the bath water, happily enjoy the hot water that also rid herself of dirt next to relaxing her stiff muscles.<p>

"Nothing like a hot bath to make ya feel great!" Sam stretched her hands above her head, "Man, I could get use to this place."

As Sam sat in her bath water, she contemplated how things were going so far. With a dwarf prince all in love with her and the fact they may have messed up in keeping their secret, so far it might not be all she would have imagined.

One thing that really bugged her was whether or not she cared for Fili, she didn't want to toy with the poor guy but she wasn't sure that she did feel something for him. _He's cute and charming, _Sam thought to herself, _but to be attracted to just that isn't fair to him._

Sam sighed, romantic relationships were not something she really knew past fairytales and whatnot. Not to mention that she knew just about nothing when it came to dwarvish traditions. She didn't want to court him out of fear that it might force her to be his bride but, at the same time, she did need to get to know him better to make a choice.

"Maybe I should talk to him," She mumbled, "maybe we can work something out."

Finally deciding that she needed to get out of the bath, Sam forced herself to leave the tub she sat in and, after drying herself, exited the bathing chamber to see a maroon colored elvish dress on the end of her bed. It had a matching corset, though it was a dark plum color, and flowed at the bottom. Sam could already see herself tripping in it.

"Wow.." Sam picked up the dress and was amazed that it was so soft to the touch. "This is different."

Sam had to admit that the elvish dress was actually rather nice and this was a girl who despised anything girly. It didn't exactly have sleeves more so it had two little draping pieces of fabric sort of like Lady Galadriel's dress and they were a darker plum color than the corset.

Amazingly, for someone who would never wear a dress unless she was either forced or had to wear one, Sam had no trouble putting the dress on. It wasn't all that bad to wear, just out of her element.

"This is gonna take some getting use to." Sam let out a small nervous chuckle as she checked herself in the mirror, the only real trouble she had was with her corset which she put on top of the dress instead of underneath. "Well, I better go find everyone else. Especially Fili."

Sam left her room, she did take a second to look for a landmark so that she could find her room again later, and hurried off to look for her friends first. If her memory served, dinner was going to be soon and she was starving. Surely her friends were too.

"Let's see..." Sam recalled what direction Lindir took her friends but, the longer she walked through the halls the more she realized she had not a damn clue where their rooms were. "Damn it! Why don't I ever think of this shit before?!"

Sam considered calling for her friends but felt it would be rude to the elves. So now she was left to wander aimlessly through the elvish halls like an idiot. She supposed things could be worse.

"I could stumble upon the dwarves bathing in a fountain." She sighed to herself. Of course, be it as it may, fate is a mischievous spirit and never passed up an opportunity to mess with Sam. When Sam rounded a corner she stopped dead in her tracks, in a rather large fountain that wasn't far but still not close was the dwarves, naked, bathing.

Sam's cheeks turned red and she, no matter how much she wanted to, could not look away out of sheer shock.

"The kitchen's under enormous strain." A voice said from behind her, "We're almost out of wine. How long will they stay?"

Sam hardly realized that Elrond and Lindir were walking up behind her, "That has yet to be decided-Oh miss?"

Sam didn't give Elrond any acknowledgment, her sights still stuck on the dwarves. Lord Elrond and Lindir, out of confusion, followed Sam's gaze and realized what she was staring at.

"You...FILTHY MONKEYS!" Sam screeched, her cheeks darkened even more, "What do you think you're doing!? People can see you!"

The dwarves stopped their tomfoolery and turned toward Sam, Lord Elrond, and Lindir. Seeing that she was absolutely furious and a bit embarrassed that a girl saw them, the dwarves hurriedly got out of the pool and rushed away to the bushes to put their clothes back on.

"Sorry Sam!" Bofur called out to the teenager, "Didn't think you'd come out here!"

Sam groaned and hurried away, she wasn't going to be able look at these dwarves the same ever again!

* * *

><p>The girls, after Sam's huge episode with the naked dwarves, finally were reunited thanks to the help of a kind elf maiden. The elf maid also was kind enough to lead them to where their dinner would be.<p>

"Wow, this place is pretty." Jackie said as she and Sam started to take a seat at the far end of the table while Zee was one seat to Sam's right.

"Just wait till the dwarves come." Zee laughed, "They're gonna tear this place apart!"

Sam merely grunted as her response, the image of the naked dwarves were forever stuck in her mind. She never dared to tell her friends about what she saw, Zee would probably never let her live it down.

"By the way," Jackie said as she picked up a piece of Sam's dress, "You're dress is pretty."

"You think so?" Sam asked as she nervously did a turn in the dress, "I feel weird in it."

"Well you never wear dresses." Zee said as she examined the dress, "But it is cute."

"Your's suits you." Jackie told Zee, "You did say you liked the color blue."

Zee looked down at her dress, it was a light blue dress with baby blue trimmings and a dark blue trimmed stash loosely tied on her waist. She had sleeves on her dress, though they were short, and the dress flowed much like Sam's. "If I could only not trip in the damn thing."

"You and gravity will never learn to coexist peacefully Zee." Sam said with a shake of her head, "But Jackie's right, it looks good on you."

"Jackie's cute too." Zee said, pointing at Jackie's orange dress. Her dress was more of a red orange,no sleeves, with a light yellow orange corset and trimmings. Like Sam, Jackie wore the corset over her dress.

"You think so?" Jackie asked, "I thought it was a bit bright."

Sam shrugged, taking a seat finally, "You like to were bright and dark colors at the same time, that's probably why."

"Well look who's here already!" Bofur happily chirped as he and the other dwarves and Bilbo entered the room. "Good evening!"

"Hey." Zee waved to them, "Your hair looks wet, did you guys bathe?"

"Of course!" Dwalin huffed, he seemed offended by the question, "Dwarves do bathe."

"Uh yeah." Sam mumbled to herself, she would have insisted that Zee sit next to her but Bifur had taken that corner seat instead.

"So," Balin asked, "how are you lasses taking to the elvish city?"

"It's pretty." Jackie said as she glanced around the room, "It's pretty relaxing compared to what we've been through."

"I suppose." Fili mumbled lowly, he had still not gotten over Sam seeing them naked and when she brushed him off earlier. "I find it too superficial for my taste."

"We're only gonna be here for a bit." Zee said with a wave of her hand, "Pretty soon we'll be on our way again so just chill while you can."

Just then the food started to arrive and Thorin, Elrond, and Gandalf finally came, taking a seat at a round table that was separate from their table.

"Hey!" Zee pointed at the special people table, "No fair, they got their own table?!"

"Of course." Balin told her, "They are more important than us."

"Well pardon me for think we were all equal on this trip." Zee grumbled to herself so that no one but her friends and Bifur heard her.

When their dinner was set before them, the girls immediately started eating the salad while the dwarves barely would even poke the food.

"Where's the meat?" Dwalin complained as he picked up a leaf and angrily set it back down.

"What's wrong with salad?" Jackie asked innocently, "It's good for you."

Ori and Dori were arguing with each other about the food too, Dori trying to get his brother to eat the greens even though he himself wouldn't touch it.

"Just try it." Dori urged his little brother.

Ori shook his head in disgust, "I don't like green food."

Zee rolled her eyes and took a bite of her salad, "Just eat it!"

Oin, who had grown tired of the elf who played the flute right above his head, took his ear trumpet and stuffed one of the gold napkins into it. When he put his trumpet in his ear he grinned happily as he found a way to block the flute's sound.

"Have they got any chips?" Ori asked innocently, looking around the table for chips.

The girls only sighed and continued to eat their salads, paying the dwarves little to no attention. True, the salad was bland and the girls were use to tasty foods but they were starving. Their bellies needed food that wasn't mainly water based.

While Sam and Nori exchanged in some small talk Zee looked around the room aimlessly, spotting that all the dwarves had a strange, dark drink in their cups.

_What are they drinking?_ Zee noticed that Bofur's cup was filled to the brim so, not even caring if she looked rude, she stole his cup and took a sip. It was some sort of fruity concoction and she loved it. _Holy shit! This tastes fabulous!_ She finished the whole cup rather quickly and scanned near by for more.

Dwalin, seeing that Zee was eyeballing his cup, moved it out of her grasp so she snatched Balin's instead. "You know lass, you might want to slow down."

"I'm fine." Zee ignored Dwalin's concern and took a swing of Balin's cup, "It's just juice."

Dwalin shook his head, "It's not-"

"You know, good sir," Zee interrupted Dwalin, "I'm fffinnneee." she slurred at the end of her sentence.

Bifur, out of concern for Zee, started tapping on Sam's shoulder and pointed at Zee while speaking in Khuzdul. Sam, not having a clue of what he was trying to tell her, merely glance at him confusingly.

"I think I'll have another!" Zee hiccuped and called for Lindir, "Lindir darling, can you bring me more juice?"

Suddenly everyone stopped talking, even the musicians stopped playing, and all eyes were on Zee.

"What?" Zee asked innocently.

"Zee." Sam asked worriedly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm doing mighty fine Sammy!" Zee grinned drunkenly, making her eyes squint to the point Sam wondered if Zee could even see. "Hey Sam."

"Yeah Zee?"

"Who you gonna call?" Zee asked rather seriously, leaning forward toward Sam. "Ghostbusters!"

Sam gasped and turned toward Jackie, "Tell me she's not drunk Jackie."

Zee suddenly stood from her seat and, with one foot on the table and her chest puffed out, said, "I am Iron Man!"

"That's a yes." Jackie said with her hands over her mouth.

To make matters worse, it seems Gandalf was correct about Sam not being the only one with powers as Zee magically disappeared and reappeared next to Oin.

"Buzz Lightyear to Space Command!" She called into the dwarf's stuffed trumpet, "Come in Space Command!"

Sam covered her mouth in shock as she gasped, she wasn't sure if she should laugh or stop Zee. She did find it funny but since Zee's last embarrassing episode she wasn't sure Zee would appreciate the humiliation.

Zee disappeared again and then appeared next to Thorin. She looked down at him and asked, "Why so serious?"

The dwarves roared in laughter then, it appeared that anything involving Zee and Thorin was particularly funny to them.

Zee disappeared again but this time when she reappeared she had Lindir's form and was next to the elf who played the harp. Swiveling her hips, Zee sung, "Bazinga!"

The dwarves really started to laugh at her now while the elves were horrified by Zee's drunken episode. Poor Lindir was absolutely mortified by Zee's dance and Elrond simply had not clue what to do. That has to be rare for an elf.

Sam immediately tried to grab Zee, "Zenin!" Sam never called Zee by her real name unless the girl did something terribly horrible. Zee looked Sam dead in the eye and disappeared again.

"You'll never catch me alive coppers!" She reappeared next to Kili and hugged him tightly, "Kemosabe!" she disappeared again, singing the Indiana Jones theme song. "Dundadaduh! Dundada!" She then switched to the Star Wars theme song, "Dun dun dun dada duh Dun dun dada duh!"

"Oh lord." Sam groaned, face palming herself, "She can't make this anymore embarrassing."

Zee reappeared on the small table that the important three sat at and took a cup filled with the drink she had liked. She threw the juice, without meaning to, all over Gandalf, Lord Elrond, and Thorin. When she tried to take a swig she realized all her juice was gone. "Why is the rum always gone?!" she looked down and saw the red stains on the trio, "Oh, that's why."

"She found a way." Jackie told Sam, she was giggling until she saw that, "You know we can't stop her."

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose, the dwarves were already riled up and singing so at this point the only ones not in trouble were Sam, Jackie, Balin, and Bilbo. "We've only just got here."

"What should we do?" Jackie asked.

Just then Kili threw some mashed potatoes at the statue Lindir was standing next to so Zee decided to poof herself over there, "You are one ugly motherfucker!" she told the statue, looking at its chest she saw the splatter of potatoes, "Oh! Mashed potatoes!" she swiped some off with her finger and happily ate it.

The elves watched in horror as Zee swiped off the food and even Gandalf looked embarrassed by the whole episode. Considering these elves were his friends and respected the wizard, Gandalf had every right to be humiliated.

Sam gagged there, "If we could leave I so fucking would." She nearly threw up because of that, "I don't think I will ever be able to look these elves in the eyes again."

"Ditto." Jackie sort of groaned in disgust there, who knows what has touched that statue before this.

Zee went to Bombur next, "Uh oh, somebody's _FABULOUS_!" she and the dwarves started to laugh incredibly hard, so hard the Zee's tan cheeks turn red.

"Well," Jackie offered when Sam covered her eyes with her hands and let out a loud sigh, "at least she didn't kiss him."

"I guess.." Sam groaned, she let her head fall a bit so her hands ended up pushing back her bangs. "When will she stop..?

Then Zee hopped onto the table and started fist pumping, "Baby I like it!" She started singing the Jersey Shore theme song and soon the dwarves were copying her fist pump.

"Oh come on!" Sam gave up there, she was going to let Zee wallow in her own humiliation. "Is there one thing she won't do while drunk?!"

"Past being civil?" Jackie laughed, "Nope."

Zee suddenly appeared before her friends and, with the Spock hand gesture, said loud and proud, "Live long and prosper!" She fell back on the table, passing out.

"Did she pass out?" Bofur asked, "She sure went out quickly."

Just then her head shot up with one arm and leg in the air, "Yippee kay-yay motherfuckers!" then she passed out for good.

"She's out now." Sam sighed, "Help me take her to her room Jackie, please?"

Jackie nodded and helped Sam drag Zee out of there and to the halls where their rooms were. "You do realize only Zee knows where her room is, right?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded, "I figured we should have her room with me tonight so that way she's not losing her mind in the morning."

"What was it she drank?" Jackie asked curiously.

"Elvish wine." Sam explained softly, "It's stronger than ale which is why she freaked out so quickly."

"And passed out just as fast." Jackie sighed, "She's gonna have such a headache tomorrow."

"As am I." Sam groaned, "Twice I had to put with her doing or saying something goofy, I hope Thorin's not flaming furious."

"He did smiled a bit." Jackie offered, "Maybe he found it slightly amusing."

"Hopefully." Sam sighed, "Otherwise Zee has a major ass chewing tomorrow."

They both laughed there and managed to make Zee a makeshift bed on a couch that was in Sam's room. As they made sure Zee was going to wake up without a kink in her neck, Fili appeared at Sam's door.

"Sam?" Fili asked a bit nervously, "May I speak with you?"

Sam turned towards Jackie and received a nod from her friend, "Go ahead, I'll deal with the drunk."

"Okay." Sam left her room and closed the door behind her, "So what's up?"

"I wanted to talk about something...personal." he had a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Personal?" Sam asked, "Oh, is it about that whole thing Kili was worried over."

"W-What thing?" Fili blushed even more.

"Something to do with a relationship between us." Sam shrugged, "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that."

"I don't know why Kili would talk to you about something like that!" Fili stated defensively, "It's not-"

"Before you freak out let me tell you one thing." Sam interrupted, "I know what Azyung means."

Fili immediately backed away, "What do you mean you know? Khuzdul is a secret-"

"Secret language and dwarves do not share it with anyone, yeah, yeah I know." Sam sighed, "Look Fili, there's something I was never truthful about and I think you need to know."

Fili sighed and looked down the halls, "Want to take a stroll?"

Sam smiled and nodded, "Sure, if it's not a hassle."

Fili smiled back and they both started to walk through the hall together. "So, what is it you've been hiding?"

"Everything." Sam sighed, for some reason she just felt the need to tell Fili the truth. "We don't come from an isolated country, we come from a whole other world where none of this even exists."

"Another world?" Fili laughed, "And what can you do to prove this?"

"In my world," Sam knew this was too stupid, even Zee wasn't this dumb. "this whole journey is just a fairytale and I do mean this journey."

"What do you mean?"

"There is a book," Sam looked him dead in the eye, "it's called_ The Hobbit_ and it tells the story of a Bilbo Baggins who goes on an adventure of a lifetime with thirteen dwarves including the heir of Erebor, Thorin Oakenshield and his only two nephews Fili and Kili, sons of Thorin's only sister and last surviving sibling Dis."

Fili's eyes widened, Fili nor Kili ever told Sam about their mother nor did they or anyone tell her that Thorin had more than one sibling.

"Not only that but Dis is his youngest sibling and his second sibling is Frerin who died long ago by now." Sam waited for Fili to speak after that, surely he would be convinced now.

"There isn't any way you could know that." Fili whispered, "You have my faith then Sam, I believe you."

Sam gave him a small smile, "We would have said something but if you knew then the whole future will change and that will make things rather difficult if not entirely bad."

Fili nodded, "I understand, I suppose that explains what Gandalf meant by you three being here to serve a purpose to us."

"Is that how he convinced Thorin to let us come along?" Sam giggled, "But I agree, we must have came for a reason and at the moment, we have an idea so far."

Fili would have asked what their purpose was but if what she said was true, he was better off not knowing. "I swear to not tell anyone else, I will leave that to you."

"Thanks." Sam was gonna have quite the ass chewing herself when Zee found out about this, "And don't let Jackie and Zee find out, I won't live to see the next evening if Zee found out."

Fili gave her a nod, "I swear."

"So," Sam stopped in front of Fili, she leaned forward with her hands behind her back, "what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I suppose Kili already told you..."

"Oh that?" Sam asked, "The whole I'm your One and something about Thorin possibly not approving because I'm a human girl."

"So he did tell you everything." Fili sighed, "I know he only meant the best for me but-"

"Don't blame him." Sam told Fili, "Besides, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be able to ever face you again."

"Really?" Fili asked.

"It was embarrassing for me." Sam explained, "I never thought someone would ever love me like that, especially so quickly. It kinda took Kili's horrible way with words to help me sort of cope with the idea."

Fili laughed a bit there, "Then I should thank him for that."

"But," Sam shifted her weight onto her left foot, "since I'm from a world that approaches these things differently maybe we could come to a compromise."

"A compromise?" He was confused there, "Why a compromise?"

"Where I'm from we don't exactly have Ones." Sam tried to explain, "We do a thing called dating, we test the waters before attempting to commit to someone and I'm also a bit afraid of commitment."

"I see." Fili mused, "So then we should court, because, honestly, no matter what happens you are my One and I your's."

"Figured as much."

Fili smiled a bit, "I will have to talk to Thorin about this. It isn't unheard of for dwarves to marry outside their race but for royalty it is."

Sam nodded, "Again, figured."

"But there one thing I did need to make clear with you." He lifted her chin with his index finger, "Thorin and I were both insulted when you refused to stay with us earlier."

"Insulted?" Sam thought about when she brushed Fili off when Elrond offered them their own rooms, "You have to be kidding me."

Fili shook his head, "You know, as you already proven, that Elves and Dwarves do not get along and that was an insult to us both when you did that."

"So I can't be civil with elves who so kindly allowed us to stay here for a time being?" Sam asked, "Because where I'm from, which means I was raised with different values and ideals, you show your hosts respect even if you don't like them or their rules."

"Still," Fili told her, "Thorin doesn't like elves and that's why he doesn't bother disciplining us over our ruckus."

"Well sorry if my morals are different than your's." Sam sighed, "But c'mon, someone has to show them a little respect for their kindness."

Fili sighed as well, "I suppose."

"Either way," Sam yawned, "I'm tired and I got a drunk rooming with me so I think I'm going to go to bed."

Fili gave her a smile, "Then let me walk you back at least." He extended his arm out to her and, even though she found it a bit cliché, Sam took his offer.

* * *

><p>Zee woke up the next morning with blood shot eyes, drool smeared all over her left cheek, a throbbing headache, and last night's dinner and wine on her dress.<p>

"The fuck happen?" Zee groaned, when she stretched her back made three loud pops "This ain't my room."

"Hey there doofus." Sam waved to Zee and spoke softly, "You okay?"

"No." Zee glared at Sam, "Where am I?"

"You're in my room." Sam sighed, bringing over a weird drink she asked the elves to make for Zee, "Drink this."

Zee sniffed it and cringed, "What is it? It smells yucky."

Sam rolled her eyes, "It's gonna help your headache go away so drink it." she handed it to Zee but Zee refused to take it. "Zee, one way or another, you are taking this."

"I don't wanna!" she moaned, making her headache worse, "Ow!"

"Just drink it!" Sam snapped, "Or I will burn off you hair!"

"Fine!" she huffed, Zee took the drink with a scowl and forced it down. It tasted awful but it worked pretty quickly as her headache gradually dissipated. "That was yucky!"

Sam rolled her eyes again, "Well next time don't drink the elvish wine you dork."

"Elvish wine?" Zee struggled to remember when she could have done such a thing, "What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember the juice you drank?" Sam asked, totally deadpanned.

"Yeah..." Zee thought about it now, she remembered up to when she drank Bofur's cup. "That wasn't juice huh?"

"No, it wasn't Zee." Sam nodded, "And thank you for another night of embarrassment."

"Why?" Zee hesitantly asked, "What happened?"

"Oh nothing." Sam played it off sweetly before quoting, "Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!"

Zee looked at Sam and then at herself a bit, "Did I say that?"

"Oh? You don't believe me?" Sam asked, continuing to mock Zee. "Why is the rum always gone?! Oh, that's why!"

"Er..." Zee nibbled on her lip, "I was a throwing movie quotes out wasn't I?"

"You also ate mashed potatoes off of a statue's boob." Sam added, "From now on, no more wine for you."

"I wha..." Zee looked utterly disgusted with herself, "I lowered myself to the manners of a dwarf!"

"I don't recall any dwarves eating off statues' chest area, only you."

"Even worse!" Zee whined loudly, she actually sounded like she was crying."This sucks!"

Sam shook her head and laughed a bit, "I forgot to mention that you also sung I Like It and taught the dwarves to fist pump."

Zee stopped her whining and sneered, "I what?"

"You heard me right Zee." Sam smiled innocently, "You taught the dwarves to fist pump."

"How mad is Thorin?" Zee asked quietly, "And should I even leave this room until we leave?"

"I don't know about Thorin but the elves were a bit horrified, Lindir especially." Sam chuckled, "Oh yeah I forgot about that too."

"Forgot what?"

Sam grinned, leaning forward with her hands behind her back, "You have powers too, not sure what exactly but you were teleporting around and took Lindir's appearance."

"Huh?!" Zee shot off of Sam's little couch, "I what?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded, "You took Lindir's appearance and did this." Sam mimicked Zee's swiveling of the hips, "Bazinga!

"No I didn't!" Zee turned tomato red, "Omigod, can this day get any worse?"

"I said that last night and look what happened," Sam said, plopping a seat next to Zee, "You have to see the elves though, I was informed so not to long ago."

"Why?" Zee asked, "By the way, I'm hungry."

"I think it has to do with your over-consumption of their wine and they promised to send breakfast here for me and you soon."

Zee nodded and groaned, "Sixteen and already gave myself the ultimate humiliation."

"At least you didn't get to hug the porcelain god!" Sam laughed while Zee muttered bad words at her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hello my fabulous people! So I happily noticed that this month, this story ranked number one of all my stories and I so happily thank you! So here's a drunk scene for ya! Enjoy!<strong>_


	8. Chapter 8

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 8: Meet Arwen**_

* * *

><p>After Zee's little fit, Sam and Jackie left her in the care of an elf healer. They were warned that Elvish wine wasn't particularly good for mortals like them so it was highly recommended that they give her a quick check up.<p>

"Their gardens are so beautiful," Jackie said as she observed some of the flowers, "I don't think I've seen flowers this colorful before."

"No kidding." Sam agreed, "I'm starting to get a headache from looking at them too long."

Jackie laughed and the duo decided to take a seat on a marble bench. Where they sat they were in perfect view of the halls so if anyone was looking form them, they could be found.

"I kinda miss home." Sam said suddenly, "I miss my family."

"I do too." Jackie agreed, "Although I think mine's more of my home's a familiar place."

"Yeah huh?" Sam laughed a bit, "Your mom and dad must freaking out because you're not there for them."

Jackie shrugged, she'd prefer not to talk about that. "Do you think Zee misses her mom?"

"More than likely." Sam sighed, leaning back a bit, "She sure as hell don't miss Ica or her brother though."

Jackie laughed, "That's a given."

Sam and Jackie both laughed at their memories of how Zee would complain about her older brother and his girlfriend. It was sometimes sad to hear how utterly whipped her brother was but mostly, it was the best entertainment second to Sam's family adventures.

"Oh!" Bilbo's head popped up around a corner, "Sam, Jackie."

"Hi Bilbo!" They both smiled and waved at the hobbit.

"Exploring huh?" Sam asked, she knew Bilbo was always fascinated with elves since he was a wee lad.

Bilbo nodded, "I love it, it's more beautiful than the Shire."

"It is really pretty." Jackie agreed, "And peaceful."

Before Bilbo could agree with Jackie, they heard a rather loud shriek a distance away. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! YOU'RE SKINNY DIPPING IN A FUCKING FOUNTAIN?! WHERE ANYONE CAN SEE YOU?!" They heard Zee scream again, presumably because the dwarves probably turned around and she saw more than she ever needed to see. "COVER YOUR PRIVATES YOU PIGS!"

"Was peaceful Jackie." Sam giggled, "Was, past tense."

"At least I'm not the only one scarred by that." Bilbo blushed, "I saw Thor-them last night."

Sam, catching Bilbo's little slip, laughed, "I caught them yesterday, so did Lord Elrond and Lindir." Sam turned to Jackie and nudged her arm, "Go make sure Zee doesn't tried to find a way to unsee that, we don't need another episode so soon."

"You staying?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to Bilbo anyways."

Jackie nodded and waved at them both before heading off to find Zee. It might not be too hard of a task but with Zee, one can't be too sure.

"So Bilbo," Sam smiled at him, "You saw Thorin naked last night?"

Bilbo immediately blushed, "I-I never-"

"Yes you did." Sam pointed on cheekily, "You said, and I quote, _I saw Thor-them last night_."

Bilbo's blush intensified even more, "I-I.."

"Dude relax." Sam laughed, "I support the rainbow side of life too." Sam always created happy or silly names for anything.

"The what?" Bilbo asked, Sam had totally forgotten that the sweet hobbit didn't know her street talk yet.

"Sorry." Sam laughed, "The rainbow side of life, that's what I call people who are interested in their own sex. You know, guy on guy or girl on girl."

"O-Oh." he lowered his head a bit.

"So then," Sam bent down a bit so she could be at Bilbo's eye level, "I'm assuming you're either into guys or Bisexual."

"Or what?"

Sam sighed, "Bisexual, it means you like both sexes."

"W-Well I-I.." Bilbo stuttered nervously, he looked around to see if anyone, namely Fili or Kili were around. "I-I don't think this is something to discuss out in public."

"Why?" Sam asked, she was so use to people being open about their sexuality that it made Bilbo's shyness a bit strange to her. "Oh! Do Hobbits not talk about this openly?"

"W-Well w-we do but-"

"Oh I get it!" Sam slapped her forehead, "You don't think Thorin would appreciate it huh?"

Bilbo's blushed intensified again, this time he put his head down and turned away, The poor hobbit looked so flustered and afraid.

"You told me you liked Jackie." Sam recalled, "Did you change to Thorin now? Is that why you're afraid to tell me?"

Bilbo said nothing, only nodded his head. Sam understood now, he was afraid she would be mad because he lost his affection for her friend.

"Oh you silly little hobbit." Sam giggled, "It's not like you and her were a thing and actually, I know all three of us approve your new interest."

"Really?" He raised his head a bit and smiled, "I suppose that's one relief."

"One?" Sam asked, "What do you mean?"

Bilbo turned his head away from her a bit and sighed, "I mean, what would Thorin want with a weak, little male hobbit."

"Bilbo..?"

"I can't fight, I don't know how to survive in the wild, I'm useless..."

"Bilbo don't say that." Sam said, pulling the hobbit into a hug, "You're not useless, you just need time to figure out your skill set. Trust me."

"I don't think Thorin would agree." Bilbo sounded so sad and heartbroken. "Not to mention Dwarves have Ones."

"Don't Hobbits have their own version of a soulmate?" Sam asked curiously.

"Of course." Bilbo nodded, "But I don't think even if I was Thorin's One would he want me."

"That's totally not true!" Sam argued, "A dwarf can't live without his One, if you were his One he would need you more than any of us."

"But that would be if I _was_ his One." Bilbo reminded Sam, "And as far as we know, I'm not."

Sam let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, then she got an idea. "I could look into it if you want."

"W-What?" Bilbo's head abruptly shot up, "S-Sam I don't think that's-"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone anything Bilbo." Sam quickly told the hobbit, _aside from Zee because she'll totally kill me if I don't. _"I'm just going to casually ask Fili about Thorin's personality and whatnot, I'm not gonna mention your fancy of him."

"B-But!"

"Don't you wanna know?" Sam asked Bilbo sweetly, "C'mon, at least let me try. Please?"

Bilbo seemed conflicted with the idea but at the same time he was curious. Sam knew that she had to play his curiosity, mess with his Took side, to get what she wanted. "I-I suppose it would be nice to know..."

"I swear to not tell anyone!" Sam promised, "I'll fill you in on everything I find out."

"J-Just don't mention me please." Bilbo pleaded with her, "I won't be able to face the dwarves again."

"I swear." Sam grinned, crossing her heart. "Maybe I should leave you alone now, I probably tormented you enough for a day huh?"

Bilbo gave her a nervous chuckle, "I think so."

"Well then," Sam stood up and saluted Bilbo, "I'm off!"

* * *

><p>Sam happily wander the elvish halls, searching for Fili and Kili so she could begin her digging. She knew none of the dwarves would be at the fountain, especially after Zee's screaming, so she tried the kitchen and training grounds.<p>

"How is it," Sam mumbled irritably to herself, "when I don't need a dwarf they're always around but when I do need one I can't fucking find one?!"

"Oh!" A voice said from behind Sam, "You're one of the dwarves' mortal companions are you not?"

"Eek!" Sam jumped and hastily turned around to see who the voice belonged to. "Oh jeez!"

Standing behind Sam was a lady elf with long, dark brown hair wearing a cream colored dress that was designed just like Zee's blue dress but with longer sleeves.

"Forgive me," The elf smiled a bit at Sam, "I did not mean to startle you."

"It's okay." Sam nervously laughed, embarrassed for getting scared so easily, "I really wasn't expecting anyone to show up like that."

The elf nodded, "I happened to see you walking around and searching for your friends, for a moment I thought you were exploring like the hobbit."

"I would," Sam admitted, "but I wanted to see my friends again. Guess they don't want to see me."

"I believe after the other girl screamed at them they took to hiding from her." The elf told Sam, "I believe you passed a few dwarves without meaning to."

"I what?" Sam sighed, she threw up her hands in frustration. "Okay, I'm not wasting my time on them anymore."

The elf laughed at Sam, "You are a strange one, but you should be careful about how you project your emotions."

"Huh?"

The elf lifted Sam's hand and said, "I feel your powers of fire and ice and the manipulation of elements tends to be more unpredictable than other magic."

"Oh.." Sam forgot about that, "That's another thing I need to do, I need figure out how to use this."

"I'm sure my father could find you a suitable tutor." The elf suggested, "After all, dwarves don't exactly specialize in magical powers."

Sam was confused there, "Can they not possess these types of powers?"

"I don't know." She admitted, "However, I have never heard of it."

Sam nodded her head, "I'll take that, by the way what's your name?"

"Oh!" The elf gasped, "Forgive me, my name is Arwen. Daughter of Lord Elrond."

Sam immediately blushed, "Uh, you're Elrond's daughter?" Sam was only in love with the Hobbit, Lord Of The Rings never totally caught her attention so she didn't recognize Arwen.

"I am." she nodded, "I am not fully trained to fight yet, my father does not truly approve of my learning, so we must find you a mentor."

Sam agreed with Arwen, still feeling intimidated by the royal elf. "My friends need training too, Gandalf said we all had gifts."

"Ah yes, I heard about that." Arwen chuckled while Sam blushed, Sam was surprised the elves would even discuss the events of the previous night. "Come, I will take you to my father and you can discuss training the three of you."

Sam happily followed Arwen, the dwarves, namely Thorin and Fili, were going to be angry with her but they had to admit that she and the girls would greatly need their help. The dwarves would not be able to teach the girls and Gandalf was gonna be in and out the rest of the time, what would be a better opportunity?

"If you don't mind my asking," Arwen asked out of nowhere, "I was wondering what three mortal girls were doing traveling with thirteen dwarves and a small hobbit."

"Well," Sam chewed her lip, "it's a complicated story but Gandalf convinced Thorin to let Zee and Jackie join his company."

"And you?" Arwen asked.

"Thorin found me before he came to Bilbo's house so he had already planned to take me with him." Sam explained, "He probably planned to have me replace Bilbo if Bilbo hadn't come along."

"I see." Arwen mused a minute then asked, "You're the one who is the young blond dwarf prince's consort aren't you?"

Sam immediately blushed, "I-I-We're actually courting right now."

"Courting?" Arwen asked softly, "But don't dwarves marry once they find their Ones?"

"Y-You know that?" Sam asked, dwarf traditions were secret because dwarves did not trust easily.

Arwen nodded, "That's one thing that's not all that secret, beside not all dwarves hate elves."

Sam was taken by surprised, "Really?" She thought they all hated elves, actually now that she thought about it Kili was the only one not totally bother by the elves. She recalled that Kili was suppose to fall in love with Tauriel.

"Well like you and the prince, dwarves' Ones are not always other dwarves." Arwen explained, "Some elves were the Ones of dwarves."

"Really?" Sam asked with a small giggle, "I wouldn't have thought."

"Neither would I but it has happened." Arwen smiled, "But you didn't answer my question."

"Ah, well you see," Sam blushed again, "I asked that we court because I didn't feel comfortable with just getting married when I only just met him a few weeks ago."

"I understand." Arwen smiled kindly.

* * *

><p>Zee was chilling on her bed in her room when a loud knock came from her door, when she opened the door, thinking it was one of her friends, she found Fili instead.<p>

"Fili?" Zee asked, confused as to why the blond dwarf would be knocking at her door, "Whatcha want?"

Fili seemed a bit nervous and embarrassed, "I hate to admit this but I may need assistance with Sam."

"Assistance?"

Fili took in a deep breath, "Sam and I decided to court as she felt it was best, I don't know how your people court."

Zee, still confused but just rolling with it, stepped aside, "Come into my office dear boy." She extended her hand toward her room and bowed, which annoyed Fili just a bit.

Fili entered the room and sat in a chair that was next to a large vanity while Zee plopped herself onto the queen sized bed. He found that he was partially regretting coming to Zee for help but she was the only person who truly knew Sam since they were 'best friends' as they put it.

"So what are dwarf courting traditions?" Zee asked curiously, "I know all that's secret but it might help me out with this."

"Well," Fili didn't want to really tell Zee since it would go against their laws but she knew dwarves didn't share these things so he hoped she wouldn't tell anyone. "we don't exactly court, we leave a sign on each other to show that we are getting ready for marriage since marriages are rare."

"Okay." Zee nodded, "What's the sign?"

"A braid in our hair with the clasp of our clan." Fili reached into his pocket and showed Zee the clasp he was saving for Sam.

"Mhm." Zee hummed, "Okay, what you can do, because I truly doubt that's gonna hold up during our whole journey, is spend time with her while we're here and maybe while we're on the road if you can."

"What?" Fili asked, "How might that help?"

"You'll get to know her better," Zee told him, she gave him a look that said he was an idiot, "that's one thing she probably freaked out over was that you two had just met and now wedding bells are ringing."

"Wedding bells?" Fili didn't understand her one bit.

"It's a metaphor." Zee sighed, "Either way, I'm sure that's what she wants."

"But I don't know how to really-"

"Just. Talk. To. Her!" Zee spoke slowly to him, she felt like she was having to baby the guy. "Just. Do. It."

Fili felt like he was being scolded, thankfully not by his mother though it sorta felt like it. "About what? I know nothing about your lifestyles."

"Asked her about her family." Zee offered, "She has some funny stories to tell there and maybe tell her about your life, that's a surefire way to get somewhere."

"About my life? As in my childhood?" Fili wasn't too sure that was as great of an idea as she made it sound but it couldn't be too bad, "I suppose but will that really be all I need to do?"

Zee thought about that, Sam wasn't going to like a gift at the current time since she'll probably lose it. "Well, give her the braid once you guys get closer but that's all you can do until we conquer Erebor."

"I see..." Fili sighed, "Is that really what your people do?"

"Eh," Zee shrugged, "we don't court, we date and then get engaged."

"Date?" Fili asked, Sam had mentioned that last night when she explained.

"It's kind of like courting." Zee explained, "But it's like testing the waters with someone, see if they are the one you want to commit yourself to and then you get engaged if you want to be with that person."

"I see." Fili didn't know about the engagement part and it sounded awfully intriguing to him. "How would people get engaged?"

"Usually the guy would buy his girlfriend a wedding ring, which is just a a gold ring with diamonds on it, and he will do something special for her then he gets down on one knee and asks, 'Will you marry me?'."

Fili took that into consideration, "By special?"

"Um," Zee thought about that, "taking her to dinner is a usual way but since Sam is Sam and she's very shy something more family related. Like a small party or something."

"I see." Fili carefully filed away his mental notes of Zee's little lesson and stood up from his seat. "I must ask that you not inform Sam about this, or anyone, asking for advice or help isn't something that dwarves do."

Zee smiled and nodded, "Okay fine but it is gonna cost ya."

"Cost me?" Fili didn't understand, "And what would this price be?"

Zee thought about that for a good long minute before smugly stating, "I want to have full participation in the wedding and also, I was promised by Sam that I could name her first son."

"What?!" Fili was a bit outraged, "Why was that arrangement made and when?"

"We agreed on that a long time ago and she also figured she wouldn't mind letting me have that honor." Zee grinned, "Don't worry, I won't give him a stupid name."

Fili groaned and rolled his eyes, "I feel you will be the death of me yet." He took his leave but not before adding, "And now I understand why Kili was saying that you were giving him grey hairs."

"Hey!" Zee wasn't offended by the comment until she realized what he was implying, "I am so not annoying!"

"Sure you're not." Fili rolled his eyes at her statement.

"Hey," Zee huffed, pointing a finger at him, "I'm going to be your sister-in-law one day, check yourself before you wreck yourself _senor_."

Fili shook his head and left the room, Zee promised herself she wouldn't forget that comment. She would save that for blackmailing purposes later.

Just as she was about to settle down again, another knock came from her door. "Who might this be now?" she groaned as she pushed herself off her bed.

The door opened without Zee's help, revealing Sam and Arwen in her door way.

"Hey Zee!" Sam grinned, "Guess what missy, we got training to do!"

"Huh?!" Zee groaned, "Why?"

"You need to master you gifts as soon as possible." Arwen smiled at Zee, Zee had to rub her eyes for a minute then saw that she wasn't imagining the elf.

"You're Princess Arwen..." Zee said out loud.

"Yes." Arwen gave Zenin a funny look, "But how do you know that?"

"Uh..." Zee stalled, "I overheard some-your-uh-Lindir mentioned you. Uh, yeah." Zee awkwardly looked around with wide eyes.

Sam sighed and shook her head, "C'mon Zee, we got a lot of work to do and we're only gonna be here a week."

"A week?" Zee asked as she hurried over to the duo, "How do you know that."

"It'll be a week until my father can read that map the dwarves brought." Arwen answered for Sam, "And also, the sooner the better."

Zee sighed, "Can't argue with that."

Sam rolled her eyes and, when Arwen wasn't looking, bumped Zee's shoulder. "Seriously Zee? Seriously?"

"Oh whatever!" Zee shook her head, "And I'm still hungover okay?"

"You're the girl who over-consumed our wine!" Arwen laughed, "I heard about you."

Zee blushed and glared at Sam, "You told her?!"

Sam laughed and shook her head, "No, the elves gossiped about you and that's how she found out." Sam continued to walk, both leaving Zee behind a little bit.

"Oh come on!" Zee kicked the ground and hurried after Sam and Arwen to wherever they were going now. "Can't I get a damn break!"

"Of course not!" Sam called back to Zee, "And I doubt that will ever happen."

"Gah!" Zee groaned, following her friend, "My life sucks!"

Arwen, truly amused with the girls, laughed at them both, "You both are strange girls, no wonder the other elves were horrified with your behavior."

"I made myself a great reputation here didn't I?" Zee sarcastically asked herself.

* * *

><p><em><strong>So we are gonna get training! Yay! Hopefully nothing bad happens of any sort.<strong>_


	9. Chapter 9

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

**_Chapter 9: Killer Zee & Lindir's Infatuation_**

* * *

><p>After the girls were rounded up Arwen happily led the girls to the elvish training ground to meet an elvish warrior who Elrond enlisted in helping the girls. Zee was the one who wasn't exactly happy about training since she was still totally hung over but Arwen promised that Zee would feel better if she trained.<p>

"So I take it that neither Thorin nor Fili are aware of this." Zee stated as they approached the training arena. It was obvious that Sam was trying to keep this a secret seeing how she and Arwen were looking for the dwarves.

Sam shrugged and continued looking past corners. "Gandalf encouraged secrecy about this. He promised that he'd tell Thorin eventually."

"And eventually meaning..?" Jackie asked, slightly worried by what the wizard intended.

"Sometime after we've already been taught." Sam told her, the coast was clear so they hurried to the training arena. "If the dwarves find out soon they'll forbid us to even leave our rooms alone."

Zee agreed with Sam there, the dwarves would totally go to extreme lengths to make sure they were not confronted by elves. Ever again."I can so see it, especially you Sam." Since the pale girl was Fili's One there was no doubt that Fili would have her guarded heavily if word got out.

"Don't remind me." Sam huffed a bit, she knew what would happen if Fili found out that she was already lying to him and she would greatly prefer to not let that happen.

"We've arrived." Arwen announced softly to the group as she opened the door, "Just stay here and I will find Hérion."

"Alright." The girls waved to Arwen and decided to explored the large room that was the training arena. It was impressive, a large room with walls covered in elvish weapons and the weapons varied in sizes and types of all sorts.

"I feel like this is some sort of dance studio just with weapons." Zee said as she and the girls looked around.

Sam took a glance at the bows, "Hey Zee, I think you could learn archery too if you want."

Zee shook her head, "If Kili found out he'd be booty tickled and we're tempting fate as is." Zee already had the most dramatic scene played out in her head of what was gonna happen.

Sam shrugged, "Alright." She continued to look at the weapons on the walls and suddenly inspiration struck her. She knew that in Frozen Elsa could create clothes with her ice, she even made her sister a pair of ice skates! Surely Sam could create the same with a little effort!

_Why not have a little fun too! _Sam thought evilly to herself as she decided to go ahead and give it a shot. Sam made sure Zee and Jackie weren't looking, if they saw what she was gonna do the whole thing would be ruined.

First thing first, she needed to know if she could do it at all. Sure, she used her powers during the fight with the trolls but that was different. She was under pressure and her adrenaline was going then. Now she wasn't even on alert for trouble, past the dwarves, so how was she gonna do things.

Taking in a deep breath, Sam extended her right hand over the floor and, after double checking that her friends weren't looking her way, flicked it toward her feet. A small burst of ice shot out and froze the floor just a small bit.

A small smile spread on Sam's face and she turned toward her two unsuspecting victims. Both happened to be discussing a rather intimidating display of elvish swords when Sam decided to freeze the entire floor. Being so occupied with the display, the duo didn't realize what Sam had done until they tried to walk away, slipping in the process.

"The fuck?!" Zee screeched as she tried to stay on her feet, Jackie had already saw that it would be futile to even bother so she already had chose to sit instead of fight with gravity. "Sam, what did you do?!"

Sam only covered her mouth and laughed as Zee slipped and landed on her butt. That was honestly a better show than she had anticipated. "Sorry, couldn't help it." It was such a good thing that Sam was on the other side of the room.

"Unfreeze the floor!" Zee barked at her, "Or, so help me, I will _**kill**_ you!"

Sam smiled cheekily, "And how will you do that, you can't even walk on your own two feet." Sam eyed Zee knowingly and added, "Not to mention that I never got payback for your sleepy talk and drunk episode."

"Oh come on!" Zee growled at Sam angrily while Jackie just innocently sat beside her, "Samantha you better fucking unfreeze the floor!"

Sam only hummed happily to herself and skated a bit in her little safe zone, for someone who's never ice skated in her life Sam was doing mighty well. She was sort of testing Zee's temper and it was so not a good idea.

"Damn it Sam!" Zee tried to stand again but slipped, almost falling in the splits position. "I mean it Sam!" When she really started to get mad at Sam an arrow shot toward Sam, almost hitting the girl.

"Whoa!" Sam barely managed to move out of the way, she wasn't unscratched though. The arrow managed to cut Sam's arm. "Hey!"

Zee, seeing what happened, gasped and tried to figure out what had happened to cause that. No one, but themselves, were there so how could that had happened?

"I can't believe you Zee!" Sam snapped as she held her cut, "You did that you brat!"

"I wha...?" Zee didn't believe she did that, after all that would be a bit much for her to try to hurt Sam like that. "No way...Did I?"

"I think you did Zee." Jackie said as she scooted herself toward Sam on the other side of the room. "I saw it levitate as you got mad."

"Well why didn't you say anything?" Zee asked, even though the arrow flying was her fault Jackie was now her accomplice in the crime. "I cannot be held entirely responsible!" As Zee spoke, another arrow shot toward Sam.

"ZEE!" Sam, luckily, managed to block the accidental attack by burning it with her fire. "What is wrong with you!?"

"I don't know!" Zee panicked a bit, when another arrow tried to hurt Sam Zee threw her arms up and said. "Okay, I'm going to a corner! No one bug me!"

* * *

><p>When Arwen and Hérion arrived at the training arena they found Zee in her corner, arrows scattered everywhere, and Sam and Jackie hiding in a small ice fort.<p>

"What in Middle-Earth..?" Hérion muttered to himself as the two elves examined the damage, "What could they have done in such a small amount of time?"

"It seems that one might have lost control of her powers." Arwen assessed as she looked around, she knew the only two who could have made the mess were Sam and Zee but since the ice and arrows were scattered about it looked like they had a small battle.

"Arwen!" Sam and Jackie called to the elf princess, both were a bit panicked and relieved that Arwen arrived with Hérion. Hopefully he could put an end to Zee's shooting! "Save us!"

"What happened?" Hérion asked as they approached the ice fort.

"I only meant a harmless little joke," Sam explained as she hesitantly peeked at the two elves, "then there were arrows being shot at me! Zee wants to kill me!"

"I didn't mean to!" Zee, literally, shot back at Sam, Sam barely was quick enough to dodge the shot."Sorry!"

"See!" Sam cowered behind her fort, "I am not coming out until she is dealt with!"

Hérion glanced over at Zee and sighed, "This will take more work than I presumed." He made his way over to Zee, taking note of the damage done to the room. "I feel that you will be the one to need the most training."

"I think so too.." Zee admitted as she inspected her own chaos, "So...Elrond won't need to be informed right?"

Hérion gave her a laugh, "I suppose if the damage isn't as bad as it looks." He looked around to emphasis his point that the arena was rather horrible to look at now.

"I'll unfreeze everything." Sam said as Arwen tried to coax her and Jackie out from their fort, "But, I need assurance that she won't try to kill me anymore."

"I think I should train this girl first." Hérion told Arwen as the princess still tried to get the others out, "Let the other two go for today, their friend needs all attention from me at this moment."

"Freedom!" Sam ran out of her fort and scrambled to the door, she briefly left but returned just as quickly, "Oh yeah, forgot." With a wave of her right hand, the ice disappeared and so did Sam.

"Well that was easy." Zee grumbled as Jackie finally also left to follow Sam to whatever new sanctuary there was for them, "I feel so incredibly insulted."

Arwen merely shook her head and began to take her leave, "I noticed Sam had a small flesh wound, I'll have healers look at her." With that she left to find the other two girls who so quickly left. "They shouldn't be hard to find."

* * *

><p>Arwen was correct about finding the duo, Sam was complaining about the small wound Zee gave her as it was a bit deep. After getting the girl to a healer before any the dwarves could see her, Sam was allowed to return to wandering the halls.<p>

Sam wandered about, not intending on finding any company when Lindir suddenly stopped her.

"Hello fair lady." Lindir smiled, Sam never saw Lindir smile and frankly, it bothered her.

"Uh," Sam felt uncomfortable in the elf's presence, "hi?"

Lindir seemed uncomfortable too but not in the same sense as Sam, "I was hoping to learn more about your wonderful friend..."

"Wonderful friend?" Sam asked, who the hell was he talking about? "Uh, who would that being?"

"Zee." he stated, "I was informed that she was courting."

Sam kept her mouth shut, Zee certainly was not courting but if this dude was all in love with her than she could see what happened. "Yeah...why?"

"I was wondering if there was a way for me to win her over her consort." He asked eagerly, scaring Sam even more. "I wish to win her heart."

Sam looked at him like he was a total idiot and shook her head, "You're living in a delusional fantasy, Zee's wouldn't even like you."

"How would you know?" Lindir asked, he was slightly offended but Sam didn't care .

"I'm her sister-from-another-mister." Sam told him angrily, "Dude, she's happy where she is so just leave her be." Sam walked away, definitely not caring if she came off as rude.

However, Lindir was not finished with interrogating Sam and stopped her by grabbing her shoulder. "Do you mean she is a bastard?"

Sam gasped in utter insult, "Excuse yourself?" Sam got in his face and defended her friend's honor, "First of all, if any of the three of us were a bastard child, it's me. Second, don't you ever speak of my friend like she was a dirty, old rag. Lastly, don't you _**ever**_ touch me again!"

Lindir was about to argue with her but then Kili appeared from behind the elf. "I'd let her go if I were you_** Elf**_!"

Sam happily gasped, for once she was happy to see Kili but Lindir was undeterred by the dwarf's presence.

"This doesn't concern you dwarfling." Lindir told Kili, earning a dark glare from Sam and Kili. Seeing how he was bound to be her brother-in-law, Sam knew she had to defend his honor at times too. So, she decided to kick Lindir in the shin.

"Don't you ever insult Kili or any of my friends again you jackass!" Sam snapped as the elf crumbled to the floor in pain. "I thought Thorin had no right to mistreat you elves but I guess I was so wrong!"

Sam was getting rather worked up over Lindir's nosiness so she hurried off to another hallway, followed by Kili.

"Sam, wait up!" Kili called as she hurried off, "Sam, calm down."

Sam eventually did stop and angrily kicked a wall, "Who the hell does that!? Even for a fucking elf!" She paced around a bit before finally calming down.

"You gave him a good kick though." Kili said to cheer her up, "If he can still walk it's gonna hurt!"

Sam kind of laughed, "Yeah, I guess." Sam sighed but she seemed a bit bothered about something. "How long were you there?"

"For the whole argument." Kili admitted a bit nervously, "...Are you really a bastard child?"

Sam sighed heavily, "Yeah, what about it Kili?" She figured that in Middle-Earth that an illegitimate child was bad but she was so use to being a bastard and everyone back home was just about a bastard too.

"Well, I think that would anger Thorin if he found out." Kili muttered a bit, he was afraid of Thorin finding out because that would ruin any chance of Fili and Sam getting married. "Maybe you should have kept that to yourself."

"Maybe." Sam agreed with a groan, "But come on, I'm happy my mom never married my dad."

Kili gave Sam a weird look, "I'm sure you have a reason but let's not discuss it." Knowing that he now held information that would break his brother's heart he added, "I won't tell anyone about this, I want Fili to be happy."

Sam smiled at Kili, "Thanks Kili, I appreciate it."

"As well as the fact you're taking lessons from the elves."

Sam choked on her own saliva, "H-How did you-?"

"I followed you. " Kili smiled smugly at her, "Thought you were sly huh?"

Sam smiled a bit sheepishly and let out a soft chuckle, "Yeah, I really did." She really should have guessed that Kili would find out, throughout the weeks she did note that he was particularly nosy in her business.

"I was looking for you originally." Kili admitted with a grin, "I happened to notice you following the princess like little bandits, as uncle would say."

Sam laughed, "Yeah well, give me a reason to think that was foolish."

"I have none." Kili said, he wasn't bothered by the fact the girls were seeking help for their powers because he knew that none of the dwarves would be able to help and Gandalf would be busy. Even though he held little respect for elves he knew when to give them credit.

"So you have two of my dirty secrets." Sam stated a bit nervously, "Please promise me that you won't tell Thorin or anyone for the matter. Gandalf promised that he would do that."

Kili smiled and nodded, "As I heard you and Zee say, my lips are sealed."

Sam giggled at Kili, it sounded so weird for her to hear him talk like her and her friends. At the same time, she was grateful that he was learning so she wouldn't have to explain for him. "Thanks Ki-Ki."

"Ki-Ki?" Kili asked, a playful grin on her lips, "Is that a nickname, like you and the other two have?"

Sam nodded her head, "Yup, you're new name is Ki-Ki and that's all I'm ever gonna call you unless I have reason to call you Kili."

Kili loved the new name, "So would Fili's nickname be Fi-Fi?"

"Maybe." Sam had two for Fili, Fi-Fi and Fiwi, Kili had the same too but she figured she'd use the Kiwi name when she wanted to embarrass him. "But I'm sure whatever I call him he's gonna tell me to stop."

"I know what you mean," Kili laughed, "He takes the whole heir thing seriously though you wouldn't think that at first glance."

Sam could believe that, she had seen him talk about his role and she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing because of his description of royal events where he would have to dress regally. He always sounded like he looked forward to it and dreaded it at the same time.

"I suppose we should move to somewhere more public." Kili said as he heard Fili calling for Sam in the distance, "Fili gets worried easily."

"Yeah okay." Sam smiled as she followed the dwarf away from the hall, "So you still hold your promise?"

"I would throwing away my honor if I let you down." Kili told her as they walked, "My promise stands high and tall." They both just passed a corner when they found Fili walking in a garden in search for Sam.

"Kili, Sam." Fili said as the two whistled at him from a railing, "How long have you been there?"

"Just a mere second brother." Kili told the blond, "I say you look flustered dear brother."

Kili was right, Fili's face was blushing just a bit. "He's right Fili, what's up with you sweet-pea?" She asked sweetly. Fili blushed even more but Sam nor Kili care, they were having fun toying with the shining heir.

* * *

><p><em><strong>My internet has returned! FINALLY! Also I kind just pissed off my older brother. Ya see, he recently just broke up with his GF (She dumped him) and now she's trying to get back together via Instagram. She wrote him back this sob story message and I, truly out of confusion cause he also mentioned his friend Jose, asked, "Wait did Jose send that or Sarah?". <strong>_

_**Yeah so I'm in trouble... ~Michelle Lacie Kat**_


	10. Chapter 10

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 10: Bonding and Bloodshed**_

* * *

><p>After a couple of days Zee and Sam had managed to learn to control their powers, after much painstaking attempts that left the arena a bit destroyed. Jackie didn't need to be with Sam and Zee, after another accidental onslaught of arrows Jackie learned that she had healing powers and was sent to the healers to study from them.<p>

"I do believe you're both as prepared as you will ever be." Hérion smiled as the two finish their final test. "I'm sure you are going to be fine once you begin to travel again."

"Yay!" Sam and Zee cheered, both were happy to have gotten over this bump in the road. The two were now in perfect control of their powers, more or less, and they now didn't have to keep trying to be secretive.

"Just be careful," Hérion told them as the prepared to leave, "anger, and too much of it, will cause your powers to go on a rampage."

"Ya hear that Zee?" Sam grinned at her friend, "No more teenage girl, hormonal drama!"

Zee gave her friend a blank look and shook her head, "You're normally the cause of my drama."

"Am not!" Sam gasped, covering her heart, "Your words wound me Zee!"

Zee rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever." The duo left the arena in search of Jackie, hoping that their friend was done with her training.

"By the way," Sam asked nervously, she had never told Zee about what happened between her and Lindir and she intended on it staying that way until recently. "have you spoken to Lindir?"

"Hell no!" Zee sneered at the name of the elf, he utterly disgusted Zee"Why would I even look in his direction? He's a creep."

"Uh huh." Sam said, something wasn't right about Zee, "Did something happen, you seem bothered."

Zee shifted a bit, "The jerk asked me to marry him! Can you believe it!? The nerve!"

"Oh!" Sam now understood why he came up to her a few days back. "Makes total sense now."

Zee was confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Sam hummed, "let's just put it as I was cornered a few days ago and I snapped at him."

"What?" Zee stopped Sam and looked at her, totally deadpanned, "He did what?"

Sam nodded her head and repeated, "He cornered me for information about you." Sam suddenly realized that maybe she should have waited until they were in the wild because Zee took off with the quickness to find Lindir and raise hell.

"Where is that miserable elf!" Sam heard from a distance, along with gasps and quiet mutterings from the other elves.

"Oh my." Sam felt a bit bad now but what was done was done, she couldn't save anyone now. Deciding that she needed to find herself some protection, Sam hurried off to find Fili and Kili. Plus, she never got the chance to poke around in Thorin's business for Bilbo.

* * *

><p>Fili was relaxing by a fountain, not naked thankfully, when he felt a pair of hands push him into the water. "Mahal!" The water was cold and, even though it was a warm day, he didn't like cold water unless he was willing to bathe.<p>

"Oh, don't look at me like some drowned puppy!" Sam laughed as she innocently leaned forward, she had merely saw a opportunity to show Fili how much of a wonderful wife she was gonna make. "So whatcha doing?"

"Beside freezing because my One decided to push me in a cold fountain?" he asked grumpily as he pulled himself out of the fountain, "Mind I ask what made you do that?"

"Got bored watching." Sam shrugged as she sat on the ledge that she pushed him off of, "Actually, I was wanting to bug you about something."

"I don't think you could bug me past that but let's see what you can do." Fili took off some of his top layers to wring them of the water.

"I was wondering about Thorin." Sam said, she remembered that Bilbo asked that he not be mentioned but she might have to mention him to get anything. "Does he not like Bilbo?"

"You noticed?" Fili asked with a short, unamused chuckle, "I wouldn't say he hates Bilbo, at least I hope not."

"Hasn't he told you?" Surely with Fili being his heir Thorin would be telling him things like this as some sort of lesson to the future king.

"He has but..." Fili seemed to double think of what he was going to say but instead admitted, "I think Thorin is hiding something that involves our burglar."

"Really?" Sam was intrigued by that, "What do you mean exactly?"

Fili shrugged and sighed, "I'm not sure, it's just confusing and I don't think he even knows what to do."

"Thorin? No clue?" Sam never thought that was possible, she always thought he was in perfect control. Or maybe what he thought was perfect control. "Never thought."

"Me neither." Fili sighed, "It worries me greatly."

"So then I take it that you never brought up me being your One." Sam stated as she leaned back to face Fili, "Huh Fiwi?"

"Fiwi?!" Fili immediately blushed and scowled at Sam, "Where did that come from?!"

Sam shrugged and evilly smiled, "Well, if I were to say your name in baby talk it _woob be Fiwi_."

Fili considered arguing with Sam over the name, he was a prince and heir to the throne for Mahal's sake! However, Sam had the ideal stubbornness of a dwarf and he had absolutely no doubt that he wouldn't win this argument. "I can't believe you would give me such a name."

"Technically I never gave it to you." Sam smiled at him, "All I simply did was say your name in a different tone and it is cute."

Fili rolled his eyes and sighed, "You are a strange, strange little girl Âzyungâl."

Sam ignored the comment and merely laid her head on his lap, "Fiwi is being a panzy."

Fili gave her a glare and opened his mouth to say something back but was cut off by a loud crash that came from the distance.

"HOW DARE YOU TRY TO SAY SHE WAS LYING!" They heard Zee scream as another loud crash sounded, "I OUGHT TO SKIN YOU ALIVE FOR THAT!"

Sam was still for a minute before concluding, "She's gonna kill Lindir." Another crash and some sobbing cries were heard this time, "She's_** really**_ gonna kill him."

"Good riddance then." Fili growled, "I always hated that elf, he was worse than the others."

Sam was worried that Kili may have told Fili of the encounter she had with the elf but it seemed so far that he was utterly clueless. "May I ask why?"

"Did you forget?" Fili asked, a bit annoyed with her question. "He cornered you, remember?"

Sam jumped up and away from Fili, so he was informed. "Kili told you?!"

"Not exactly," Fili admitted, "telling me would imply that he did it of his own free will."

"You forced Kili into telling you?" Sam was a bit outraged, she really should have figured but she actually had hoped the Kili wouldn't make a slip. "Why in the world would you do that?"

"He looked bothered and when I found out it had to do with you," Fili shifted away from her and mumbled something she couldn't understand.

"What was that?" Sam demanded, she did not like the idea of him withholding information from her.

"I threatened to lock him in a room with nothing but elves."

Sam gasped, "Why would you say that to him!? You probably scarred him!"

"I admit that it wasn't the best idea but I was worried that something bad had happened to you." Fili said as he kind of hung his head in shame. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"What just happened with Zee would be reason number one." Sam extended her hand toward the elvish building where Zee was running amok. "Reason number two would be that I didn't want you to worry about me." And three was that Kili had two of her secrets but he didn't need to know that part.

"Well of course I'd be worried, you're my One and if anything happened to you-"

"Yeah, yeah I know already." Sam reminded him, "It's not like he hurt me, just made me really mad that's all."

Fili sighed and gave her a sad look, "Would you tell me if someone hurt you?"

Sam seemed a bit taken back by the question, in a heart beat she would say yes but the look he had said he wouldn't believe her. "I would tell you but at the same time I'd probably be afraid to."

"Why?" Fili seemed a bit hurt, "I would do whatever it took to protect you."

"Well," Sam kind of turned away, "give any circumstances I might think that you won't believe me."

"I would always believe you." Fili insisted, pulling her toward him, "I'd believe you over anyone else."

Sam smiled, she was truly touched by his honesty. However, be it as it may she doubted he would do so later when they'd reach Erebor. Then again, maybe he would.

Before Sam could say anything back Lindir came sprinting from the elvish building, followed closely by a enraged Zee wielding a hammer she stole from Dwalin.

"COME BACK HERE!" Zee screamed as she swung and missed the elf, "I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR EVEN LOOKING IN MY FRIENDS' DIRECTION AS WELL AS MINE!"

Lindir tried to hide but, of course, that was all but useless with Zee around. "Please, just let me explain!"

"NO, FUCK YOU! YOU ELVEN WHORE!" Zee screeched angrily, this time when she swung the hammer she only barely missed him. The stone floor was not as lucky. "THE AUDACITY!"

Sam and Fili watched in both amusement and fear, Sam was actually impressed that Zee was wielding the hammer though. Of course, she should have guessed that Lindir was gonna grab her and use her as a shield.

"Âzyungâl!" Fili was already reaching for Sam while she just stayed still praying that she didn't get hurt.

Zee gasped in sheer anger, "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HER AND USE HER LIKE A SHIELD AGAINST ME! IT'S ON NOW BITCH!" Zee dropped her hammer and tackled Sam and Lindir, Sam was spared though. Fili was quick to pull her out of the mess as well as join in on the brutal beating.

"Well then." Sam had a small bruise thanks to the fall but she knew better than to even sigh at the moment.

"I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR INTESTINES!" Zee growled as she decked Lindir in the eye, "FILI! BREAK HIS LEGS!"

"Uh oh." Sam immediately created another ice fort with a roof this time, leaving only a small window so she could still watch, "This is getting serious."

Suddenly, a wave of arrows came and struck down near the battle. Sam could have swore that a few arrows struck Lindir, hopefully nowhere vital. Lindir screamed in total agony as the pain of the arrows joined that of Fili twisted his right leg.

"WHAT IN MIDDLE-EARTH IS GOING ON!?" Gandalf and Lord Elrond stormed toward the bloodshed, Gandalf froze Zee and Fili as the dwarves also arrived to the scene. "Lindir!"

Sam called off her fort and smiled sheepishly at the wizard, "Hi..."

Zee and Fili struggled against the magic, still trying to get at the fucked up elf. They cursed in different languages, Zee Spanish and Fili Khuzdul, and surely they were horrible insults to the elf.

"What happened?!" Elrond asked as he tended to his servant.

"Well..." Sam really didn't want to explain so thank the Valar that Zee finally chose to speak common tongue.

"That bastard cornered Sam, lied to me about it, and then used her as a shield against me!" Zee barked at Lord Elrond as she still tried to get free, "No one does that to my sister!"

"And your excuse, Fili?" Gandalf asked as he helped Elrond pick up Lindir and give the wounded elf to a healer to whisk away.

"Did you not hear Zee?" he growled, "He used my One as a shield!"

Sam gasped and covered her mouth, slowly she turned to look at the dwarves to see if Thorin was mad. Thorin, who was at the back of the group, made his way forward and glared at Sam.

"Your One you say?" He jeered at Fili, Sam felt like a little mouse right now. "I think we need to have a word in private Fili."

Fili paled, he hadn't realized that Thorin was there and now he was in trouble. Sam scooted away from both Fili and Thorin and was found in the arms of Jackie, who finally showed up.

"I think we need to go." Jackie whispered into Sam's ear.

Sam nodded and the two slowly tried to leave but were stopped by Thorin, "Stay where you stand Sam, if what Fili say is true then I also need a word with you."

Sam made a small whine in the back of her throat, she was feeling like she was gonna get a riot act from Thorin. And Zee yelling at the dwarf king did not make her feel better.

* * *

><p>Sam was forced to be locked up in the elvish library while Thorin interrogated Fili in his room, the only company she had was sweet Ori. He was the only dwarf she wasn't afraid of seeing at the moment. Sam was curled up in her chair, absolutely dreading the talk she was gonna get.<p>

"I actually think you'll make a great queen." Ori told her as he sat next to her.

"Thanks Ori." Sam smiled a bit, "But I really doubt that Thorin will agree with that idea."

"The most he can do is make Kili his heir." Ori sighed as he patted her head, "Love is too rare for him to force you two apart."

Sam felt a bit awkward, though she had no reason to be, "Is he mad?"

"Not exactly," Ori explained, "it's just that you're a child of the race of men and he's of dwarf royalty. That's not exactly happened before."

Sam noticed how he said _not exactly_, "So that's what is bugging him?"

"The council might not approve having any other race as part of their monarchy." Ori told her as he glanced toward the doors. "Plus Thorin has his whole pride problems."

"That I could understand." Sam giggled as the doors finally opened, revealing Thorin, Balin and Fili behind it. "Uh oh.."

Balin came up to Ori and whispered something into the young dwarf's ear, probably asking him to leave so they could bully Sam and Fili in private. When the bookworm left the library, Fili took his place beside Sam though she might prefer that he didn't.

"So," Balin and Thorin took a seat across from the two, "let's get to the point of this meeting." Balin turned to Thorin as the king stood from his five second seat.

"I cannot stress to you two," he said in his deep rumbling voice, "what trouble your in for among the dwarf kingdoms."

"It's not like we could chose who we wish to love Uncle." Fili told Thorin, "And certainly they cannot make me leave her."

"Aye," Balin agreed, "but you forget Fili; you're a prince and, by our laws, you must marry a dwarven princess."

Sam didn't like the sound of that, "You mean, even if Fili had me...he'd have to marry another?" They better tell her that would not be the case.

"Not exactly," Balin explained to her, "as his One nothing bad can happen to you but, you are of the race of men."

"And most certainly the council will not approve of you." Thorin sighed, "True, you are on the journey and you are proving yourself slowly but that won't be enough for them."

"So then, what would happen?" Sam asked worriedly.

"If council chose to reject your marriage," Thorin said in a gravely cold voice, "they could chose to make Kili the heir or..."

"Or..?" Fili asked, equally afraid.

"Or they will force Sam to be confined into a secret room and you, Fili, will only be allowed to visit her enough to where you would not die from her being locked away."

Sam couldn't believe what she was hearing, locked away from the world while Fili could only visit. She surely would whither away!"But..."

"It's a one in million chance for them to accept you." Balin said, "Even the king can't give his word."

* * *

><p><strong><em>So this a bit of a touching, homicidal, heartwretching feast for all of our wonderful viewers, I don't regret where this is going but I kinda think Fili and Sam's relationship is moving rather fast but maybe that's how it works for soul-mates? Idk, I ain't got one... :( Lol! So see you guys next chapter and, even though the views are outrageous, I would absolutely love to know how I'm doing! Please tell me in the reviews. THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU TURNERZNIKES! I only partially live with you missy!<em>**

**_*UPDATE* So today I was out shopping with my mom and I got a notification for a review for this story from, supposedly, my Sister-from-another-mister, TurnerzNikes. A bit annoyed but at first thinking it was funny I texted her but she denied it, swearing it wasn't her. Now, I feel like some fool thought it was funny to try and pose as her so I'm removing the anonymous/Guest reviews. So now if you have something to say you have to have an account in order to review. It's not that the review was offensive or anything but that bothers me that someone would try to pose as her, that's the only reason why I'm doing this. ~Michelle Lacie Kat_**


	11. Chapter 11

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 11: The White Council**_

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><p>Sam was hardly paying any attention to Zee's angry mutterings about what an ass Lindir was compared to his movie self. She was far too busy replaying the conversation she had in the library to care what her friend was doing.<p>

"_You can't leave the room," Thorin explained what her house arrest would be like, "your meals will be brought to you and Fili will have to marry a princess as well as only be with her."_

"_So then I'm nothing more than a trinket?" Sam felt so utterly heart broken which was something she had felt before and thought she could guard herself from. "A spare basically."_

"_A last resort mostly."Balin sighed, he truly didn't feel like they should be telling her this. "If it seems like Fili will not last with you like this, they might release you."_

Sam had stormed out of the room in absolute outrage, she figured that they were only warning her but still! She could have totally done without that! Now she was left to contemplate her future with the blond prince, one she wasn't sure she could handle. Sam always preferred to lock herself up in her house but that was of her free will and she could leave if she wanted to.

"You okay?" Jackie asked as she got fed up with Zee's cursing. "You look so sad."

Sam sighed and waved Jackie off, "Don't worry about it, I'll tell you once I get it sorted out myself."

Jackie didn't like that but nodded, "Promise?"

Sam nodded back, "I swear, cross my heart." Sam crossed her heart and stood up from the lounge chair she was in. "I think I'm gonna go see Gandalf, see how bad everything is."

Jackie gave her a half smile and let the brunette go off while she continued to babysit Sam's almost twin sister. It was bound to be a hassle but better she do it or Zee would go elf hunting again.

Sam headed over to where she saw the grey wizard admiring the starry night sky, he was also puffing on his pipe rather leisurely.

"I sense confusion in your aura." He said to Sam without ever turning toward her, "I take it the talk didn't go well."

"As if I ever thought it could..." Sam sighed, joining the wizard, "How's Lindir?"

"Alive but wounded terribly so." Gandalf sighed as he made a ring of smoke, "I did not expect such hostility from Zee."

Sam shrunk away a small bit, "Well, he shouldn't have acted so weird with Zee nor should he have cornered me."

"Ah yes," Gandalf gave her a short chuckle, "I heard about that."

Sam didn't say anything, she decided to just watch the stars and let Gandalf start a conversation with her. Luckily, she didn't have to wait long.

"The Valar will be rather pleased with how you girls are progressing." He commented offhandedly as he leaned against a pillar.

"Huh?" Sam asked, "The Valar...?"

Gandalf chuckled when he saw the utterly confused look on her face, "You did not truthfully believe that you three came here by chance did you?"

Sam, for only a minute, did not understand what the wizard was saying, when she finally caught on to what he was implying she 'bout nearly slapped herself. "You mean the Valar are the ones who brought us here!?"

"Of course." Gandalf began to put out his pipe as he spoke, "It was something they had been worried over for many years, particularly when Thorin first started to wonder about the Lonely Mountain."

"And you knew?" Sam knew he did but she had the slightest of feelings that he played a big part in them coming here.

"I merely encouraged the idea and possibly hand chose the three of you." He smiled down at Sam and added, "I'll admit, among the three of you, you had the most knowledge of what to expect and do."

"Me?" Sam asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Those stories you read," He smirked, "The ones where girls enter this world and change the story. You read them a lot and also you look into the characters of the original tale more than your friends. You know some of the dwarves better than you know your friends."

Sam blushed a bit, she did spend a lot of time reading the character biographies on the LOTR Wiki. "But what about the fan fiction part? How does that work here?"

"Those stories are alternate realities, they're happening in another timeline as we speak."

"They are?" That made Sam feel no better than she did when she came to the wizard, "So then there truly is a timeline where someone is changing the story huh? Which means Stirring The Leaves and The Great Perhaps are real then."

"They are." Gandalf agreed, "And now you're one of them and you need to change this story as well."

Sam just felt weights settle on her shoulders, when they started this journey Sam never really took in the dangers. Like she said herself, it was going to be the adventure of a lifetime and since they knew what was going to happen it didn't matter that there was danger. Now they had to actively take part in the story, it wasn't going to be the one way street she had originally intended.

"You weren't brought here to just have fun." Gandalf said as he caught on to her gloom. "But, there is something more."

"Can I guess?" Sam asked with dry humor, it was reaching the end of their stay.

"If the council truly sees it fit, they can stop us at anytime." Gandalf explained, "I need you to join me."

"And what would you need me for?" Sam asked, "Obviously, you know how the story ends as much as I do."

"I do." Gandalf agreed, "But as you also know, Saruman will do anything to prove otherwise."

Sam thought about that, Gandalf did have a huge point there. "Alright, I get it." Sam did not like the idea of seeing the council but it had to be done. Hopefully Zee doesn't get all mad at her. "So then I won't be joining the others."

"I've informed Thorin already." Gandalf told her, "I will come for you when it is time."

Sam just gave him a blank look, she was so not looking forward to this. Not one damn bit. "Oh, I'm shaking with anticipation."

"Sarcastic as usual." Gandalf laughed while Sam only groaned and slouched like a sad, lonely puppy.

* * *

><p>It was hard for Sam to convince the girls to leave her behind, Zee was going to wring the wizard's neck had Sam not reminded Zee that the council needed to be convinced to stay out of their adventure.<p>

"You know I'll catch up." Sam told Zee as the other brunette calmed down, "In fact, I probably would be more help with the goblins if I'm with Gandalf."

"Still!" Zee complained like she was a five year old, "Why do you have to stay?"

"Because the company still needs you two." Sam said as she decided to double check the girls' bags,she was forced to help pack and hadn't slept yet because of it. "Now, just roll with it."

Zee continued to complain, much to Sam's annoyance, when a knock was heard on the door. It sure wasn't time to leave so no one should be bothering them.

"Sam..." Fili's voice came from the other side, "May I speak with you?"

As if revenge for Sam staying behind, Zee started wooing as Sam headed toward the door.

Sam blushed in embarrassment, she left the room with cheeks that looked liked she been burned under the sun. Not that she wasn't already. "S-Sorry about that..." Sam silently promised that she'd let one goblin give Zee a nasty scratch for that.

"Kili was no better." Fili chuckled at Sam's flustered face, "May we go to the garden?"

Sam nodded and followed Fili to the near by garden, they both took a seat on a marble bench. "Whatcha wanna talk about?" Sam had a feeling that he wanted to talk about what happened in the library but wasn't gonna ask just in case.

"I heard that you were staying with the wizard." He sighed and looked up at the sky, "I was hoping to clear the air a bit, I don't want to leave knowing you're still upset."

"Really?" Sam sighed as she leaned back on her hands, "Look, I'm not sure I really want to talk about this."

"We need to." Fili said as he snaked his arm around her waist, "Uncle Thorin and I discussed an arrangement that could prevent the council from having a say in our relationship."

"Really..?" Sam was not all that convinced but she listened.

"Uncle believes that proving the unworthiness of the other royals will allow you and I to marry." Fili explained horribly, "If the council sees that the princesses are not suitable to rule nor able to win approval from the people, we can be together."

Sam was lost, she didn't follow what Fili was saying one bit. "Okay...And how would I do that..?"

"Thorin suggested taking more action." Fili seemed reluctant to tell her that, "I don't approve..."

Sam smiled sympathetically, she didn't want to do any fight either but she had to. "I promise, when I come back I'll stay by your side so that way you know I'm safe."

Fili smiled a bit, "I guess that works."

"You should go pack," Sam said as she noticed that the moon suddenly seemed a bit too bright, "who knows when you're leaving."

"Kili and I were already packed this morning." Fili shrugged, they sat in silence for a minute to enjoy each other's presence. After that minute, Fili broke the silence."I was wondering something."

"And what is this something?" Sam asked, looking at him lazily.

Fili gathered some of Sam's hair and toyed with it. "May I finally braid your hair?"

Sam gave a look but sighed, "Sure but be gentle. I hate having my hair pulled."

"Okay." Fili combed her hair with his fingers before setting on braiding her hair. "Don't move okay?"

Sam just hummed and let Fili play with her hair, enjoying the relaxing feeling. One thing she loved was having her hair played with, so long as it wasn't getting pulled. It took a good minute for Fili to do the braid, when Sam heard the clasp click she felt sad to have the braiding end.

"There." Fili smiled with pride at his wonderful work.

Sam touched the braid, "I should let you play with my hair more often." She twirled that braid and asked, "Don't I have to give you one?"

"Traditionally, yes." Fili nodded, "But since you're not a dwarf, you will have to mark me by your standards."

"I see." So then she needed to get her hands on a wedding ring, that's fabulous. Sam noticed Kili looking around at a distance. "I'll see you when we catch up?" She pointed at the brunette dwarf.

Fili turned and saw his brother, "Yeah, be safe Âzyungâl." Fili stood and, before leaving, kissed Sam's hand.

"You too Fiwi." Sam grinned as she so innocently said the name a bit louder than she needed to. Kili happened to hear the name and started laughing while Fili was only smiling but still embarrassed. When the brothers were out of sight, Sam decided to relax on the bench so she could take a small nap. She was capable of properly functioning with only an hour's sleep and she didn't want to appear before the Council all sleep deprived.

* * *

><p>Sam was nudged awake by Gandalf's staff, "You know it's rude to wake someone up with a stick." Sam mumbled as she pushed away his staff.<p>

"As is being late for a meeting." Gandalf countered, Sam had pushed herself up rather slowly when he decided to start dragging her away. "We must hurry."

"Did they leave?" Sam asked quietly, she had hoped they did so some time ago.

"They did." Gandalf assured her, "But do not make mention of it."

Sam nodded with a small smile as Gandalf led her to where Elrond was waiting for them both. She truly felt so small but she was trying her best to not seem all that bothered.

"You will need to try harder if you're wanting to seem confident." Gandalf told her as they approached a corner to reach Elrond. "You look ill."

"Well jeez!" Sam groaned, she was starting to feel like Zee with all her groaning and complaining. She almost wanted to just stop and sit on the ground and strike.

"You're bringing the girl?" Elrond asked when he saw Sam following Gandalf. "Are you sure you need her here?"

Gandalf nodded and continued to go up the stairs to where the meeting will be held. They were so quiet that it just grated at Sam's nerves. It was beyond awkward and absolutely horrible. It felt like the stairs went on forever and ever before they reached the flat surface.

"...Or for that matter am I." Sam heard Gandalf say, so there was conversation but she wasn't listening. That surely wasn't a first.

"It is not me you must answer to." Sam immediately felt her heart begin to pound madly as she and Gandalf saw the beautiful Galadriel. The movie's description of the elf was such an understatement, Sam felt so entranced and enraptured by the blonde's beauty.

Gandalf spoke to the elf witch in elvish, to which she replied all the same. Gandalf turned to Elrond and so did Sam, "I had no idea that Lord Elrond had sent for you."

"He didn't." Sam felt the hairs on her neck stand as she followed the voice to where the white wizard stood in the shadows. "I did."

The wizard removed himself from the shadows, he looked at Gandalf with fake kindness Sam had seen many times from the movie. Gandalf followed suit as well. Sam didn't follow either, she merely stood there wishing that Zee, or at least Jackie, could have joined her. Maybe things would not be the least bit awkward.

"My friend." Saruman said with fake pleasantry, he casted a dark scowl at Sam but said about her company.

Gandalf and Sam sat down at the end of the stone table, last time Sam sat down at a conference like table she and her older brother were playing in her father's old office. Not as fun as she remembered when in this environment. To make matters worse, Galadriel and Elrond paced around the table, making the atmosphere so much more suffocating.

"Tell me Gandalf," Saruman scolded the Grey wizard, "did you think these plans and schemes of your's would go unnoticed?"

Gandalf seemed a bit offended that Saruman would make his actions sound so shifty. "Unnoticed? No, I-I am simply doing what I feel is right."

Galadriel was quick to catch that partial lie, "The dragon has long been on your mind."

Sam just looked at Gandalf, she sure as hell was not about to answer for him. After all, Saruman was just mean-mugging her so she was just gonna be a good girl and keep quiet.

Gandalf nodded at Galadriel, "It is true my lady." Gandalf seemed to only answer without hesitation when it came to the elf witch. "Smaug owes allegiance to no one, but if he should side with the enemy the dragon could be used for a terrible fate."

Sam caught the twitch of Saruman's lip, "What enemy?" Sam could totally see through the albino bastard's lies. "Gandalf, the enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished, he can never regain his full strength."

"Wait," Sam suddenly blurted out loud, "never regain? You mean he still is alive?"

Gandalf looked at Sam and then at Saruman, "I do believe that could be assumed with how you worded your statement Saruman."

Saruman truly gave Sam a death glare but brushed off what had been said. Elrond took his turn in speaking to ease the conflict, "Gandalf, for four hundred years we've lived in peace. A hard won, watchful peace."

Gandalf was quick to counter Elrond, "Are we? Are we at peace?" he looked at Sam like he was surprised that they had the audacity to say that to him. "Trolls have come down from the mountain, they are raving villages, destroying farms. Orc have attacked us on the road."

Elrond walked toward Gandalf, "Hardly a prelude to war."

"Always you must meddle." Sam was actually insulted that Saruman would make it seem like Gandalf just pokes his nose into everything for no reason. "Looking for trouble when none exists."

Galadriel seemed to a bit offended as well, "Let him speak." she ordered as she walked behind the white wizard.

"There is something at work beyond the evil of Smaug, something far more powerful." Gandalf leaned forward and Sam felt inclined to do the same. Talk about a copycat. "We can remain blind to it but, it will not be ignoring us that I can promise you."

Sam sighed looked toward the rising sun, it did not feel as wonderful and welcoming as it when she and the company were on the road. It felt like something more utterly wicked was beginning to play.

"A sickness lies over the Greenwood, the woodsman who live there now call it Mirkwood. They say..." Gandalf seemed hesitant to continue on.

"Well?" Saruman insisted, "Don't stop now, tell us what the woodsmen say."

"They speak of a necromancer living in Dol Guldur, a sorcerer who can summon the dead." Sam sighed, here comes the argument.

"That's absurd. " Saruman argued, "No such power exists in this world, this Necromancer is nothing more than a mortal man. A conjurer dabbling in black magic."

"And so I thought too, but Radagast-" Gandalf was cut off by the albino.

"Radagast? Do not speak to me of Radagast The Brown, he's a foolish fellow." Sam saw the darkening gaze in Saruman's eyes, something about Radagast seemed to set Saruman off.

"Oh well, he's odd I grant you, lives a solitary life." Gandalf tried to stick up for his fellow wizard but Saruman wasn't moved.

"It's not that, it is his excessive consumption of mushrooms." That didn't sound superficial, not at all. "They've addled his brain and yellowed his teeth."

Saruman continued to speak but Sam noticed that Gandalf was not listening to the albino anymore. Turning toward Galadriel, Sam realized that the two were speaking privately. She had forgotten that Galadriel could speak to others with her mind.

Just then, Gandalf lifted up something covered in a tattered, dirt color cloth, he payed no mind to Saruman's rambling and neither did Sam.

"What is that?" Elrond came toward the object when Galadriel made her comment.

"A relic of Mordor." she said with fear in her voice, as she spoke Elrond had reached to uncover the item but stopped in hesitation. Taking in a breath, Elrond removed the cloth and all eyes fell upon an old sword. It was not shaped like any sword Sam had seen before, it looked like it was made to pierce through someone's heart.

"A Morgul blade.." Elrond slightly backed away and even Sam could feel the darkness emitting from it.

Galadriel came closer to them, "Made for the Witch King of Angmar and...buried with him." Galadriel gave Elrond a perplexed look as they both gazed upon the weapon. "When Angmar fell, the men of the north took his body and all that possessed and sealed it within the High Fells in Rhudar. Deep within the rock they buried him, in a tomb so dark...it would come to light."

Lord Elrond leaned against the table, "This is not possible, a powerful spell lies upon those tombs. They cannot be opened."

Sam rolled her eyes, "Then explain this." Sam extended her hand toward the Witch King's sword.

"What proof do we have that this weapon came from Angmar's grave?" Saruman asked, even in his calmness Sam could see that he was a bit panicked.

Gandalf sighed, he found his fellow wizard's denial annoying as did Sam. "I have none.."

"Because there is none." Saruman truly was doing a lot to cover his own ass in Sam's opinion. "Let us examine what we know, a single orc pack has dared to cross the Bruinen, a dagger from a bygone age has been found and a human sorcerer who calls himself the Necromancer has taken up residence in a ruined fortress. It's not so very much."

Sam was completely insulted by his dismissal of the events, "And a wizard is trying to pass off all these events as coincidence." The two briefly glared at each other but Gandalf prevented Sam from saying anything else

Again Saruman ignored Sam, never granting her an answer. "After all, the question of this dwarvish company, however, troubles me deeply. I'm not convinced, Gandalf. I do not feel I can condone such a quest. If they had come to me, I might have spared them from this disappointment..."

Galadriel slowly turned and smiled at Gandalf, again in their own private conversation, Sam knew what they were talking about, by now the elves realized that the company had long since left their city.

* * *

><p>"I will not leave her!" Zee screeched as they entered the wilderness, Dwalin held Zee's torso while Kili held her legs. With all her squirming she looked no different than the girl from the Exorcist. "Let me go!"<p>

"Zee calm down!" Kili grumbled as he readjusted his grip on the girl, "You make it sound like we've left her to die."

"Because you have you idiots!" Zee screamed angrily, "She's not with me, you have no idea what they could be doing to her!"

Jackie gave a small smile and asked, "What makes you think she'd let them do anything to her?"

Zee stopped her thrashing, "That is beside the point Jacquelina!" She started thrashing around again, much more violently, "We are one Musketeer short damn it! There fore I am pissed, now let me go you-you half bald dwarf!"

Dwalin only ignored Zee and continued to carry the girl as they headed toward the Misty Mountains. He greatly hoped that Zee would chill out by the time they reached the mountains, it would mean a whole lot if she did.

"We need to hurry." Thorin called to them from the front of the group, "we must get as far away as possible or the elves will stop us soon enough."

"I want Samantha!" Zee complained, the dwarves were just annoyed with Zee at this point. When they see Sam again they were going to insist that she stay with Zee at all times. "I want my Samantha Michelle Kathryn Anderson now, now, now, _**now**_!"

While the dwarves brushed off Zee, Fili took in the full name of his One. Sam had never told him her full name and now he knew, he was a bit curious now to know Zee's and Jackie's full names. He wondered if their's were as long as Sam's.

"Brother," Kili called to Fili, "Mind you give me some assistance with this little, squirming wolf."

"Little!?" Zee barked at Kili as Fili also grabbed her legs, "How dare you, I am at least three inches taller that you!"

Fili shook his head as he brother countered back, "You sure don't act like it!" That helped no one at all.

Zee gave him an exaggerated gasp, "How dare you insult my height! And while I am still in distress over the separation between my sister and I!" Zee darkly glared at the brunette dwarf, "You sicken me!"

"I feel it wouldn't take much to do that." Fili laughed as he tightened his grip in Zee's legs so that she wasn't kicking him nor Kili in the ribs. "I'm sure Sam is fine and expects the same out all of us."

Zee just grumbled and groaned as she was carried away by the company, everyone, including Bilbo and Jackie, were grateful that Zee finally quieted although no one dared to say it out loud. Not unless they wanted to hear the unending ranting all over again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Yay! We're heading to the Misty Mountains and now the girls are gonna have to become full participants. Also, I do love Stirring the Leaves and the Great Perhaps, they are really my favorites and they both gave me inspiration for how to roll with this story. They truly deserve credit where credit is due, I really suggest reading them if you haven't already. <strong>_

_**Btw, I know that in Stirring The Leaves Lizzy and Gandalf have the same conversation about how she got there and the whole Fanfictions are alternate realities. From my understanding, Gandalf tells her they were possibilities, one of many outcomes, but not alternate worlds really. That's where we differ, here all fanfictions involving people of our world, girl or boy, are alternate universes. They are happening based on the character's choices, the same for these girls. What makes this universe different from others will be seen a while from now, so enjoy my attempt at giving you suspense**__**. I probably failed too.**_

_**See you guys next chapter! Bye! ~ Michelle Lacie Kat**_


	12. Chapter 12

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 12: Hi-Ho! To The Misty Mountains We Go**_

* * *

><p>Zee had finally calmed down after nearly losing her voice, she wasn't happy but at least she wasn't needing to be carried around anymore. She simply followed the dwarves with her arms crossed and refused to talk to anyone.<p>

"Zee, really." Jackie sighed after an attempt to see if her friend was okay.

Zee refused to answer, just tossed her head and made a hmph sound. She had made a silent vow to never speak until they were accompanied by Sam and Gandalf so she could give the wizard the most epic ass chewing ever.

"You're not making this any better Zenin." Jackie sighed again when Zee merely walked past her friend. "I swear she acts like a brat sometimes."

"I always assumed that was how she and Sam became so close." Jackie jumped but then relaxed when she realized that it was simply Bilbo and Ori, "I can't see how else they became friends."

"Everyone sees them as complete opposites," Jackie laughed, "Sam always more carefree than Zee, Zee always is serious about her goals and works hard to achieve them while Sam just eases through."

"What do you mean exactly?" Ori asked with great interest, "How does she _just ease through_?"

"She never seems to put an effort," Jackie explained, with all honesty she had no clue how Sam got by. "When she does you can tell, but any other time she's just relaxing and not caring."

"She's carefree?" Bilbo wished he could be like that, the life of a hobbit did not allow for such extreme leisure.

Jackie shook her head, "More so just really laid back, she told me that she feels that stressing over every little thing is just stupid so she chooses to go and let whatever happens happen."

"Seems like such a luxurious life." Ori smiled, "Dwarves cannot live that way, we prefer to charge into our problems."

"Hobbits are no better." Bilbo sighed, "Still, I don't believe there could ever be a time where Sam and Zee will not be at each other's side."

Jackie only nodded in agreement, it was true that Sam and Zee had their differences but the two were incredibly close. It would take a lot to turn them against each other.

Thorin had heard the small discussion, he cared little of Zee but the information they had of Sam was intriguing. He had seen where Sam was laid back compared to her friends, she only was bothered or worried when it came to her friends or Fili. Was that because she held them dear? Probably, and that was a good thing because it showed her loyalty. Loyalty was a prized trait among dwarves, surely the court would see her use as Fili's bride.

"The others heard about our predicament." Balin told Thorin in a soft voice, "Everyone wants to help the lass."

"I'd imagine they would." Thorin took in a deep breath, "I do not want to see Fili wither away."

Balin nodded, "None of us do, the council cannot fight the voice of the people. We just need to make her desired by the public."

"She knows nothing of royalty." Thorin added, "She has made it known that she wasn't noble born."

"We'll have to teach her then." Balin patted Thorin's shoulder in a comforting manner, "We will see that Fili lives on happily with her."

Thorin gave Balin a rare smile, "We all will see it, one way or another."

"Hey, you invited me!" Sam snapped at Gandalf when he scolded her for being unprofessional with Saruman after an elf informed them that the company left. She gave the white wizard a fairly hard kick in the nuts for insulting the company.

"I did." Gandalf agreed, "I did not, however, ask that you attack Saruman."

Sam groaned and rolled her eyes at the wizard, "Oh boo-hoo, I smashed his balls. Big whoopie-doo." Really, the nerve of the albino asshole! To think he could insult her friends and not face some consequence. The bloody fucking nerve!

"I insist that you speak with respect, no matter who you talk to." Gandalf had asked that Sam be given new clothes for her travels so Sam was now wearing a loose black shirt with two brown belts holding it, she also was wearing dark green pants and black boots.

"Good luck trying to enforce that." Sam said as she gave him a deadpanned look, "I'm no soldier thank you very much."

"You need to act a bit more like one." Gandalf sighed, "Now let us hurry, I do not wish for them to get stranded with out my guidance."

Sam just shook her head and picked up her satchel that Arwen had given her as a gift. She was given a sword that was named the Ice Queen, they told her the elvish name but she totally forgot it. She also received a bow and arrows that were designed to match the color of fire. She also carried a few gifts for Zee and Jackie.

"Not like they follow it anyways.." Sam sighed as they headed off to rejoin the company, "So, why was I really brought to that meeting? Obviously it had little to do with my input."

"Saruman had heavily insisted on you girls not coming." Gandalf explained as they steadily left the elvish city, "To see that the Valar had brought you only served to prove his allegiance with the enemy."

"How so?" Sam asked, she found that the wizard sure walked rather fast as she was struggling to keep up.

"Only you girls have foreknowledge of what will happen, that makes you valuable to the good." He stopped briefly to share a look of dread with Sam, "Saruman knows that you girls could easily change the fate of this world, he will now do whatever is in his power to either eliminate you or make you a servant of evil."

Sam stared back with eyes wide and fear dwelling in her belly, nothing sounded more terrifying to her than what was just spoken. To think, at one point life was so innocent and sweet and now it was dark and filled with a storm of loss, confusion, forebode. "Servants...like the Nine?"

Gandalf's expression darkened, "Yes, just like the Nine." he continued to walk on and, though she followed, Sam was too occupied with her conflicting thoughts to take in anything around her. She didn't want to end up like any of the Nine nor did she want her friends to follow that path. She could have convinced herself that they all were aligned with justice but as Gandalf said, Saruman would do anything his power to either kill them or turn them.

Sam eventually made a promise to the Valar, she would see that Saruman and Sauron would not conquer her soon to be home nor would they bring tragedy to her friends. She didn't care if it would cost her life, she would rather greet death than see the people she loved suffer. If Jackie or Zee knew what she now knew, they would vow the same.

The company had traveled far from Rivendell, they were, by no means close to the Misty Mountains yet but from where they were it was a fair distance. However, night had fallen and the company was in great need of rest.

"We'll need a fire." Thorin told Bombur and Gloin to make a fire while the girls plopped themselves on the ground without their bedding.

"Jackie..!" Zee moaned, "I'm so tired..."

Jackie made a noise in agreement, "I am too..." Both girls had to walk over misshaped rocks, uneven floors, loose dirt, and Kili playfully tripping Zee who, in turn, took Jackie down with her. Both were tired, bruised, and about to wring some necks if they were awoken from any slumber they indulged in.

Fili and Kili saw the two on the ground as they gathered some wood and made soft chuckles at them, "You drained them Kili, I don't think my Âzyungâl would approve."

"If she was apart of it she wouldn't." Kili grinned impishly, "But either way, I'll let them sleep. They need it more than food."

Fili nodded, "Aye, I agreed with you there." He exhaled a breath and glanced at the stars, "I wonder how she's holding..."

Kili stopped and looked at his older brother, the last time he saw Fili look at the stars in questioning was when Thorin first named him the next heir of Erebor. Fili was afraid that he couldn't live up to the expectations and he had snuck out in the middle of the night to watch the stars. Now he was doing the same for his One.

"I can feel sadness from her," Fili sighed sadly, "but I can't tell what it is that makes her so."

Kili placed a comforting arm around his brother, "Sam is strong but she and her friends walk along the edge of danger, I'm sure she is afraid of what's to come."

Fili smiled a bit, sometimes Kili could act years beyond his age. "Thank you brother, I'm sure you're right." Sam and the girls knew the future so it made sense that Sam would be afraid of what she knew.

"It's my job to see you smile brother," Kili grinned, his normal attitude returning, "as it is her's to love you."

Fili grinned back, "If she heard you, she'd turn red and slap you." it was true, Sam hadn't quite adjusted to the fact that one day she and Fili would marry and Kili took advantage of that.

"It's great practice for speed!" Kili waved off his brother's mentioning of the painful smacks he had received. "Regardless, Bombur needs wood and I believe we've gathered enough."

Fili smiled and nodded, following his younger brother to where Bombur had a small fire going. He still never shook off Sam's sadness that he was feeling, as her One it was his obligation to see that she never felt distress when it was in his power to make her smile.

"Thank you boys." Bombur took the wood and soon the fire was to light the whole camp and soon everyone, minus the girls, were fed. None of the dwarves dare to bother the girls, the most they did was at least move them so that they laid on their beds.

* * *

><p>"I still don't understand what Gandalf sees in the other two," Thorin told Dwalin as they took watch over the camp. "True, they have done some good so far but still."<p>

Dwalin nodded in agreement, "Kili told me that they had powers like Sam and that they would be great assets in defeating Smaug." Dwalin had, so far, only seen Zee's powers at work when she tried to slaughter the elf Lindir but Oin had witness Jackie's healing powers and supported Kili's claim.

"Sam loves them dearly," Thorin commented, "I'd imagine they feel the same toward her."

"Ori said that Zee and Sam call themselves sisters to symbolize how close they are, Jackie is almost of the same rank."

"Almost?" Thorin asked, "How is she _almost_?"

Dwalin leaned against a rock, "I was told that she doesn't always understand the other two, apparently Sam commented that Jackie assumed reality a lot more than her." Dwalin shifted himself as he recalled the notes that Ori took of the three friends. "Sam claims that she can see the darkness of the world and will embrace it as it is a necessity for life just as the light is. When the two had discussions of the topic of good and bad, Jackie often made it look like Sam focuses of the negativity."

Thorin listened intently, with how close the girls were he never thought there was a strain anywhere in their relationship. For Sam and Jackie, it was battle of vision toward how the world worked.

"Ori said that Sam enjoys indulging in music and stories as it inspires her to prove the remaining wonders of the world. Sam supposedly feels that Jackie doesn't try to incorporate her spirit in her works."

"Her works?" Thorin asked, "What works?"

"Both girls enjoy telling stories," Dwalin explained to his king, he slightly wished to see Ori's journal so that he could retell the notes to the king. "Sam more than Jackie according to Ori."

Thorin made a grunt, "The more you speak of Ori's observations, the more I see that we all know so little of our female companions."

"I agree." Dwalin nodded, "But we all hardly have the time to speak with the girls, unlike Ori, Fili, and Kili."

"The young always find the time to gossip." Thorin let out a short chuckle, "I'm intrigued about this argument though."

"Between Sam and Jackie?"

"Aye," Thorin found the strain to be interesting and was curious to know from them how they could still be friends despite their conflicting views. "I'm curious of their opinions of each other."

Dwalin couldn't help but grin, "If Zee were to find out I'm sure she'd think we were trying destroy their friendship."

Thorin also held a smile and shook his head, "That one, she's more battle ready than any of us." To him, Zee was always ready to pick a fight with anyone unlucky enough to cross her path. Everything seemed to almost tick her off.

"I do believe that's how she is." Dwalin chuckled, "After all, remember how she also destroyed the dining room our first night in Rivendell?"

Thorin did grin there, "I do and I'm sure the elves surely won't forget the scene any day soon." He may have taken some pride in Zee's drunk episode, it pleased him to see her ruin that dining room. Not to mention he and the dwarves now knew to never give her dwarvish ale. Or any alcoholic beverage for that matter.

The two dwarves returned to their quiet watch, the occasional howl of a wolf or hoot of an owl was the only sounds they heard for a while.

* * *

><p>Saruman had quickly made his leave from Rivendell to reach where Azog and his hunters where waiting for news of the dwarves. As much as he disliked the pale orc, the creature's rage toward the dwarf prince was useful beyond belief.<p>

The orc, when his remaining underlings informed him of the white wizard's arrival, remained where he stood. "_**You bring news of the dwarf-scum?**_" He asked in black speech.

Saruman was not pleased with the more so demand but responded, "The dwarves escaped, they are heading to the Misty Mountains."

Azog was pleased with that, with luck the goblins would catch his prize for him. However, the pale orc saw something in Saruman's dark gaze, something would spell trouble for them. "_**Why do I feel forebode in your presence? What other news do you carry wizard?**_"

Saruman would much rather to eliminate the girls himself but he had other matters to attend to, "The girls you said were traveling with the dwarves, they are the ones I warned you about."

Azog's upper lip curled in disgust, so the wandering wizard had managed to get his so called help to Middle-Earth. "_**What would the chances of them succeeding be?**_"

"Far too great to be taken lightly." Saruman stroked his beard, "They will not be easy to manipulate, and controlling them maybe out of the question."

"_**Then we kill them.**_" One of Azog's underlings suggested, "_**With the dwarf-scum.**_"

Saruman brushed of the underling just as he had done to Sam during the meeting, "They will not be weak, the Valar must have gifted them their own magic."

Azog was not concerned with that, "_**I will see them lay across the ground, bathed in their own blood.**_" He turned his back to the wizard, he knew what he needed to know so he had no need to speak to the wizard any longer. "_**I will have my revenge and soon the master will rise among the weak.**_"

Saruman was no more convinced than he would be if someone told him that pigs had wings. He would not argue though, if Azog was going to kill the girls then let him do as he wished. Saruman would not concern himself with the matter anymore unless Azog failed. "See what you will, I have other concerns to attend to."

Saruman took his leave, for a moment something told him to keep watch over Azog's new mission. He did know that the orc was feared for his brutality but at the same time, Saruman saw the cunning eyes that Sam possessed and who was to say that the other two weren't the same as her. He had wondered if their master would like to keep at least one of the girls, for a benefit but he would need to ask.

But, first things first, he had to go seek out the graves of the Nine. He had to weaken the spells that held them within their graves, once it was weak enough Sauron could release them himself.

Heading Northwest toward Rhudaur, Saruman had to work quickly or he might be caught by Gandalf. That wizard, next to Radagast, Saruman held disgust for the grey wizard as he felt that the wizard was not using his magic for his own purpose. Helping the weak was such a useless task in Saruman's opinion, the world was meant for the strong.

Saruman quickened his trip, the faster he worked then the chances of him being caught in such an early stage of progress would be lessened. After all, what were the chances of those girls knowing for sure that he was not on their side? Judging from how Sam acted, she surely couldn't be that smart much less have the emotional strength to fight him.

Suddenly an idea came to him, those girls could not be that emotionally strong since they were so young. The younger girls were, the more emotionally unstable they were and adding magical powers only added to their instability.

"Perhaps they will be easy enough to deal with." Saruman let a dark smile grace upon his lips, "I must seek Azog again after this."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hi-Ho Hi-Ho! Such a catchy title huh? Lol, so this is an important filler. Zee was so moody in this chapter and I have been assured that she really would do that.<strong>_


	13. Chapter 13

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

**_Chapter 13: The Misty Mountains Cold_**

* * *

><p>The rain thundered down upon the mountain, gallons of water soaked them to the core as they precariously walked along a narrow edge. All the dwarves had trouble walking on the narrow, rock path but Zee could not even stand without fear of slipping off the edge.<p>

"Jackie!" Zee cried to her friend who was three dwarves away, "Jackie, I don't wanna die!"

Jackie and the dwarves found that they missed when Zee was quiet. Jackie didn't bothered to give her an answer, she herself was far to busy trying not to slide off. All the rain made the rock slippery beyond belief and all concentration was on not slipping.

"I'm all about that bass!" Zee started to sing while hyperventilating, "I'm all about that bass!"

"Zenin!" Jackie snapped, "That is not helping!"

"It's helping me!" Zee snapped back, "And you offered no support whatsoever!" Zee then returned to singing only she changed the song to Grenade.

The dwarves hadn't the ability to ask what she was singing but Ori managed to make a note to himself before Bilbo had partially slipped. Dwalin and Bofur managed to save the poor hobbit and Bilbo was so thankful for that.

"We must find shelter!" Thorin shouted to everyone, "There must be a cave near by."

"Then find it!" Zee shouted back from the end of the line, "I do not fancy dying like this thank you very much!"

"Watch out!" Dwalin shouted, before anyone could do anything, however, a huge boulder was thrown at the high rocks above them. Everyone shielded themselves underneath the other rocks.

"This is no thunder storm!" Balin said as he noticed that the mountain was moving, "It's a thunder battle, look!"

The mountains moved again, this time they could see where it was pulling itself from the mountain and taking with it was a another huge boulder.

"Well bless me," Bofur said in amazement as the creature began to heave its weapon, "the legends are true; giants, Stone Giants!"

The giant made a sound, similar to a sort of wail, as it threw the boulder at another giant that was peeking from behind the company. It hit its target with fair precision, right square in the head, and knocked the giant down.

"Take cover!" Thorin called as he and the dwarves hung onto the to mountain, Zee and Jackie nearly cut up their hands from gripping the mountain's rocks.

"Hold on!" Dwalin shouted again as the already narrow path crumbled even more so than before, this was making things worse for the struggling company.

Just then, the piece of mountain they were on started to move, splitting apart between Fili and Kili. The brothers tried to reach for each other but the split between them grew too wide. The company was split in half thanks to the giant they were unknowingly on.

"We're on one!?" Zee shrieked, clutching onto the rock for dear life. At the moment, all remembrance of the book and movie were forgotten in her panic. "Oh what's next!?"

The giant, who was sitting at first, stood but was knocked down by a giant headbutting it. The knees of the stone creature swung toward the mountain, everyone was already thinking that this could be their final moments. Thorin's side of the company took notice that when they crashed into the mountain they happened upon the path again and quickly went to it for safety before the giant could move. If they didn't hurry off of the giant's knees then they would be smashed into the sharp rocks or fall to their untimely demise. That was no honorable way to die.

The two giants began their own fist fight with Fili's half still on the one's knee. Next to their screams, Zee's screeching could be heard and she probably woke the dead. The giant they were on swung at his foe but missed, being given an undercut instead. Another giant threw a boulder at the head the same giant's head, knocking it off right above Thorin's half of the group.

The body of the giant began to crumble, the part where the remaining members still held on swung past Thorin and Zee could be heard screaming a threat to Thorin.

"I blame you for this, Thorin Oakenshield!" She shouted to Thorin as the body of the giant finally crashed down, the knee smashing into the mountain on the pathway. They braced for impact, they assumed they were going to die like this.

When the knee finally collided with the mountain, Thorin screamed for his nephew and heir, "No!" The knee moved away, no one was on it and there was no way to tell if there was blood or anything so Thorin hurried over to see for himself.

"No, Fili!" Thorin hurried over as fast as he could, his part of the group following in fear that they may have lost a little over half of their company.

However, they needed to not worry, for Fili and his group were safe from harm. They were banged up and sore but over all they were perfectly fine and alive.

"Let's never do that again.." Zee panted as she hopped off of Bombur, "That was not awesome.."

Jackie also got up from her spot, she had a nasty bruise growing on her left arm but she would tend to it later. "It could have been worse Zee."

"We're alive!" someone shouted, the reunion of the two sides was joyous for of course a moment.

Bofur looked around in a bit of a panic, "Where's Bilbo?" he asked, "Where's the hobbit?"

Everyone started looking around but it was Zee who peeked over the ledge and saw poor Bilbo danging from it, "Bilbo!" she pointed at where the Hobbit hung on, allowing the others to save him.

Everyone rushed over, all trying to save the the burglar from falling to his death. With the wet rock it was a miracle that Bilbo was holding on for this long. However, Bilbo had slipped and now was a bit further out of reach from the company. Thorin, afraid of losing his only hope of conquering Erebor, leaped down and helped Bilbo to get back up.

Once Bilbo was up on the path with everyone else, Thorin tried to pull himself up but, again, the rock was slick because of the rain. Luckily, Dwalin caught him and was able to pull him back up to safety.

"What a relief," Bofur sighed, "we almost lost our hobbit."

Thorin was quick to turn on Bilbo, who was prepared to apologized for the inconvenience he just caused. "No, that hobbit was lost the minute he left his little hole. He should have never come." And to rub salt into the wound, Thorin added, "He has no place among us."

Zee spared a glance at Bilbo, the unimaginable hurt that was drawn on his face told her everything she needed to know about how he was feeling. She was torn between being quiet and giving Thorin an ass chewing for making the hobbit feel lower than dirt. But, she wouldn't have the time as Thorin and Dwalin found a cave for them to sleep in.

* * *

><p>"They must have faced the stone giants." Sam said as she and Gandalf took a break thanks to the rain storm that was starting to let up. They had also stopped because Sam realized that she could feel the fear that Fili was feeling and it bothered enough to hinder their traveling. "Right now, he is still tense and trying to relax."<p>

Gandalf hummed as he listened to Sam describe what was going on, he did not ever intend that Sam be Fili's One but he was grateful for it nonetheless. What really surprised him was how strong of a connection the two now had. If he tried to send her back home, she would be devastated without Fili.

"They're suppose to be attacked by goblins soon." Sam recalled as she leaned against the tree that protected them from the storm, "How are we suppose to make it in time?"

Gandalf stroked his beard, "I was hoping to not have to do this but it would seem I'd need to send us ahead of the company."

"And why didn't you do that before?" Sam asked, it would have so useful if he had done that a while ago instead of making her walk how many miles or leagues or whatever!

"It will take much of my energy to do so." Gandalf explained, "At least if I do it now, I will still be of some use in a confrontation with Goblins."

"Okay, I'll take that." Sam smiled as she also decided that she too had to help out the wizard, if this weakened him too much. "So whatcha need to do?"

"Just take my hand," He said as he extended his hand toward her, "and close your eyes."

"Uh...okay..." Sam took his hand and did as he had asked, she would not defy him since he should know what he's doing. "Nothing bad is gonna happen right?"

"It shouldn't."

"It shouldn't?" Why did that sound like a fifty/fifty deal there?

* * *

><p>When Zee woke up it was because she heard shuffling from Bilbo, who was sleeping not even a dwarf away from her. He was quickly packing his things and it seemed like he was going to try to abandon them.<p>

Zee would have said something but Bofur, who was half ass keeping watch, stopped the hobbit instead, "Where do you think you're going?" Bilbo had pause and cringed at being caught.

The hobbit turned to Bofur, "Back to Rivendell." He told the dwarf in a hushed tone, his expression stated that he was through with dwarves.

Bofur scurried up to his feet, "You can't turn back now, you're part of the company." Bofur told him, it's actually sad to heard Bofur try to convince Bilbo to stay. "You're one of us."

Bilbo scoffed, "Oh am I?" Bofur was completely taken back by that, "Thorin said I shouldn't have come and he was right."

Thorin now also began to stir a bit, hearing the conversation as well and feeling some remorse as he listened intently.

"I'm not Took I'm a Baggins, I don't know what I was thinking." Bilbo gently let his walking stick touch the ground, "I should have never run out my door."

Bilbo turned to leave but Bofur insisted, "You're home sick, I understand-"

"No you don't!" Bilbo snapped, "You don't understand, none of you do! You're dwarves, you're use to this life, to living on the road, never staying in one place, and never belonging anywhere!"

Bofur gave Bilbo a stoical look, Zee nor Thorin could tell if he was hurt or sad, or anything, It did, however, show Bilbo that his words hit a nerve with the usually cheerful dwarf.

"I-I'm sorry." Bilbo became uncomfortable with the gaze he was getting and cleared his throat.

"No, you're right." Bofur said as he took in the honest words, he turned to look at the company who was still sleeping. "We don't belong anywhere."

Bilbo felt a bit ashamed for speaking what he had said, no matter what had happened to him, Bilbo knew he shouldn't have ever said that.

"I wish you all the luck in the world." Bofur's words had surprised Bilbo a bit and the friendly pat on the back as well. "I really do." Bilbo returned the kind smile he was given and prepared to leave until Bofur noticed that his sword was doing something strange.

Bilbo looked at his sword, pulling it out he saw that it was glowing blue. Remembering what Gandalf had told him about how it was of elvish make and it would glow blue if orcs or goblins were near, Bilbo's eyes grew wide in fear.

Thorin, who also knew what it meant, noticed that there was a line drawing itself on the sandy cave floor. "Wake up!" He shouted.

Zee was the only one to be fully awake as the floor gave way, two doors beneath the group opened and the company tumbled down a hole into a fire lit city full of goblins. They were caught in a trap, why was this adventure one hindrance after another?

The goblins hurried over to where the company was, pulling and yanking them out of the little mouse trap. The dwarves didn't take to be so roughly handled and took to trying to fight off the ugly creatures.

"Stay in the middle!" Gloin hissed to Zee and Jackie, "Goblins love to eat women!"

"Great!" Zee hissed back sarcastically, how many creatures in middle-earth loved to eat women?

While the company was busy fighting off the creatures, still being dragged away to wherever, no one noticed that Bilbo had managed to hide himself. He watched silently as the company disappeared around a corner then tried to follow, only to come face to face with a lone goblin.

* * *

><p>Sam and Gandalf appeared on the other side of the mountain, near another entrance that would lead to the city beneath the mountain.<p>

"They have to be in there already." Gandalf said as he took a look into the cave, "the sun will be rising soon."

"But," Sam countered, knowing that Gandalf was counting on the sunlight. "it's gonna take time to get in there and out."

"True.." he sighed, "And not to mention that Azog had sent out a bounty for Thorin's head."

"Oh yeah," Sam groaned as she propped herself against the wall, "we're just in for some shit aren't we?"

Gandalf didn't answer her, instead he merely entered the cave with her in tow. She didn't mind though, after all it was dark where they were going and she would get lost even if the narrow path went in one direction only.

"So do you have a plan?" Sam asked, "I mean, we can't just waltz in there."

"Don't worry Sam," Sam could hear the smile he was carrying, "we'll be fine getting in."

"Just getting in?" So then that meant he had nothing for getting out? Well, she expected that since the movie showed a chaotic escape. "Alright." Sam focused on mentally preparing herself for what was to come. She didn't want to accidentally hurt any of the company, even with what control she had. She had one hope though, Zee better not aim at the wrong person during all this chaos.

"Your ice will be most useful." Gandalf told her, "The paths they have are narrow and are no more than mere ledges and makeshift bridges."

"That's not what is bothering me." Sam told the wizard, "It's Zee, she absolutely hates the goblins! The king especially!"

"Ah, I can believe that."

* * *

><p>The goblins pushed the company toward a huge goblin who was hacking and coughing, looking like he was the living embodiment of every disease possible. Heavily obese with warts, boils, scabs, almost rotting like skin, he was no sight to behold. Everyone was unable to notice the sight of thousands of goblins, all of whom were watching from afar with interest and eager to know what was going to happen to these dwarves.<p>

The dwarves were putting up a fight, even though it was doing little to help them, and Zee was, luckily, too busy trying to blend with the dwarves to make any smart remark. Jackie, however, was confused with the large creature and this strange kingdom. She wasn't the one who knew the book nor movies.

"Zee," she whispered, she made sure to keep her head down as they were pushed and shoved. "what is this place?"

"The Goblin Kingdom, "Zee answered back, she hadn't realized that Ori, who was behind them, was listening to them. "we're being presented to the Goblin King."

"Was this a part of the story?" Jackie asked but she never got her answer as the company was finally beneath the gaze of the disgusting and vile Goblin King.

Quite literally hopping and stomping off his makeshift throne, the Goblin King eyed the company with suspicion. "Who would be so bold to come armed into my kingdom? Spies? Thieves? Assassins?!"

Zee rolled her eyes, he had the nerve to think that he was worth the effort that would be required to kill him.

"Dwarves, your malevolence." a small goblin said to his king.

"Dwarves?" he looked at them in a rather wannabe threatening way, it really only served to disgust the company more.

"We found them on the front porch."

"Well don't just stand there," The king told them, "search them! Every crack, every crevice."

The goblins started tearing at the dwarves clothes and putting their grimy hands into their pockets to pull out anything they could. One even grabbed Oin's trumpet and smashed it flat. The girls did their best to blend in but it was incredibly hard since these damnable creatures were being touchy. It came to the point that Zee grabbed Jackie and they both laid flat on the floor. No one noticed and that was exactly what they wanted.

When they were done, the king asked, "What are you doing in these parts?" None of the dwarves answered him, no way they were compromising their quest. "Speak!"

Still no one spoke a word, not even a whisper was heard among the dwarves.

"Very well!" The king decided, "If they will not talk, we'll make them squawk!"

The crowd of goblins cheered with sheer delight, torture was always their favorite game when it came to visitors.

"Bring up the Mangler, bring up the Bone Breaker!" he told the crowds, he turned and pointed at Ori, "Start with the youngest!"

"OH HELL NAW!" Zee jumped up from the floor, forgetting that she was suppose to be hiding, and her wannabe ghetto side came. "THERE AIN'T NO WAY YOU BE TOUCHIN' MY CARDIGAN LOVING NERD!"

All the dwarves turned and looked at Zee, while it was flattering to Ori that she cared about him, the fact she just sold herself out just greatly pissed the dwarves off. Luckily, Jackie stayed down and moved away from Zee to avoid being noticed as well.

Zee looked around, noticing that everyone was looking at her. "What?" she was almost offended that they were not cheering her on but then she looked up at the Goblin King and it finally clicked, "Ah fuck...!"

"A woman?" The king grinned, like the dwarves had warned, goblins found women's flesh to be a delicacy. "Bring her to me!"

The goblins started reaching for Zee, all while she was complaining, "Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me!" she froze in her spot and shouted when one goblin jerked her arm. "STOP TOUCHING ME! I KEEL YOU!"

"Leave her alone!" Kili grabbed the goblin and threw it off the edge. Fili also threw off some other goblins that were reaching for his soon to be sister-in-law. "No one touches her!"

"Defiance!" The king stomped his foot, causing everyone to fall to the floor and accidentally revealing Jackie to the goblins, "Another?! Bring them both!"

"Wait!" The goblins stopped and Thorin came forward.

"Well, well, well." The goblin said in a patronizing tone, "Look who it is. Thorin, son of Thrain, Son of Thror. King under the mountain." The Goblin King mockingly bowed before Thorin.

Thorin just watched with no interest and utter disgust, he knew the mocking tone well.

"Oh!" He added, "But I'm forgetting that you don't have a mountain. And you're not a king, which makes you nobody really."

"The fuck did this fat fucktard say?!" Zee shouted back indignantly.

"How dare this little girl insult a true king!" The Goblin King waved his weird staff at her.

"How dare you insult me with your hideous and horrendous figure but we can't help what the gods give us!" She snapped her fingers in a form of the letter Z, what she dubbed her 'Z snap'. "Am I right!?" she looked at the dwarves, expecting their agreement.

"Bring me that wench-"

Zee gasped in total insult, she puffed out her chest and proudly declared, "Well then! With the power invested in me, I wish for the fleas of a thousand wargs to infest the crotch of this grisly twat before me and may his arms be chopped off so that he cannot scratch it."

Everyone fell silent except for Jackie, who had started crying from laughing too hard. Zee turned to Jackie and also began to laugh, the insult used had been inspired from a picture Jackie had found on Instagram and had been something Zee wanted to say to someone for a long time.

"Z-Zee!" Fili and Kili looked at the two, they partially wanted to laugh but the image was too disgusting. "You're not helping yourself here!"

"They are not your first priority," Thorin told the Goblin King, putting himself in front of Zee. Sam would have his head if he didn't try to protect her friends and also they were part of the company, treated well among the dwarves .

The Goblin King scoffed, "I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head." he smiled at Thorin. "Just a head, nothing attached."

Thorin gave him still an insulted look but also confused, he could not recall who could want his head but then again, Gandalf mentioned it too a while back. When they first met at the Prancing Pony in Bree, it was a bounty written in black speech if Thorin remembered correctly.

"Perhaps you know of whom I speak." The Goblin King eased back, his grin widening with glee. "An old enemy of yours. A pale orc, astride a white warg."

Thorin refused to believe that it was true, it couldn't be true! "Azog The Defiler was destroyed, he was slain in battle long ago!" He had to have killed Azog, if he didn't kill that damn orc then his grandfather's soul was not at rest nor has it been since that day.

The Goblin King smiled, "So you think his defiling days are done do you?" Turning to his little messenger he chuckled, "Send word to the pale orc. Tell him that I have found his prizes."

The messenger quickly scribbled down the message and swung off to send it to the orc. He surely wasn't that far off since he was heard to be near the mountain.

"Gandalf this is fucking dark!" Sam whispered, the dark was something that Sam was greatly afraid. "Do something!" She knew he could use his staff as a flashlight! She's seen it in the movies!

"It will ruin everything." he whispered back, just after he spoke they heard a whizzing noise above them. It was the little messenger goblin on his little swing.

"That's the messenger." Sam gasped, "They're already sending word to Azog!"

"And if he's going this way then Azog must be close." Gandalf grabbed Sam's hand again, "It may drain what energy I have left but, we must teleport to the throne room."

"Will you be able to still fight?" Sam asked worriedly, she was still going to let him do what he wanted but she needed to know just in case. She didn't want to pressure him to fight the goblins if he couldn't.

"It's only magical energy I'll be losing, I'll still be able to fend for myself, though not for long." Gandalf tightened his grip, "Are you ready?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah, so a big, bright ball of light then attack?" Just so she was aware of what was happening and not out of the loop.

"Yes, don't use your fire but your ice will be fine." he smiled back at her even though she wouldn't be able to see it. "Remember to close your eyes."

"Okay but, don't let anything bad happen or I will kill you myself." Sam grinned, pleased with her empty threat, and listened to his command, "Or Zee will do it for me." Or Fili if he managed to survive whatever chaos was coming, but Zee was a more reliable defender.

"I have no doubt!" Gandalf expected the response as the two girls were quite abnormally threatening. Makes one wonder how they became friends with the quiet Jackie but, then again, that probably was what intrigued the quiet one.

"Let's save those insufferable dwarves!" Sam grinned, sure it was an insult but what did she care?

* * *

><p><em><strong>So the flea of a thousand wargs and grisly twat comment are a bit much to say but I did not invent those sayings. The grisly twat came from my mother's friend who had called a business rival that, The fleas came from a photo that originally said "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotches of my enemies and may their arms be too short to scratch them."<strong>_

_**TurnerzNikes has been waiting to use such insults so I figured that everyone needed to see her at her finest!**_


	14. Chapter 14

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 14: Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Let's Fuck-ing Go!**_

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><p>Zee and Jackie were brought next to the Goblin King's throne, he planned on saving them for the grand dinner he ordered to be prepared. Once Azog claimed his prize, the king would feast on the two girls as his own personal reward to himself.<p>

As he happily sung his sickening song, dancing on the other goblins, a little goblin had curiously opened Thorin's sword. It didn't know that the sword was the infamous Orcrist so when the sheath was barely pulled off it screeched in fear, throwing it before the king.

"Gah!" The king cowered away from the sword, climbing onto his throne. "I know that sword! It is the Goblin Cleaver, the Biter!"

The goblins began to panic and fall into a frenzy and they began attacking the dwarves rather viciously. Zee and Jackie also were getting roughly grabbed and scratched by the disgusting creatures. They were getting beaten with thick ropes and tackled down, even Thorin found himself on the floor with a goblin on top of him.

"The blade that sliced us out! Slice them, eat them, kill them! Kill them all!" The Goblin King pointed at Thorin and demanded, "Cut off his head!"

A goblin had his knife risen over his head, ready to stab Thorin, when a blinding ball of light appeared and the winds knocked everyone down. The fires partially had blown out but when they regain their light, the two figures of Gandalf and Sam had appeared.

Sam rushed over to Zee and Jackie, pulling them up from the floor even though they were still a bit dazed.

"Take up arms." Gandalf said to the dwarves, "Fight. Fight!"

The dwarves recovered from their daze and began pushing off the goblins and retaking their weapons. Zee and Jackie also finally snapped out of their daze and could barely have a reunion with Sam.

"You're back!" Zee hugged Sam but then a goblin tried to tackle them. "You left me you bitch!"

Sam shot a blast of ice at the creature, freezing it to death. "Hugs later, we gotta go!" The girls hurried to follow Gandalf and the dwarves. The way out was going to be rough and getting lost wasn't on their agenda.

"Follow the grey man!" Zee pointed at Gandalf as they either shoved or punched off the goblins. "I KEEL GOBLINS!"

Sam grabbed Jackie and they both hid behind Zee, "I'd like to not be in the line of fire again." Sam had said to Jackie when questioned.

"Ah!" Jackie nodded in agreement, "Good choice, good choice!"

The two stayed behind their homicidal friend, true, Sam also helped by freezing the goblins and some of the bridges to keep them from following but Zee was almost as resourceful as the dwarves. With her telekinesis powers, she had some of the most random shit being thrown around at the goblins (including other goblins.).

They hurried off on a narrow, makeshift bridge while being both pursued and approached by furious goblins. Of course they had a few mishaps, mainly because some goblins decided to attack them and their elimination was required.

For instance, they happened to have followed Dwalin into a herd of goblins and it was decided to push the goblins off the bridges by swinging a log in the same wiping motion as a windshield wiper. The girls also contributed to the cause as some goblins had tried to jump over Dwalin and Zee managed to throw them overboard.

"How many of these ugly bastards are there?!" Zee growled in an annoyed, mock British accent as they now followed Kili, who was pushing away oncoming goblins with a ladder he found. "Seriously, can't these inbred motherfuckers just get lost?"

"Oh!" Sam replied back sarcastically, "But that would be too easy for us Zee!"

What was the worse part of their escape was when they had to cut one side of a bridge and swing to the other side of the cavern. Sam and Jackie jumped off with the first half of the company while Zee, for some reason, decided to stay on a moment longer.

"Ugh!" Zee groaned when she finally jumped off, "I do not ever want to do that again!"

"Why'd you stay?" Sam and Jackie asked as they both carried her away to another bridge. The goblins seemed to be so incredibly bound and determined to keep them.

Suddenly, the Goblin King came up from under a bridge they were on. He stood up, bubbling fat and all, and looked down at the company.

"So you thought you could escape my kingdom?" He mocked as he swung his staff at Gandalf, who had been in the lead at the moment, pushing the older man onto the dwarves behind him. "What are you gonna do now, wizard?"

Gandalf pushed himself at the Goblin King and jabbed the fat monster in the eye with his staff. With the creature crying in pain, Gandalf sliced open a layer of the king's stomach.

Holding the wound, the Goblin King nodded, "That'll do it." Gandalf sliced the Goblin King's throat, the large corpse now added weight to the weak bridge causing it to break from its supports.

"Hold on!" Thorin called as they slid down the cave's wall, everyone grabbed on to pieces of wood in hopes of not falling off.

"We're gonna die!" Zee grabbed Sam and Jackie and hugged them tightly, "Just know I love you two so much! And I'm going to miss your mom's lasagna, Sam!"

"We are not going to die!" Sam snapped at her friend, they knew what was gonna happen so Zee needed to relax. "You're not getting it anymore anyways, Zee!"

"Brace for impact!" Gandalf shouted just before they crashed at the bottom. The girls, having not grabbed onto anything except each other, sort of flung off the bridge onto the cold hard ground.

"Fuck!" Sam and Zee groaned, Jackie had a softer landing on top of the two. "Jackie, why?!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Jackie said as she hurried off of the two, they groaned even more.

Gandalf came out of the wreckage and looked at the dwarves, who also sounded no different than Sam and Zee.

Bofur looked around from where he was and said, "Well, that could have been worse."

Just then, the corpse of the deceased Goblin King fell on top of the wreckage. The dwarves were still, sadly, in the wreckage when that event occurred and now their bruises have bruises.

"You've got to be joking!" Dwalin grunted as he and another dwarf came out from the extra weight.

Fili was quick to crawl out and hurry to Sam, checking her for injuries. "Did you get hurt?"

"Calm down, Fili," Sam laughed nervously, "I'm gonna get hurt anyways, just relax."

Fili seemed bothered by that answer but smiled back, it was such a tender moment until Zee made a comment.

"Oh, so cheesy and romantic huh, Jackie?" Zee grinned at Jackie while Jackie just put her hands up.

"Thanks..." they both glared at Zee but then Kili pointed out that the goblins were on their way to finish them off.

"There's too many, we can't fight them!" Dwalin told Gandalf.

"Only one thing will save us, daylight!" Gandalf ushered everyone to the same tunnel that he and Sam had used to come in.

There was no need for light as the entrance acted at a compass for them. Somewhere along the way, the goblins stopped chasing them but still they hurried out of the cave. They were wanting nothing more than to see the light of day again.

"Oh sweet, sweet light!" Zee cried as they all ran down to a small clearing. "Oh, how I miss the light of day!"

Gandalf stopped and counted everyone by their names, he was relieved until he realized that Bilbo was missing.

"Where is Bilbo?" he asked, the other dwarves and girls looked around in shock. "Where is our hobbit!?"

"Did he get lost?" Jackie asked, concerned for the hobbit they all liked.

"Was he even with us?" Zee asked Ori and Kili, "I remember he was there when we fell down there but after that..."

"I'll tell you what happened," Thorin said accusingly, like he was trying to place some blame on Bilbo, "the hobbit saw an opportunity and he took it. He wasn't made for the rough life and he took his chance to head back to his little hobbit hole."

Sam was about to snap at Thorin, which was gonna make her lose brownie points, but she took offense to what he said about the sweet hobbit. Bilbo was a kind and devoted hobbit, not to mention the poor guy held feelings for the cold king. Feelings that Thorin did not deserve to be granted.

However, Bilbo interrupted the big speech by coming out from behind a tree.

"Bilbo!" The girls rushed over to Bilbo and hugged him while Gandalf sighed in relief, "We were worried!""

Bilbo blushed a bit, "Th-Thank you for your concern!"

"We were afraid for you!" Zee pulled away, "Regret what you said now huh?" she turned toward Thorin mockingly.

"How did you escape?" One of the dwarves asked curiously.

Bilbo laughed nervously and stuffed something into his coat pocket, something that caught Gandalf's attention but he didn't bring it up.

"What does it matter?" Gandalf asked, "He's back and that's all that matters."

"It does matter." Thorin came forward and asked, "Why did you come back?"

Bilbo looked a bit uncomfortable but answered, "W-Well, you were right. I wasn't made to travel the wilderness and I do miss my hobbit hole with all it's comforts. And that's why I'm staying."

Thorin gave Bilbo a strange look as he took in Bilbo's words, how did his hobbit hole inspire him to stay among them.

"You don't have a home, it was stolen from you, and I want to do whatever I can to help you get it back." Bilbo smiled at Thorin a bit, hoping he might not get shunned again.

Thorin was visibly touched by Bilbo's kind speech but, just as he was about to express his feelings about it, the sound of wargs howling in the distance caught everyone's attention.

"That better not be who I think it is..." Zee whispered to Sam as they backed away ever so slowly. The other dwarves also backed away a bit while Gandalf and Thorin's minds both seemed to be in sync.

"Out of the frying pan." Thorin said to Gandalf.

"And into the fire." Gandalf finished gravely as they now started running toward the cliff that was oh so conveniently in their way.

"To the trees!" Zee exclaimed as she practically jumped and, somehow, manage to catch a branch that she could use to climb into the tree. Sam and Jackie followed Zee into her tree with Fili and Kili, all could see the wargs coming toward the cliff.

"Are we gonna die now?" Jackie asked Sam and Zee while they all clutch the trunk of the tree. The trees were thankfully tall but the wargs were able to jump up just a little below everyone's feet.

"With the way these fuckers are jumping," Zee said as she looked down at the oversized wolves, "the tree is bound to uproot soon."

"Then we'll jump," Kili said as he grabbed Jackie and hoisted her on his back, the tree was already beginning to uproot. "to the next tree!"

Fili grabbed Sam's waist as a mean to keep her close and, when the tree collided with another, they all jumped into the new one's branches. However, the wargs relentless attack the trees to make them fall, in hopes that the dwarves would fall out of the trees.

"These oversized bastards!" Zee screech as they hit the very last tree that was conveniently standing a foot, or more, on the edge of the cliff. She looked up at Gandalf and saw him lighting the pine cones, "Sam! Your fire!"

Sam looked at Zee then at her left hand before extending it toward the attacking creatures. She let her fire blast out at them, the wargs fled from the tree but they hadn't roamed far. They waited by the small ledge just across the way, they looked toward the orc pack behind them, as if waiting for a command.

"Someone tell me this isn't so..." Sam breathed as Azog and his white warg appeared on the ledge, he looked toward them with sickening delight.

"Azog," Sam and Zee said in unison, "the defiler." Neither of the girls noticed that the dwarves heard them but it hardly mattered as Thorin was more upset over the orc still being alive.

Azog spoke to them in black speech, though they could not speak black speech Sam and Zee knew exactly what he was saying. He was mocking Thorin and his father and grandfather, he was trying to provoke Thorin into a battle that would very much end the king's life.

" This really doesn't look good." Jackie said as she hugged the tree, "What do we do?"

Before anyone could answer her, the tree made a loud crunch beneath them. The tree started to move toward the cliff's edge and the dwarves were not prepared for the tree to fall. Some of the dwarves were knocked from the branches, only able to hold for dear life because the others managed to grab them. Sam and Zee were one of the few to be in that predicament.

"Eek!" they screamed as Fili and Kili managed to hold them in place. "Oh god!"

"Hold on!" Kili said to them as he struggled to pull Zee up. "I can't grip anything Fili!"

Fili looked at Sam in fear, "Don't worry, we won't drop you!" The concern in his voice only served to worry Sam and Zee, they knew he wasn't sure if he was right.

"Can't you move yourself up here Zee?" Kili asked her, "with your powers and all?"

"Our powers can't work right in these situations yet!" Sam said, Hérion had told them that their powers needed a certain amount of time to properly mature and handle certain situations, like the one they were in at the moment. Zee's needed more time as her powers were more complicated than Sam's, Sam and Jackie were almost to their maturity.

"Oh mygod! Am I slipping?!" Zee asked as she notice that her hand was becoming sweaty. "Kili, please don't drop me!"

"I'm trying!" Kili grabbed her by the arm with his other hand as his arm was getting tired and tried to pull her closer, "Just hold on."

"What else can I do?!" she snapped at him, still slipping, "Oh my god, I'm too young to die!"

While the boys were busy with Sam and Zee, Jackie noticed Thorin rushing toward Azog. "Ah! Thorin!"

"What?!" Zee barked at Jackie, she was getting annoyed with everyone at this point. "What the hell did he do now?!"

"He went over to Azog!" Jackie told them, it was a quick second before she screamed, "Azog's gonna kill him!"

"WHAT!?" Fili and Kili unintentionally loosened their grips, causing Sam and Zee to slip a bit. "Whoa!"

"What was that for!" Zee cried, "Come on, we don't wanna die!"

"Sorry!" The brothers said as they used both of their hands to hold the girls. "Damn it!"

Sam looked over toward Ori and Dori, they were already slipping as well and, by now, Gandalf had already called to Gwaihir and his fellow eagles. They would be safe to fall when Ori and Dori did, as unappealing as it would be.

"Fili..." Sam was going to need to plead with the prince, she knew too well he would not like this. "Do you trust me?"

"Why?" He asked, not liking the strange look in her eyes. "Why, Sam? Why do you ask me this?"

"I need you to trust me, okay?" Sam looked over at Ori and Dori again, she waited until they finally slipped off of Gandalf's staff to let go of Fili's hand.

"No!" Fili tried to grab her as she fell, "No, Sam!"

Sam only closed her eyes, hoping to whatever god that the eagles would come. And thank goodness to whom ever answered her as she felt the plush softness of the bird's feathers. Looking around, feeling the cold wind against her flushed cheeks, Sam saw the three look at her in shock and disbelief. Along with that, she saw where Bilbo had already hurried out to protect Thorin and where the eagles were helping fend off the orcs.

"You crazy bitch!" Zee shouted at her, in her relief she did laugh a bit before she slipped out of Kili's grip. "Shit!"

Sam's Eagle flew back for Zee, catching her just as he had caught Sam. Sam hurried to Zee and hugged her, "We're gonna make it!" the two shared the embrace until Zee made an _**ugh**_ sound.

"One problem." Zee sound like she was gonna puke, "Motion sickness!"

"Oh!" Sam let Zee lay down on the eagle, "Just relax Zee, you'll be okay."

"Sam!" Sam turned around to see Jackie was on an eagle with Ori .and Dori. "Zee! Is she okay?"

"She's a bit sick, she'll be good though." Sam waved to Jackie when she noticed that Fili and Kili were flying beside her eagle, she could feel the anger boiling in Fili and she made it known to him through their bond that she really hadn't meant to freak him out so bad. She took note of the anger rising so she tried to just ignore him, they were alive and she knew the eagles were coming for them.

"I told him about this.." Sam said to herself, forgetting that Zee was next to her.

"You told who what?" Zee asked groggily, "Sam?"

Sam looked away and reluctantly answered Zee, "Fili, I told him about us..like I wasn't suppose to..." Sam sheepishly smiled at Zee who looked up at her in disbelief. "Shit happens."

Unable to yell at her, Zee just said, "You're a fucking bitch."

"You'd do the same thing for Legolas!" Sam hissed at Zee, who managed to prop herself in rage.

"Hey, don't be bringing my-erm!" Zee had to stop mid-sentence to prevent the vomit in her throat from surfacing, "golden elf into this." she finished weakly.

"Look, if I'm to have a real relationship with Fili I couldn't keep lying to him." Sam told Zee as she moved away to give her friend space, "You know I can't lie to someone I care about..."

"That sounded so cheesy-ugh!" Zee pressed her face into the eagle's back, willing away the nausea. "Oh my god, remind me to never do this again unless it's one hundred percent necessary."

"You know, considering I'm the one with the fear of flying, I'm taking this mighty well." Sam said, feeling proud of herself, "This isn't all that bad."

"Imma kick you when I get better." Zee gave a small laugh when Sam gasped, it reminded her of when they would sit at Sam's apartment and just talk about random things. "Do you think we should tell them?"

"Tell them?" Sam asked, "You mean the company?"

"Yeah, you already told Fili and no doubt he can't keep a secret from Kili." Zee reasoned, "Maybe it's time to say something."

"I don't know if we can handle that kind of situation." Sam sighed, she wasn't always up for a confrontation. "I think we should hint at it."

"Is that really the best?" Zee asked, her sickness was starting to go away, "You know what, sure. That'll work."

"You sound unsure?" Sam laughed a bit, this was what it was like talking to a sick Zee. "Just don't mention the elves. We'll act like it wasn't gonna happen."

Zee smiled a bit, "What happened to not lying?"

Sam rolled her eyes, "Shut up, what could we say in that event? They'd get mad at us if they knew."

Zee nodded, "Yeah I guess." she rolled over and watched the sky, "So not as fun as fanfics make it."

With a smile Sam looked up and saw Carrock in the distance. "Hey, we're gonna land soon Zee."

"Yes please!" Zee groaned, "Oh, I missed sweet land."

Sam didn't make a comment, she was a bit afraid to tell Zee that they were actually landing on that tall rock formation and not on solid land.

"You're being quiet, it worries me." Zee said, lifting herself up a bit, "What's wrong?"

Sam rolled her eyes, she was suppose to be the forgetful one. "We're landing on Carrock, remember?"

"Carrock?" Zee said, the word was familiar but what it was couldn't come to mind, "Carrock, Carrock, Car-" She stopped and stared at Sam with wide eyes?

"Yeah.." Sam twiddled her thumbs a bit as she looked away, "I do believe that makes it an issue huh?"

Zee hurried to the ear of the eagle and told him to drop them on the ground. However, the eagle wasn't able to reach the ground so he left them on Carrock just like the others.

"I hate this so much." Zee said as she stood on the rock, "I know where I rank in this world."

Sam shrugged and did her best to not be bothered by the height, of course she was wondering if her fear of heights was easier to confront over Fili being mad at her for being reckless.

"Why would you do that?" Fili demanded, Sam felt like she was being scolded by her father and that wasn't something she liked at all. "You could have died!"

Sam cringed but pleaded with Fili, "Can't we talk about this later in private please?" Sure, the dwarves had heard her and Zee in the tree but she hadn't known that. All she knew was that she didn't want Fili to raise that alarm at the moment.

"You could have died." he said in a lower voice, "Don't you ever do that again."

"Fili, please calm down." Sam begged softly, She never thought that Fili would get this mad. "Please, I know what I'm doing."

Fili shook his head and walked away, intending on seeing how his uncle was after the abuse the older dwarf received. He was furious with Sam but he knew better than to completely yell at her. She did tell him that she knew things that he couldn't know but now he felt that he did need to know. He didn't want her to take unnecessary risks like that again.

Jackie was the only one who wasn't involve in Sam's little drama, she was caught in Thorin's confession toward Bilbo. She found it so touching that Thorin was actually being nice to Bilbo, for once!

"Is that...?" Bilbo breathed after he and Thorin embraced and he caught sight of something behind the king.

"Ah." Gandalf came closer to the two, he hadn't noticed that Erebor stood so far and yet so close to where they were. "The last of the dwarvish kingdoms, the Lonely Mountain."

"Erebor.." Thorin said in awe, how long had it been since he last saw it in the distance like this? It felt like it had been an eternity and yet, it was not such a distant memory. "Our home."

Everyone gazed in awe at the solitary peak, it was still far but they were closer than they ever had been before. Their home was not so far away, it seemed like they all could just reach out and touch it, like a dream.

"I believe the worse is behind us." Bilbo said to Thorin with a comforting smile, though he and everyone knew that this was only the beginning. Beginning of things that they could cherish or regret, things that definitely would change them.

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><p><em><strong>I have returned! I wanted to post this last month but Imma a lazy bitch so I don't care. Hope You enjoy it and good night!<strong>_


	15. Chapter 15

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 15: The Bathing Incident**_

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><p>The company had traveled for a while, they hadn't counted the days since Carrock. They had been too tired to care about counting and whatnot. Truth be told, the company really just need a long bath. The dwarves reeked of sweat and gunk from their travels, the girls were so disgusted with all the muck on their skin that more than once they had resorted to trying to scratch at the dirt on their arms.<p>

"Ew." Zee said with each scratch she made, "Ew. Ew, EEWW!"

Sam was vigorously scrunching the roots of her hair, she hated when her hair got so oily that her hands would have a sheen of oil from rubbing it. "Oh my god!" Sam whined loudly, "This sucks!"

Jackie was muttering and cursing in Spanish as she furiously rubbed her face with her already filthy shirt. "¡hijo de puta!" she swore, her sun kissed skin was turning a bright red from her scratching.

Oin had to tend to the girls, giving some ointments to Zee and Jackie for their irritated skin. It was tiring as those two gave themselves new wounds daily.

"Will you please stop that!" Thorin snapped at the trio, "It's absolutely bothersome."

Each girl froze, Sam still had her hands in her hair, Zee still gnawing at her arm, and Jackie had her shirt over her nose like an innocent assassin.

"Shut the fuck up, Thorny." Sam grumble like a five year old.

"Piss off, Royal Arse." Zee growled at the king.

Jackie, being the most innocent, just said, "Huh?"

Thorin stared back in utter offense toward the two names Sam and Zee called him. He wanted to demand that they respect him as king but then he might get more insulting names in return. "Fili, deal with your woman and her companions."

"Thorin, deal with the stick up your ass and the prickles that accompany it." Zee mimicked his accent and tone, "You're speaking about said women like they are things."

Thorin ignored Zee and Fili and Kili did come to the trio to help keep them from their fidgeting. Of course, they had absolutely no luck there.

"Please tell me we can bathe soon!" Sam and Zee shouted at the brothers when they were asked to stop again. "Then we'll stop." they added in a whisper.

Gandalf, out of annoyance, disappeared from the group and where he went was unknown to all. All that could be assumed was that he also had enough of the girls' incessant fussing.

"How can you dwarves stand this being this filthy!" Zee hissing as she as she started rubbing her hands on her wounds, "You're so disgusting!"

"Life on the road requires sacrifices of certain privileges." Balin explained as he walked past the girls, "You'll get use to it eventually."

Sam and Zee gave the older dwarf a glare and mumbled, "No." If they didn't get a bath soon they would probably end up bathing in the dwarves' blood.

* * *

><p>When Gandalf had returned he made mentioning of a river that the girls could use for a bath. In their eagerness for any water that could rid them of this funk, the girls squealed in delight and almost rushed to find the river when Gandalf had added that they needed guards.<p>

"Really?" Zee asked, she was not fond of the idea of a dwarf being near enough to peek. "This is not awesome."

"But it is necessary." Gandalf told her, "This is the wild and there are men who will try to hurt you if they see you."

Sam grabbed Zee's shoulder to prevent her from saying anything else, "We need a bath dude, I could give a rat's ass over a few guards."

"Fine." Zee sighed, giving in, "But they can't peek!"

"Not like they want to." Jackie told the brunette as she headed in the direction of the river, "If anyone's peeking, it's gonna be Fili because he's never seen Sam-"

Sam, out of shock and embarrassment, punch Jackie in the head and dragged her and Zee to the river and away from the company. Why was it that Jackie was starting to be as blunt as Zee now?! They were influencing Jackie far too much, pretty soon she wasn't going to the innocent nor logical one anymore.

When the girls arrived at the river, the crystal clear water called to them all. They all knew the water was going to be freezing, something Sam normally hate as she loved hot baths and showers, but their condition of filth had them not caring of temperature at all. Besides, it was a hot day.

"Off with the clothes!" Zee said as she hurried to get undress, tripping over her own clothes. "Damn it! I said OFF!"

Sam and Jackie were much more kinder to their clothes, taking time to remove them so that they don't accidentally rip. Of course, being still a bit self conscious, the two decided for one to go in first and look away until the other was submerged in the water.

"It's actually not that bad." Sam said, as she swam around a bit, "It's not too cold."

"Yeah.." Jackie agreed, swimming around a bit as well, "Wait, it's awfully quiet. Where's Zee?"

The two girls looked around, seeing no sign of their friend until...

"CANNON BALL!" Zee ran toward the river, stark naked, and Sam and Jackie immediately swam away as she prepared to jump in. The splash from her jump was rather impressive , submersing Jackie and Sam under water for only a minute. "That was awesome."

Sam came up from under the waves and coughed, "A warning would have been nice!"

"I did give a warning!" Zee argued as she gather some sand from the bank to use as a sort of loofah sponge, "You two need better reflexes."

Sam ignored that comment and got to work on cleaning her hair, submerging herself several times and scratching off all the dirt and grim as best as she could. She would kill for a bottle of shampoo and soap.

"This is too quiet." Sam hear Zee say when she came up for air, "We need music!"

"Music?" Jackie laughed, "How? None of us have our IPods or IPhones in your case."

"Samantha!" Zee grinned, pointing at Sam like a little kid demanding a certain object. "You can sing better than me, sing for us!"

Sam blushed and shook her head, "No way! I can't sing!"

Zee glared at Sam, "Yes you can, better than me anyways." Zee put on a puppy dog face and pleaded sweetly, "Pwease?"

"No." Sam shook her head and returned to washing her hair, unaware that Zee had a back up plan that was sure to get the girl to sing.

"You know Sam," Zee said smugly when Sam came up again, "I wonder if Fili knows of what lovely ladies you have on your chest."

Sam froze where she was, if there was one thing Sam was self conscious of was her chest size but not in a way most girls were. She disliked that they were a bit on the busty side and still growing for that matter, leave it to a devious Zee to use that against her.

"Maybe I should cause a panic so he can see!" Zee grinned wickedly, "Unless, of course, you decide to sing..."

Sam glared over at Zee, "I hate you so much." Sam took in a deep breath and sighed, "Alright fine."

"Yay!" Zee clapped her hands while Jackie just shook her head, it was always best to stay out of Sam and Zee little spats. "No Frozen songs!"

Sam groaned, "Those were the only songs I really know though!"

Zee stood firm by her order, "You sung a Tangled song for Jackie if my memory served right, which one was it?"

Sam silently swore that she was going to murder Zee next time she pulled an evil trick like this again, sometimes she felt like her mother's partial humoring of Zee turned her into a slight brat.

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><p>By the time Sam had been allowed to stop singing, they had just finished drying their clothes from their quick wash. They were going to put on dirty clothes when they were clean or, at least, clean of some degree.<p>

"Man, I feel so much better!" Zee said as she stretched her arms above her head, "I feel like a woman again."

Sam shook her head and headed back to the small camp the dwarves made for the stop, Jackie and Zee were a bit tied up with Zee's corset that the elves gave her.

"Hello everyone!" Sam chirped when she came into their line of sight, "How are you all?"

Bofur smiled back at her, giving her a toothy grin, "At least you're out before they could do anything!"

"What?" Sam asked, entirely confused, "What are you talking about Bofur?"

Bofur refused to explain further and none of the other dwarves seemed to wanna talk either. Sam eventually noticed that Bilbo was doing a mighty fine job looking as nervous as can be. Actually, Bilbo and Ori were both being rather fidgety in their little corner.

"Bilbo, Ori." They both cringed when she said their names, "What is Bofur talking about?"

They stayed absolutely silent, she could see where they would risk a glance at the rest of the company and just as quickly look away.

"He's talking nonsense!" Ori told her nervously, "It's nothing.."

"Ori, I don't appreciate being lied to." She let her tone darken a bit, she hated having to use this tone with him but, it was that only ways she'd get anything.

"We tried to stop them!" Ori and Bilbo finally cracked, "We tried, we swear!"

"Traitors!" Dwalin growled at them, the other dwarves were in shock as two of their companions broke so easily to Sam.

"Stop who?" Sam asked, "Stop who from what?"

"Fili and Kili are gonna pull a prank on you, Zee, and Jackie." Bilbo explained hurriedly, "They found a snake and-"

"GOD DAMN IT!" They heard Zee scream, "WHERE THE FUCK DID THE SNAKE COME FROM?!"

Sam glared at the obviously guilt company who were letting out belly laughs, "You let them do that?"

"Just a little prank." Nori muttered a bit, hoping to not feel her wrath of ice and fire.

"Well then," Sam sighed, she really didn't want to deal with this. She was not a mother to any of these dwarves but it seemed like they'd be needing that type of figure head at this point. "I'll have to have a word with Fili and I'll just have to let Zee punish you guys however she sees fit."

"What?!" The dwarves groaned, with her powers, who could know what she'd do to them. "You can't be serious!"

Sam looked at them funny, now she realized how much their whining rubbed off on the dwarves. "Are we really that annoying?" She asked teasingly, earning glares from the dwarves as she headed off to find her fiance and soon-to-be brother-in-law.

She found them just a bit a ways from the snake event, trying hard not to laugh too loud. She waited a minute, letting them think they got away with their little crime until she made herself known.

Clearing her throat, the two brother looked at her in shock, "S-Sam!"

"Word of advice: keep poor Bilbo and Ori out of your schemes." She said as she leaned against a tree trunk, "And really? Drop a snake on Zee?"

"We didn't drop it on her!" Kili countered but he seemed to have re-thought that, "Well, not intentionally drop it on her."

"Uh huh." Sam smiled, "Kili, why not go back to the camp. I need to speak with your brother for a moment."

Kili nodded and hurried off, he was a bit afraid that Sam had some evil plot already planned should he refused. When she was sure Kili was gone, Sam turned to Fili.

"Seriously sir?" she asked, "It better have not been poisonous."

"Of course not Âzyungâl," Fili assured her with a grin, "In fact, it was beyond harmless."

"Unlike Zee's wrath, should she find out who dropped it on her." Sam reminded him with a laugh, "Don't pull a prank like that again, you're lucky I wasn't involved or I would personally let her throttle you."

'Throttle me?" He asked curiously, "I'm assuming that means something like punching me right?"

"More like strangling you to death." She corrected with a grin, "And good luck trying to tell her that the snake was harmless."

Fili laughed there, if any of Sam's arguments with Zee said anything it was that Zee would see death if a fly came and hit her in the face.

"So," Sam's voice darkened a bit, "Since we're actually alone..."

"You want to talk about that now?" Fili asked, he knew she promised to talk with him when they were alone but now? Anyone, mainly Thorin or Kili could listen in if they wanted to.

"I figured from how mad you were at me it would be best to so when an opportunity presented itself." She came closer to Fili, "Are you still mad at me for letting go of your hand that night?"

Fili sighed and nodded, "I am a bit, I wasn't prepared for you to do that."

"I am really sorry for scaring you like that," Sam really felt awkward but she needed to this over with, rip it off like a band-aid. "I wish I could have told you what was going to happen but-"

"Actually," Fili interrupted her, "I do want to know what you're hiding from me."

"But I told you I couldn't."

"So?" He asked, "You put yourself in unnecessary danger, even if you knew the eagles were coming I didn't know and I thought I was going to lose you."

"Fili-"

"No Sam, I need to know." He took her hands and added, "Âzyungâl, if anything happened to you I'd die, you know that already, don't make me suffer like you did that night."

Oh, how Sam hated guilt trips. "I can't promise to tell you everything yet." she sighed, "But, we'll be housing with a skin changer named Beorn, he doesn't like dwarves so you and Kili must be on you best behavior."

Fili nodded, not grasping entirely what she said but enough to ask again, "And I'm assuming we're staying a while?"

"Depends.." Sam told him, "One night or a week, very least. And he doesn't eat animals because they're his friends."

"I see." she noticed that his lip twitched a bit, "You know, I realized something right now."

"What's that?" Sam asked, completely on guard for something to happen.

"You said that our journey was a book correct?"

"Yeah."

"Which makes the company characters right?"

"Yup."

"Was I your favorite?"

Sam blushed, actually her favorite character use to be Kili. In fact she had a bit of a crush on Kili because of the Peter Jackson movies but it eventually switched to Fili after she decided that Kili was too playful for her. But there was no way she'd tell Fili that!

"I-I never really read the book.." She admitted, "I learned of the story from an old cartoon and then my mom told me the story. I got my knowledge from other forms of media but I always wanted to read it myself."

"I don't know what some of the things you said are but I did ask if I was your favorite character."

"I had three favorites." She partially lied, she did have three favorites at one point. "You, Kili, and Thorin."

"In that order?" he laughed a bit, "I see, so how about we go back to the camp. Thorin said we were leaving when you girls finished."

"Then we're late." She smiled, "Let's go before he hunts us down."

"As you wish Âzyungâl." he smiled and took her hand so that he could lead her back to camp, "And also, we've never shared a kiss yet have we?"

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><p><em><strong>More of a filler chapter but I thought it would be funny. There are still typos, my editor had got some and I corrected a few but, knowing me, there are more. So now we've reached Desolation of Smaug and I always figured that more events will unfold here than in Unexpected Journey. Obviously, expect there to be more fluff between Sam and Fili and some probing into Thorin's personal life, cause we all wanna know if he lives in the Rainbow Side of life!<strong>_


	16. Chapter 16

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 16: Beorn's house and Realizations**_

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><p><em><strong>AN: Now this chapter was more of a response to a review I got from last chapter. The guest believed that my OCs were very whiny and did not like the fact that they were rude to Thorin. Now allow me to give my personal response before reading. First of all, the girls grew up with the mentality that respect must be earned not to mention they tend to be that way anyways. It's really just who they are. Now they could be polite to Thorin, yes, but they know Thorin too well as a character and that's how they are treating him. They are too aware of how he's going to end up and that adds to the plot later so I can't go into detail now.**_

_** Secondly, please refrain from saying that they'd all enjoy getting their hair and nails done again, Sam is 100% based off of me and I kinda took offense to that comment because I find those activities stupid and a waste of my time. Just because she has issues with nasty oily hair that feels like she had oil and lubricant dumped on her head does not mean she enjoys those activities. **_

_**Finally, keep in mind that this is a world these girls are not use to much less have any experience in despite how long they've been there at this point. They are modern girls and use to modern things. Plus, I thought it would interesting if they were actually using all their attitude and whatnot as a way of coping with the fact they were stuck there. How they act is a coping mechanism. **_

_**Now that's been dealt with, let's go on to more important things. Please enjoy and review. I would like it if reviewers had accounts so I can personally reply to them alone but I understand if you chose to review as a guest. ~Michelle Lacie Kat**_

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><p>Sam stayed as far away as possible from Fili, if he ever came too close she would hurry off to wherever was a safe distance. It really seemed to confuse and hurt him but she couldn't face him after what he had said about never kissing her, despite that it was a week ago by now.<p>

She also hadn't dared to tell Zee or Jackie about it, no doubt they'd tell her that she was overreacting and, plus, Zee would totally get a kick out of it. The only people who were aware of the incident were Sam, Fili, and poor little Ori who had the misfortune of walking in on that conversation. Fili had threatened the sweet dwarf to keep him from saying anything but Sam had comforted him afterwards.

"Does this mean you and Fili won't be together anymore?" Ori asked innocently, today Gandalf had informed the group that there was a place they could get shelter from and that was where they were heading. Sam and Ori had chosen to stay at the back of the group.

"No, no, no." Sam assured the dwarf, "I'll always be with Fili, it's just I got really embarrassed and it bothers me to talk to him at the moment."

"Does that me you've never been with another man?"

Sam blushed and almost squealed, she hadn't thought that Ori or anyone would ask her that question. "W-What do you mean exactly? Like intimately?"

"Well, men are known to move from one lover to the next quickly." Ori told her, "Dwarves' love is for life so naturally we do not share our hearts with anyone except our Ones."

"I've never been with anyone," Sam told him, "Honestly, I wouldn't want anything to do with the boys from my home."

Ori seemed intrigued, he hadn't many opportunities to ask her about her home lately and he still had many questions to ask. "May I asked why?"

"They are immature." She shrugged, "And they are not worth a glance, they're gross and just mean. Not all of them I'm sure but a vast majority are. I grew up with most of the boys of my little area and they haven't changed a bit."

"They do not sound like they could be good husbands." Ori noted aloud, he still had his scribes but he couldn't write in them at the moment. It was so much easier to have them out on a pony than it was when walking.

"As I was taught, some men are great husbands and fathers and others are not even worth giving the time of day." Sam explained, she had learned that from her mother, who had a habit of getting older men that just grossed Sam out at times. "But I can totally see myself with Fili, I'm just not use to him being so straightforward about his feelings."

"Well, dwarves know when they meet their One so it's natural for him to be that way." Ori reminded, "But I understand your point, you are not a dwarf and there are things you do differently."

Sam smiled, she truly loved being in the company of Ori or Bilbo as they were more objective toward her lifestyles and whatnot. They would listen and always make it known that they understood that she was brought up differently than them. The other dwarves use to have culture shock over some of the things she and her friends talked about, making it hard for the girls to be able to explain themselves.

"We cannot all go there at once," Gandalf announced at they reached a strange, well cared for area, "We will go in pairs."

"Why pairs?" Kili asked curiously, "Is he temperamental?"

"He is not overfond of dwarves," Gandalf explained to the second prince, "it would be best to not bombard him with the entire company at once."

"So who goes with who?" Zee asked, "I want Sam or Jackie! Better yet, we're going in a trio!"

"But-" Gandalf tried to argue but Zee insisted that the girls go in their trio group.

"I refuse to even go unless I go with my Musketeers!" Zee informed the wizard, "Now, do we have an agreement?"

Gandalf looked down at Jackie and sighed, "Then you can come with me." he turned to the rest of the company, "I will take the girls with me now, perhaps he may feel more inclined to help us if he sees the girls."

"Very well." Thorin agreed with a nod, "When do we arrive?"

"Wait for ten minutes to pass and then one group may come." Gandalf told the king, "And please refrain from being loud or obnoxious." Everyone looked at the girls who merely looked away.

"What?" Sam and Zee looked back at the company innocently, "Are you talking about us?"

"I would think so." Jackie said as she stood beside Gandalf, "May we go now?"

Gandalf nodded and soon the four figures made way toward Beorn's house. The walk wasn't long, in fact they couldn't get lost because of how well cared for everything was.

When the door opened, revealing an incredibly large and hairy man. Sam and Zee stared in shock, when they saw Beorn in the movie he didn't look all that big! That's when it struck them that things were a bit different than they had expected.

"May I help you?" he asked in what could be assumed as annoyance, had they interrupted something?

"I am Gandalf The Grey." Gandalf greeted the large skin changer.

"I am Samantha, Magician of Fire and Ice." Gandalf had told each girl to create a sort of majestic name for themselves as that was going to be their full title.

"Zenin, The Mystifying Enchanter."

"And Jacqueline, The Intuitive Healer." Each girl bowed toward Beorn, first impressions were what was gonna get them in.

"And what do four wizards want here?" Okay, wizard was not what they had intended on passing themselves as but it'll work.

"We wish to seek shelter," Gandalf explained to the skin changer, "Our story in rather long and there are more of us on the way, if you will take us in that is."

"Then hurry in and settle yourselves at the table." He moved aside so that they may enter his home, they were quick to thank him for his kindness.

"So," Beorn said as he seated himself at the table, "tell me this story of yours."

"Before he starts," Sam spoke before Gandalf could speak, "our other companions will be arriving shortly, in pairs, and it will interrupt our story." she didn't want him getting irritated

"Then I will be as patient as I can." He nodded toward Sam, appreciating her warning. "Now then, let's hear this tale."

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><p>As the dwarves arrived, annoying Beorn only because they kept saying <em>At your service<em>, their story had intrigued the large man greatly. He found their adventures to this point to be very interesting and occasional humorous. Like when Gandalf reluctantly told the skin changer about Zee's drunk episode and when she tried to slaughter Lindir for harassing Sam. By the end of it all, he was roaring with laughter at some of their sillier misfortunes.

"That was quite a tale." Beorn complimented when they finished. He had given the company food during the story time so most of the dwarves were stuffing their faces. The girls were very fond of the honey cakes and milk themselves, going so far to steal the cakes from the dwarves. "You may stay here for as long as you need, I share my lands with you but under one condition; no one may go out at night."

"We understand." Gandalf agreed with Beorn, "We will respect your home and your rules."

"So long as a certain girl does not magically find an alcoholic beverage lying around." Sam and Jackie added, Zee gasped in shock at their blunt warning. Quite honestly she refused to believe that she was truly all that bad as everyone said she was.

"Denial is a stinky perfume Zee," Sam stated to her friend, "and it does not suit you well."

"Rude Sam." Zee groaned as she claimed a spot to be her bed for later, "Just rude."

"As I have always been." Sam gave Zee a nod and hurried over to talk to Gandalf about some things, mainly about how bad it would be to hint at the girls' real origins.

"Zee?" Zee looked up and saw Fili staring at her, "May I speak with you?"

"Uh, okay..?" Zee hadn't had a conversation with Fili since he came to her room back at Rivendell, she could assume it had to do with Sam.

"I was wondering," he seemed hesitant to ask but blurted out, "did I offend Sam?"

"With what?" Zee knew nothing of any issues the royal couple were having, she knew something was up (after all, Sam was avoiding Fili like the plague) and she wasn't one to enjoy being left out of the gossip that was Sam's new romantic life.

"I-I had mention that we were not as close, physically, as I would like to be and she hasn't spoken to me since."

"Then that's why." Zee stated, very matter-of-fact, "Dude, we weren't raised like you. We come from a background that taught us that love is an illusion and to give respect when it's earned. She may know a lot about dwarves but that's only book smarts, she has no experience with this."

"I see." He looked toward Sam and Gandalf, also noticing that she and the wizard were excusing themselves from the others. "Do you all still see the company as characters?"

"What?" Zee was confused there, what did he mean by that?

"To you, we were characters from a story, right?"

"Yeah."

"Do you still see us that way?" It had been something he'd been meaning to ask Sam, he noticed the strange ways that Sam bonded with Bilbo and Ori. He knew now that that she was using her knowledge of their story to gain their trust, surely that book spoke of how Bilbo was a Took , fancying adventures, and how Ori loved books, especially those of other cultures. "Sometimes it's like you girls already know us so well that you don't bother trying to know us as people."

Zee was shocked at that, had that really been true? She didn't think that was how they were acting but, it made sense when she really thought about it.

"I must go," Fili told Zee when he noticed Thorin requesting him from afar, "but if Sam won't talk to me soon will you let her know that I wish to speak to her?"

"Y-Yeah." Zee nodded but her mind was on other things, as soon as Sam was finished with the wizard she was gonna have to call a musketeer meeting.

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><p>"I do believe it might not do much good." Gandalf sighed as he and Sam sat under a apple tree, it wasn't night but it would be in a few hours. "The Gold Sickness runs heavily in Thorin's veins, have you not noticed that the closer we get the more focused he is on the gold than the mountain?"<p>

"Believe me, I have." Sam sighed, "He also shows signs of aging that was definitely not present when I met him almost a year ago." It hardly felt like it had been almost a year, then again she preferred not to think of that as it reminded her of how long her mother must have been grieving. Yes, Sam never forgot that her family back in her world was probably trying to recover from the loss of their only daughter.

"He is failing his people already." Gandalf took a puff of his pipe and sighed sadly, "While you may know this journey so well I insist that you do remember that this is not a book anymore."

Sam let her shoulders slouch, tears brimming in her eyes. So Gandalf had noticed, noticed that she was in denial that all this could be permanent. This was no fanfiction, it was real. Which meant she had truthfully needed to come to terms with herself over all this.

"I know you miss your family," Gandalf told her, "and I know they wish they could have you back."

"Don't, Gandalf," Sam's voice cracked a bit, "I know you mean the best for us but I can't handle this. I may be, physically, an adult now but I'm still a child too. I'm in a world that I've read about, dreamed about, but can't survive without a helping hand."

"You have Fili." He reminded her, "And I know he would do everything in his power to see you safe and sound."

"I feel like I'm a burden to him." Sam admitted, "I'm no dwarf, much less am I royalty."

"Do you believe that truly matters?" Gandalf asked, amazed that Sam had been secretly putting herself down all this time, "I see a strong headed girl, a temper far more fierce than any dwarf could imagine, a girl who sticks to her morals and values even when pressured against them. What is there not to admire?"

"Oh please, I'm not strong." Sam shot back, "My whole life I've known this, I'm weak."

"Why?" Gandalf asked, "What is it you think makes you are weak? Other people's opinions?"

Sam refused to answer that, why did he always have to be on point?

"You are different Samantha." Gandalf assured her, "I have watched you remember? I always admired how you were greatly disgusted by things that were ideal for girls. From clothes to past times, you believed a woman was defined by her ability to be herself."

Sam started to blush, what deemed her a tomboy was what actually caught the wizard's eye when searching for candidates for this?

"I also admire you're refusal to show Thorin respect as a king, a trait you're beloved friends also shared."

"But we were raised-"

"To give respect when it was earned, not because someone held a title." Gandalf smiled at her, "You girls have point of views and morals that these dwarves need, Thorin especially."

Sam took in that thought, "Was that why you brought us, not just to change the ending but to show Thorin what he was losing?"

"Exactly." Gandalf stood from his spot, "I must see how the dwarves are behaving and you should hurry inside soon."

Sam nodded, "Alright, thanks for the talk Gandalf." She was actually feeling better this time, sometimes just a small, unintentional pep talk could go a long ways.

Gandalf smiled and nodded, "You girls are so much more than you think."

"Thanks..." Sam stood up from her spot and dusted herself off, perhaps she really needed to think about this with her friends. They all probably needed some sort of a wake up call anyways.

"Oh, Sam!" Sam looked up and saw Ori hurrying toward her, "Beorn has asked that you come in."

"I was just about to come in actually." Sam smiled, thanking the dwarf for coming for her, "Hey, could you do me a favor?"

"Of course Sam."

"Can you let Fili know that I want to see him tomorrow morning." She should really do it herself but facing him wasn't what she had the courage for just yet. "I want to talk to my friends then go to bed, which is why I'm asking.." she was horrible at giving excuses when she was aware of her effort.

"Sure!" Ori was so eager to help her out, it kind of reminded her of her smaller cousins. "I don't mind telling him for you."

"Thank you Ori." Sam hugged the dwarf and patted his head, "Let's get inside before we find out why Beorn doesn't want us outside."

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><p>Sam and the girls had a hard time sleeping after discussing their little discoveries, what bothered them was that they were actually forever stuck here. It didn't sound so bad at first until Sam reminded them of people who were grieving for them. Zee had the nerve to get mad at Sam for bringing that up but was reminded that Sam was only being honest by Jackie.<p>

"Do you think we're treating them like characters?" Zee half whispered and half mouthed to Sam.

Sam thought about that, she could see where Fili was coming from when he told Zee that. They did use their prior knowledge to their benefit and never did try to know them as the individuals they were. "I think so. We just need to see them as real people, not characters from a book."

"But it is kind of hard." Jackie added softly, "That's what we're used to seeing them as."

"It'll take some work," Sam admitted, "but we can start tomorrow and practice from there."

The other two girls nodded and rolled over to try to sleep, facing each other would only keep a conversation going. Sam had chosen to lay on her back, staring at the roof of the house. She was a bit afraid of settling in this world but at the same time it had to be done.

_I hope Fili's not too mad at me for ignoring him. _Sam thought to herself as she imagined seeing the stars instead of the roof. She wasn't all that bothered with sleeping outside anymore, Fili had told her that looking at the stars was the best sleep remedy. Better than any tea Oin could cook up, if you could convince him to do so.

Sam let out a soft sigh, she let her eyes close and imagined what it would be like to spend her whole life with Fili. He made it clear that he would protect her from trouble which she was now worried about, namely Thorin once they reach Erebor.

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><p><em><strong>These next few chapters are going to be fillers but carry some interesting information about the girls. Also please let me know what you think, I do read reviews and listen so long as they are not rude or stupid.<strong>_


	17. Chapter 17

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 17: Bonding and Stories**_

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><p>That next morning Sam and Jackie took to politely eating while Zee, the devourer, decided to eat whatever was in sight. Even if it wasn't on her plate.<p>

"She has the appetite of a Hobbit!" Bofur laughed as he carefully kept his food out of Zee's reach, "Bilbo, you should teach her some manners!"

"Shut up!" Zee said with food stuffed in her mouth, "I'm trying to enjoy myself!"

Sam and Jackie didn't bother trying to correct her manners, they were to focused on their own breakfast to care. Yummy honey cakes, sweet milk, warm bread, despite the lack of variety it was wonderfully delicious. Then again, their travels didn't allow for luxuries like this.

"Thank you, Beorn!" Sam and Jackie smiled once they finished their meals, they weren't going to overindulge like Zee and accidentally cause an upset stomach.

"Sam.." Fili came up to Sam with a nervous smile, "May we talk?"

Sam nodded her head and followed Fili outside to have a private discussion. She was actually in a good mood today, which was weird considering how awful she felt yesterday.

"I was thrilled to hear that you wished to talk," Fili smiled at her, "I was beginning to think that you were never going to come near me again."

"I wouldn't do that." Sam told him as they strolled past some berry bushes, "I just needed a moment to myself to figure some things out."

"And what did you need to think about?" He asked, he had a feeling that he had scared her off but she was making it sound like there were other things on her mind. "Us?"

"Lots of things," Sam sighed, somewhere along the way Fili had taken Sam's hand and started leading her around, "You know, I think you'd make a great king."

Fili stopped, "Really?" he had a small blush on his face. "I've always been too afraid to think about that."

"Because you think you won't be a good king?" Sam asked with a small smile, "I know how you feel..."

"How?" Fili asked, as far as he was aware Sam was ordinary and not royalty. "How would you know?"

"Because I was in denial that I was forever stuck in Middle-Earth." Sam told him, "I was being so stupid that I made myself afraid of living here because I don't know how to care for myself here."

"You were afraid?"

"Of course," Sam nodded, "where I'm from, none of this exists, or at least not anymore in some cases. I never had to cook for myself, never had to know how to fight, my life was so simple back then. I was feeling so useless."

"You're not useless!" Fili grabbed her shoulder and stared into her eyes, "You are useful, maybe not entirely in a way that Thorin would have wanted, but believe me when I say that we need you and your friends."

"I do believe you now," Sam blushed a bit as she spoke, "because you're what makes me feel safe."

Fili was taken aback by that, "M-Me..?"

Sam nodded, "You gave that sense of security that I needed, without you I'd be a mess!"

Fili blushed a bit, never had he heard those words before. True, Kili use to look up to him and tell him he was a hero but that wasn't the same.

"That's why I know you'll be a wonderful king." Sam leaned up and kissed his cheek, "You are a lovely king in my eyes."

Fili smiled back and returned a kiss to Sam's cheek, "And you will make a kind queen Âzyungâl."

While the statement made Sam a bit uncomfortable, as she could never see herself as a queen, she remembered that in order for them to achieve a happy ending she would need to stay strong. Besides, with Fili by her side how bad could life be?

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><p>When Fili and Sam returned to Beorn's house, Ori and Bilbo eagerly came to her for some stories that she once promised to tell them a while back. She had actually forgotten but she was happy to do so nonetheless.<p>

"Join us, Fili." Sam insisted when she caught on that Fili was feeling a bit left out, "I'm sure you'd like to hear some of the stories I grew up with."

"I believe I am intrigued with that claim." Fili followed the three to a tree and the males all seated themselves around Sam.

"What are you guys in the mood for first?" Sam asked, "Give me some idea."

"Do you have one with dwarves?" Ori asked eagerly, he loved to hear one with some of his kind. "I understand if you don't but-"

Sam didn't want to tell them of the only dwarf story she knew (AKA Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) so she shook her head, "I don't know any off the top of my head, I'm sure there were some though."

"How about one of an adventure?" Bilbo asked, "Like ours?"

"Hmm..." Sam thought about that, "Nothing comes to mind right away but I know a few that involve rescuing another person."

"I would love to hear one of those then!" The two bookworms eagerly encouraged her to tell one of the stories.

"Alright, I know a good one!" Sam smiled as she recalled a great story, "It's called Hansel and Gretel."

"Han what?" Ori asked, he had his scribes ready to note the stories she would tell them.

"Hansel, H-A-N-S-E-L, and Gretel, G-R-E-T-E-L. They were the children of a poor woodcutter and step children to his wicked second wife." Sam explained for them, speaking slowly so the Ori could keep up. "When a great famine spread across the land, the second wife proposes to her husband that they leave the children in the woods to fend for themselves, leaving more food for the adults to survive off of."

Bilbo stared in shock while Fili asked in outrage, "Why would she do that?! How cold of a woman!"

"I always assumed that the second wife hated the children because their father probably loved them more and devoted fathers tend to remarry just so that their children can have a caretaker when they're not around." Sam shrugged, quite frankly she often expressed to her mother that her father's new wife was like a story book villain. Then again, Sam was a spoiled brat.

"The father refused right?" Bilbo asked worriedly, "I mean, they are his children."

"He did at first, but his wife eventually convinced him." Sam felt bad for the boys as the three shared a look of shock, "However, Hansel and Gretel had heard their parents and, when the adults went to bed, Hansel snuck out of of the house and collected many small white pebbles. When he returned, he promised Gretel that they would not be forsaken."

"May I asked a question?" Ori asked rather hurriedly, "Is Hansel the oldest child?"

"Yes he is." Sam nodded, "Anyways, the next day the adults let their children join them on a trip. Intending on leaving them, they told the two to stay where the adults would leave them and that they would come back."

"Truly cold." Bilbo commented softly.

"But, Hansel had dropped the pebbles he gathered during the trip and the siblings were able to return to home safely. So the second wife decided to leave them again the next time and, to make sure Hansel couldn't get outside during the night, locked the house's door. So the next morning, the siblings were given bread to eat and taken to the woods again. Hansel used the crumbs of the bread to mark the trail but, when they tried to return, they found that the birds had eaten the crumbs."

"As resourceful as that idea was," Fili commented, "I had figured it would fail."

Sam nodded in acknowledgment of the comment and continued, "So the siblings wander the woods, the day had already long past and they were tired and hungry. Eventually, they wandered upon a house made of delicious sweets like candy and gingerbread. They were quick to start eating the house and soon an old woman emerged from the tasty house. Promising the children soft beds and food, she managed to lure them inside. However, when the children fell asleep, the old woman took a sleeping Hansel and locked him in a cell."

"Why in the world would she do that?" Ori and Bilbo asked.

"She was a witch." Sam explained, she continued to explain that the witch liked to eat children, hence why her house was made of treats, and how she forced Hansel to eat the candy every day to fatten him up while Gretel was used as a slave.

"One day, having enough of not eating the boy, the witch decided to eat Hansel regardless of his size. She had her oven prepared for him when she chose to eat Gretel first, planning on tricking the girl into making sure that the fire was just right by crawling in it. Gretel outsmarted the witch, she pretended to not understand and the witch had to demonstrate for her so that Gretel could shove her into the fire instead."

"Genius!" Ori cheered, taking a moment from his writing to give a regular comment like Bilbo had.

"So while the witch burned, Gretel freed her brother and the two stole some precious jewels they found in her house. With the help of a swan , the siblings were able to return home to find the their second mother had died and their father had been mourning for the loss of his children. With their family reunited, and with the wealth the children stole, they all lived happily ever after."

"A marvelous story!" Ori smiled as he copied the last of the story, "What others do you know?"

"Do you know any kings?" Kili asked as he popped up from behind Sam's tree, "Sorry, but it was hard not to notice that something was going on over here."

"And it's hard to not notice that you're being nosy." Sam laughed as he seated himself to her right just like Fili was at her left, "But I think I have one that'll entertain you."

"What's it called?" Ori had a new page opened for the next story, "Is it adventurous?"

"Not really but I think you might like it." Sam smiled, "It's called The Four Skillful Brothers."

"Brothers?" Fili and Kili perked up at the title, "You have our attention!"

Sam rolled her eyes and began the story, "Okay, there was once a poor man with four sons, he sent them away to learn any trade they could. Each brother ended up meeting a different man who would teach them a different trade; the oldest learned to be a thief, the second learned astronomy, the third learned to be a huntsman, and the last became a tailor."

"I have a question," Bilbo asked, "why did the father send them away to learn?"

"Well, judging the time era of the story, I'd say that maybe the father himself had no special trade or felt that his sons could do better learning other trades." Sam explained to the hobbit, "It is a common practice."

"What does the father do?" Ori asked, "What was his trade?"

"Assuming he's poor, I'd say he was a farmer because when you live that kind of life, and in older times, it was really a gamble on whether you could make your fortune or not." Sam shrugged, "I was never told what his trade was."

Sam continued on to tell them how when the sons returned to their father, the old man tested their new skills by tasking each one to do something to a nest of eggs. The second son had to tell the father how many were in the nest with his telescope and then the oldest brother had to steal the eggs with the mother being unaware, the third had to shoot all five eggs in one shot and the fourth stitch up the eggs and chicks so that they could be returned.

"Not long after, the princess was stolen by a dragon and the brothers decided to go save her. The second brother was able to locate her and, with a ship from the king, they were able to reach the dragon's lair. Unable to shoot the dragon, in fear of hurting or even killing the princess as well, the oldest decided to steal her back instead. As they sailed back to their kingdom, the dragon followed only to be finally killed by the huntsman but, when the dragon fell into the sea, the waves swamped their ship. Luckily, the youngest brother was able to sew together the ship and, upon the princess's return, were given four equal parts of the kingdom to rule."

"I say!" Bofur laughed as he and Balin approached the group, "That story sounds much like our journey!"

"Aye," Balin smiled, "Bilbo would be the oldest since he is the thief."

"Kili would be the huntsman since he apparently shoots things." Ori teased while Kili only grinned cheekily.

"Then Ori would be the tailor!" Fili laughed, "He is the only one I could see have such a small yet important role."

"And Balin could the second brother!" Kili hooted, "I can see him being the one to find everything we cannot."

The group laughed at their comparisons of the story characters to themselves, it seemed that Sam was right about them liking the tale. Because even long after her stories they continued to bring it up.

"Sam?" Bilbo had pulled the girl to the side as the dwarves left to go about other activities, "I was wondering if you had a more romantic story...?"

"Of course!" Sam smiled, "Anything to specify?"

"U-Um..." Bilbo blushed a bit which totally told Sam what she needed to know.

"How about Beauty and The Beast?" Sam asked innocently, "I think you'll enjoy it."

"I-If you think so." Sam took Bilbo away to a small stream that laid behind Beorn's house.

"Once upon a time, there lived a wealthy merchant with three daughters, each were lovely but only his youngest was kind and pure. To their family's misfortune, the merchant's ships were caught in a terrible storm and they were forced to reside in a small farmhouse because all of their wealth was lost." Sam said as she leaned against a tree trunk, "After a few years, a ship of the merchant's had returned so he went to the dock to see if there would be anything of worth. Before he left, he asked his daughters what they wanted him to get them from his trip. The older two asked for fine dresses and jewels while Belle only asked for a rose because non grew where they lived."

"What happened?" Bilbo asked curiously, taking a seat on a rock and allowing his feet to relax in the cold waters. "Did he get the ship's contents?"

"Nope, everything was seized to pay his debt and he was left with nothing to buy his daughters their gifts. While traveling through a forest, having gotten lost, he found a dazzling palace where a mysterious host greeted him. After spending the night, the merchant was about to leave when he noticed a rose bush and pick one for Belle. However the host, who turned out to be a beast, refused to let the merchant leave for stealing a rose. He did let the merchant leave to see his daughter and give them their gifts but under the condition that he had to return. So he left but Belle knew something was wrong when he arrived home and confronted the beast herself after her father told her what had happened. The beast did decide to make a change, Belle was to take her father's place and become the palace's mistress. The only condition was that she could never leave, but, to spare her father, Belle took it. So she spent every day with the beast and the servants, who tended to her every whim, and every day the beast would ask her to marry him but she refused as she could only love him as a friend. Every night when she slept, a handsome prince would appear in her dreams and beg her to marry the beast but gave her no reason as why she should. "

Sam was going to continue with Belle searching for the prince throughout her new home as it was believe the prince was a prisoner of the beast but a voice cut in.

"What are you two doing over here?" Sam found herself being interrupted by Thorin, who looked like he was confused and a bit hurt. "I thought you two would have been enjoying some lunch like everyone."

"We would have been," Sam smiled kindly, she did not miss the fact that Thorin was looking a bit jealous, "but Bilbo wanted another story and I thought it would be fun to tell the story here, the atmosphere just seemed to fit the story."

"I see." The darkness in his eyes let up a bit but still remained, "Then I heavily suggest that you two hurry back and eat before Bombur devours everything."

"Okay!" Sam grabbed Bilbo's hand and dragged him back to Beorn's, Thorin didn't seem to expect that as he watched them disappear with wide eyes.

"I-I think you may have upset him.." Bilbo stuttered nervously, "Did you really need to do that?"

"I was only teasing him, plus it might be a sign." Sam winked at Bilbo, causing the poor hobbit to blushed, "But, we both know that food is so precious and no one cares if we don't get any so long as their bellies are full."

Bilbo gave her a small laugh at the joke, it rang with truth and Bilbo knew that he would be rather annoying should he not eat the three daily meals he was forced to settle with. After all, Hobbits ate seven times a day. Sam was one to not let a meal go uneaten, she did get over her pickiness thanks to the lack of food she received daily.

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><p><em><strong>I'm going to Disneyland! Yes, seventeen years old and still excited to see that mouse, don't judge me! Anyways, I do plan a releasing a Christmas chapter, like where the girls explain Christmas to the dwarves and whatnot so look forward to that. Also, I'm going to see the Hobbit: Battle Of Five Armies tonight! So excited, I'm bringing extra soft tissues just in case I cry. I do hope that once I see the movie I don't suddenly ask myself what I'm going to do with my life from now on...That'll be just sad if I did. But, either way, Imma be all happy till I see it and after that, can't say...<strong>_


	18. Chapter 18

**The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie**

_**Chapter 18: Holidays Explained (Christmas And Halloween)**_

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><p>The company had been staying at Beorn's place for two days at this point and the girls have been asked to tell the dwarves about some traditions of their people. Of course, the one thing that had the girl's talking nonstop was Christmas, their favorite holiday.<p>

They told the dwarves stories of Santa Claus and his reindeer, the elves seemed to be the dwarves' favorite part as the description of the jolly people would actually be insulting to the elves in Middle-Earth. Short with rosy cheeks, always building toys for children, wearing pointy shoes with little bells, and not exactly in the spotlight like Santa, the elves here would totally be furious to hear this.

"These elves," Thorin smiled, trying to not laugh, "why do they work for this Santa?"

"Dunno." Sam shrugged, it never occurred to her that the elves would be upset for being in the background. "Just how things worked out I guess."

"There are songs written just for Christmas!" Jackie told the rest of the dwarves innocently, "Lots of popular ones get reused every year too."

"Like the song _Baby, It's Cold Outside_!" Zee grinned as she listed some songs off the top of her head, "_The Twelve Days of Christmas_ and _Sleigh Ride_!"

"What was that first song you mentioned?" Bofur asked, "It sounded strange."

"_Baby, It's Cold Outside_?" Zee repeated, "It's a duet between a guy and a girl. The girl is trying to go home but the guy tries to convince her to stay with him. In the end she stays."

"Will you sing it?" Kili asked, the song sounded intriguing to him and who knows, he might learn something from it.

"Oh no, no no!" Zee shook her head, "But, Sam can!"

Sam gasped in shock and glared at her friend, "No, I cannot!" Why was Zee out to break Sam's comfort zone, the younger girl knew how shy Sam was. Singing was not something she did all the time and the main reason was that she firmly believed that she could not sing.

"Yes, you can." Zee rolled her head toward Sam, "Sam, you will sing."

Sam shook her head, "You can't make me!" She crossed her arms and huffed.

Telling Zee that she couldn't make Sam sing was a mistake, Zee always had something to blackmail Sam with. Leaning toward Sam, Zee whispered, "I'll tell them about your burning food incident."

Sam's eyes widened, damn this evil girl. "Fine, I'll sing..." Suddenly, Sam felt like she was going to be sick but she didn't worry about it too much. After all, she felt the exact same way when she first sang for Zee back when they still lived in their world.

"And while you're at it," Zee grinned at Sam, "you should sing Let It Snow, Sleigh Ride, The Twelve Days Of Christmas, and maybe-"

Jackie cover Zee's mouth and said, "You're asking a lot of Sam already, don't push it."

Zee pushed Jackie off and sighed, "Fine, go about your way Sam."

Sam gave Zee a dirty look, the tone Zee used was one she knew very well. It was the tone used to guilt people and Sam refused to fall victim to it. One thing Sam didn't like about Zee was that Zee was always trying to test Sam, showing the same amount of stubbornness as Sam and sometimes exceeding it.

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><p>"I believe you have a fine voice." The dwarves, Bilbo, Gandalf, and Beorn had been complimenting Sam after her singing session had ended. They tried encouraging her that her voice was fine but they eventually got a hint when her face turned tomato red. She didn't talk much after that, her throat was a bit sore so she didn't plan on pushing it and just leaned against Fili's shoulder.<p>

"So tell us of this present giving you mentioned." Thorin asked from his spot against the wall, "You made reference to giving gifts to family and friends."

"Oh yeah!" Zee nodded, "That's something kind of expected to happen, you go buy or make gifts for the people you care about."

"You can't tell them what it is until December twenty-fourth and twenty-fifth." Jackie continued, "December twenty-fourth is Christmas Eve and some people open some presents that day, saving the rest for Christmas day on the twenty-fifth."

"What kind of gifts do you give?" Balin asked curiously.

"Depends on the person you're buying or making them for." Jackie shrugged, "Little kids obviously want toys, people of our age group prefer things like jewelry, styled clothes, and whatnot."

"What are styled clothes?" Bombur asked, munching on a honey cake, "Sounds peculiar."

"We sell clothes that are branded by a name, sort of like how jewelry coming from dwarves is branded as dwarvish make." Zee explained, she figured that would be the best explanation she could give without confusing the dwarves. "Either way, to keep anyone from knowing what you got them you have to wrap them in decorated paper."

"Decorated paper?" Ori asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"It's special paper that has little designs on it, sometimes they have pictures too." Zee thought about what else she could tell them about Christmas. "We also have a thing for a mistletoe."

"A mistletoe?" Fili cocked his head to the left, "What about it?"

"Well, it's tradition that if you should find yourself under a mistletoe with someone, namely someone you love, you have to kiss them." Jackie told him, "It's also a running joke for boys or girls to chase people with them to get a kiss, it's just a joke though."

"Sounds rather interesting to me." Gloin laughed, "I may have to try that with my wife one day!"

Sam looked up at Fili, "We're are so not trying that crap."

Fili chuckled, "Alright Âzyungâl, I get the message." It was started to sound so normal to hear him talk like the girls. "So, what other holidays do you girls celebrate?"

"Halloween!" Sam smiled a bit, "It's my second favorite holiday."

"And why is that?" Kili asked, chewing on a straw of hay, "What is it?"

"It's a holiday where you get to dress up in costumes and go around asking for candy." Zee said dreamily, how she loved getting free candy just like Sam and Jackie, "Dressing up is the best part because you're dressing up as a character rather than wearing everyday clothes."

"Who have you dressed up as?" Ori asked, "Would we know of these characters?"

The girls fought against blushing, they surely were not going to tell the dwarves how they were going to dress up as Gandalf, Legolas, and Bilbo that Halloween. You know, before they wound up here.

"Well, I really like this one story called Phantom of The Opera," Sam said softly to not strain her voice, "I was the Phantom once, I didn't like the other characters."

"I was a character called Red Riding Hood once." Zee laughed a bit, she wasn't going to mention how Sam forced her into the outfit and bloodied her up. She didn't want to go into the detail of the fake wounds and blood, they might scare the poor dwarves.

"I've never really dressed up for Halloween, that was more of these two." Jackie stated, "Either way, it's actually pretty fun."

"Why would you want to dress up as someone else?" Dori asked, he didn't understand that part. "What's the point of that?"

"It's fun." Zee shrugged, "I mean, why would you want to wear the same boring clothes everyday? At least once a year you can have a change."

"So what date is Halloween?" Ori asked, he was writing everything down in his journal for future references. Not the any other dwarves might find the information useful but he liked having a record of the girls. After all, Sam was going to be queen. Hopefully.

"October thirty-first." The three girls stated in unison.

The dwarves started talking about these strange holidays, Kili admitted that he liked the sound of Halloween more. To prove that, he stole Gandalf's hat and staff and began mimicking the wizard. Actually, he would totally be accurate if he had Gandalf's pipe.

Dori admitted to enjoying Christmas as he could imagine giving Ori presents, Nori could managed on his own for all Dori cared. After all, Nori stole most of what is known as his possessions. Thorin even admitted that if the dwarves celebrated Christmas he would give Nori a swift kick in the ass.

The debate of whether Christmas or Halloween was a better continued for a good hour before Beorn presented dinner. Beorn himself took part in the debate, choosing Christmas as he felt it was a more joyful holiday than Halloween. Gandalf, while smoking his pipe, took to both holidays as he felt they, in their own rights, were appealing.

"What could you say would be a great holiday for dwarves?" Gloin asked the girls, all the dwarves had been thinking of adapting for themselves. "Christmas or Halloween?"

Sam thought about that, she figured that Christmas would be the best bet but she could see also see them doing Halloween. Okay, maybe they wouldn't do Halloween correctly but it would be funny for her to watch.

Zee also felt that Halloween would be a chaos for the dwarves but Christmas also would have been a bit of a mess too.

"I think they both would be okay," Jackie said as she thought the idea over, "but I think if you were gonna try them we would have to supervise you just so you don't manage to hurt yourself."

Gandalf, Beorn, and Bilbo fought against laughing while the dwarves questioned what they meant by the response.

"Well jeez!" Zee coughed in a small, effortless attempt to cover her own laughter, "With all the decorating and whatnot involved, there's absolutely no way we can trust you guys by yourselves!"

"Besides," Sam added, grinning innocently at Fili, "you guys get into stupid fights so easily so I can totally see you guys turning decorations into weapons."

"Or causing a fire." Jackie shrugged, not caring about how the dwarves took their honesty.

"And maybe making each other sick with attempts to bake cookies." Zee laughed a bit before she realized she had started a bit of a war. The dwarves believed that they could survive the holidays but no one else could say the same.

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><p><strong><em>So our little gift for our readers. Just this last weekend My family and my friend went to Disneyland and last Tuesday night My mom and I saw the last Hobbit. I cried, I started sobbing from the beginning but I got really sad at an obvious part. Figure it out because even though everyone knows the ending, I don't want to spoil the movie's events. For those who did watch the movie, you'll get it.<em>**

**_Also, to an anonymous reviewer, Zee is extremely flattered that you find her to be your favorite. I'll be honest, I laughed when I saw the review and so did Jackie._**


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